Eternal Sunshine Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 You need to grasp the concept that everybody is replaceable. Every guy, every girl, everyone you ever dated, thought you loved, thought was special... none of them are. They are just a small slice of time in your life with many more options waiting. Once I have fully grasped this concept, I got over every break up in the last 2 years within weeks.
somedude81 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 with many more options waiting. I believe that's the key. It's easier to get over somebody when you have someone who can replace them. One of my favorite sayings that I coined is, "The best way to get over somebody, is to get on somebody else."
brainygirl Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 That may work for you, but I tend to be wired differently. It takes me a long time to open up to people. And once their in, its hard to shake them. Someone who gets me, thinks I'm cute, likes spending time with me, makes me laugh, who I think is one of the best men I've ever known . . . He may not want me forever, but don't tell me he's not unique.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Yeah, this is very true. You can't be stuck on one person...what if that person doesn't want to be with you? And someone else does? You'd be better off keeping your options open.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 That may work for you, but I tend to be wired differently. It takes me a long time to open up to people. And once their in, its hard to shake them. Someone who gets me, thinks I'm cute, likes spending time with me, makes me laugh, who I think is one of the best men I've ever known . . . He may not want me forever, but don't tell me he's not unique. You are wired the way you want to be wired. I was stuck on one guy for 7 years. From 14-21 I believed I was in love with him, he was my soul-mate blah blah. He lived in another country and didn't really feel even 1/10th of what I felt for him. During those 7 years I was so blindly loyal, that I didn't so much as look at another guy. There were other somewhat shorter instances of this later in my life. Then I had an epiphany 2 years ago: I can waste away my whole life on these men who didn't want me in the same way I wanted them, or I could get out there and find one who does.
fishtaco Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Interesting, I had the opposite epiphany. First I was the Nice Guy , with all the expected results. Then I woke up and smelled the coffee, and turned my dating life around. One of the first "theory" that I've came up with was there are always more fishes in the sea. So I started bailing at the first sign of crappiness. Which worked great for dating. I was dodging bullets like I was in The Matrix. Until I got into an LTR with someone that I truly fell in love with. After it fell apart because I screwed up, and it was too late to salvage, that's when I realized the value of commitment, and what it really means. I still do my dance when I'm dating, because when you date, you are swimming in the cesspool of humanity. But once you are locked in, you have to switch to commitment mode. You can't let "there are plenty of fishes in the sea" distract you. I guess I'm over her now. Maybe. I think. Maybe not. But I still regret my mistake very much. I still wish I could travel back in time and slap some sense into myself. This hard lesson certainly still burns. So what you say is right, but there's a balance in there somewhere. I'm still looking for it.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 indeed. women are rather replaceable, IMO. interestingly enough, it wasn't until I began treating them as such (i.e. kicked the pedistool out from under them and stood on it myself) that I really began cleaning up. you nailed it, OP. replaceable.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 indeed. women are rather replaceable, IMO. interestingly enough, it wasn't until I began treating them as such (i.e. kicked the pedistool out from under them and stood on it myself) that I really began cleaning up. you nailed it, OP. replaceable. I think this is where all my bitterness came from. The idea that women could replace me, but I didn't want to replace them. If people are replaceable, perhaps I should treat them as such? Screw critics of pick up. It seems like the people who used it as a self esteem/confidence tool, managed to get somewhere with women. Perhaps I should do that, as well?
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I think this is where all my bitterness came from. The idea that women could replace me, but I didn't want to replace them. If people are replaceable, perhaps I should treat them as such? Screw critics of pick up. It seems like the people who used it as a self esteem/confidence tool, managed to get somewhere with women. Perhaps I should do that, as well? it's not a pickup/non-pick up tool, mate. it's just the process of acknowledging a fact. the sky is blue. it just is. so to are women replacable. act accordingly. no need to be an ass, but by no means should you, or any other organism with a pair of balls entertain taking their crap, or protend to be interested in their speeches about what you need to change about yourself. lol. just refuse. will they stamp those cute lil feet? of course they will. they'll use the same to run back to you after you kick them out for acting out, too. focus on your career, continue to gain money and power, and continue to put women in their place (always being unapologetically honest about your true intent) and the world will be your oyster. 1
somedude81 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I think this is where all my bitterness came from. The idea that women could replace me, but I didn't want to replace them. If people are replaceable, perhaps I should treat them as such? Screw critics of pick up. It seems like the people who used it as a self esteem/confidence tool, managed to get somewhere with women. Perhaps I should do that, as well? It won't hurt to look into it. Like most things in life, you get out of only as much as you put in.
