sushigirl Posted March 31, 2004 Posted March 31, 2004 I am in the middle of a relationship right now and my boyfriend doesn't want to meet my friends. He says that they are not 'his' type of people. So whenever I spend time with him, it has to be with him or his family. He also doesn't care for me to meet his friends and/or spend time hanging out with them. Sure, he has met my friends, and spent time with them like twice in the past year of our relationship. (once was my birthday) It makes things very difficult for me (especially since I am out of town right now), when I have to find huge chunks of time to spend with JUST him. I always understood that when you get into a relationship, your friends become his friends and vice versa. Am I wrong? Is it a healthy relationship if I spend time with just him and we both don't chill with each other's friends??
Darkangelism Posted March 31, 2004 Posted March 31, 2004 It is healthy if it doesn't bother you, but b/c it does you have to tell him how you feel, you shouldnt have to give up your friend's for him.
dyermaker Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 Originally posted by sushigirl Am I wrong? Is it a healthy relationship if I spend time with just him and we both don't chill with each other's friends?? Hell no! It's not that you have to like who he likes, and vice versa--but his rejection of your friends entails a rejection of a part of you, and his inability to attempt getting along with them is a control issue.
Renny_H Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 I disagree with Dyermaker. I think you have to tolerate his differences to you. I doubt he's been mean by rejecting your friends. They might be annoying. At least he still likes you, so don't make him like your friends.
BlockHead Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 sushigirl He says that they are not 'his' type of people. So whenever I spend time with him, it has to be with him or his family.There are people with different personality types, and not all can get along. Does your boyfriend have a large circle of friends? I get the impression he doesn’t. dyermaker Hell no! It's