MissVegas Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 This topic seems to be getting kind of bitter towards females..Hear this from a females point of view. IT SUCKS being a woman and having you all that you think we're replaceable. My ex for example I loved, adored, respected, supported, cared for, would do anything for, loved his family, loved him. But he lost me and you know why? Probably because he figured I was replaceable the whole relationship and treated me like I was so and therefore I left. Fact is if you have a great girl and she asks you to change a few things, maybe try and change them if they're not a huge deal. My ex was OCD, would get on me for any crumb i dropped, wouldn't take me anywhere without a coupon and our dates included going to the grocery store to get food on deal and I ADORED that about him I would never ask him to change that. Did I ask him to not ditch me when we had plans to go get drunk and puke and piss on himself? Yes. He asked me to become tidier so I did. He asked me to face my fear and drive on the highway so I did. A relationship is a two way street you give some you take some you can't go around thinking you're mr perfect and every woman you meet is replaceable... Even though deeply hurt. I look at my parents who have been married 35 years and know FOR SURE that my dad could not replace my mom and my mom could not replace my dad.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Nope, this wasn't meant to be geared towards bitter men. I am a woman and feel that men are replaceable. Dating just gets a lot easier if you acknowledge that fact.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 ...Fact is if you have a great girl and she asks you to change a few things, maybe try and change them if they're not a huge deal. NO. absolutely not. maybe if we're talking about a situation where the guy is inferior and needs you financially or for some other need he isn't fulfilling himself, I can perhaps see your point. but other than that context, your off base, honey. I put in the work, paid my dues and continue to make gains to better myself. most men worth their salt do this and do it so they can reap a lifestyle we can enjoy and be damn proud of. as such, we don't need to compromise, or even entertain the thought (unless we feel like it) because, as OP put it so eloquently, you're replaceable. but that's not the best part... the best part is the speed by which the replaceables (of both sexes) can be replaced, when the one hitting the eject button has their act together. that's just a fact, love. that said, a man should know what he wants, and in the event a woman consistently refuses to resist her attempts at changing him, or otherwise continue acting out, the man should be a gentlemen and show her the door. because after all, if things need that much changing, she clearly misunderstood something & she should be set free to get what she truly wants.
Cee Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I believe that if you've loved once, it's likely that you'll love again. However, there is also a feeling that your significant other is unique and irreplaceable. And for me, that is true. Every boyfriend I have had has been beloved, special and no duplicate has existed in the world. I think getting attached is unavoidable (but desirable) in a relationship and there is little one can do to buffer heart break except to go through the grieving process. Personally, I think a better approach is to remember who your true, great love is. It is the love and respect you have for yourself. The stronger your center is, the easier it is to withstand emotional pain, which comes with the territory in the world of relationships.
Eclypse Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Although now that I'm slightly more experienced in the world of relationships, I still think being replaced sucks. I know that everything is replaceable... but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I don't think I'd be able to replace my girlfriend. It would be too hard. And she's my first true love. I heard those are the hardest. Hopefully we'll stay together forever.
Emilia Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I believe that if you've loved once, it's likely that you'll love again. However, there is also a feeling that your significant other is unique and irreplaceable. And for me, that is true. Every boyfriend I have had has been beloved, special and no duplicate has existed in the world. I think getting attached is unavoidable (but desirable) in a relationship and there is little one can do to buffer heart break except to go through the grieving process. Personally, I think a better approach is to remember who your true, great love is. It is the love and respect you have for yourself. The stronger your center is, the easier it is to withstand emotional pain, which comes with the territory in the world of relationships. have to say I really like your posts Cee agree with the bolded statement 100% but I would add that IME as you get older you do become more philosophical about breakups but you also realise that special people are not easy to find. each time I lose someone amazing I'm sad because I know it will take me a long time to meet someone really cool again.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 have to say I really like your posts Cee agree with the bolded statement 100% but I would add that IME as you get older you do become more philosophical about breakups but you also realise that special people are not easy to find. each time I lose someone amazing I'm sad because I know it will take me a long time to meet someone really cool again. But you also know that you will get over it because you did every time in the past. You also know that you will eventually meet someone else because you did every time in the past. That in itself helps the healing process.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 You need to grasp the concept that everybody is replaceable. Every guy, every girl, everyone you ever dated, thought you loved, thought was special... none of them are. They are just a small slice of time in your life with many more options waiting. Once I have fully grasped this concept, I got over every break up in the last 2 years within weeks. I don't know. I don't meet a lot of women so if it doesn't work out with someone the fact that it takes a long time to meet someone else I think is more the problem. When you approach dating like it's winning the lottery you get to thinking that this or that person is the only person who will actually date you. And if it doesn't work out, that's a very depressing thought. To me it's not about whether someone is "replaceable" but rather for people to realize that there is always a reason why things didn't turn out the way you hoped whether it's an obvious reason or a not so obvious reason. I said this in another thread but I'll tell the story here too. The only girl I ever had a hard time getting over was a girl who I felt (at the time) was perfect for me. When things didn't work out I beat myself up about it. But, before this girl left to go back to her home overseas (she was here only for school) I went and hung out with one last time. It was then that I realized things that would not have made us compatible over the long run. The biggest issue was that she wanted to go back to her home country to do aid work (she was from a third world country), and she hated life in the U.S. In order for things to have worked between us we would have had to get married, and I would have had to live in her home country for pretty much the rest of my life. It never would have worked. Realizing this made helped me get over her real quick.
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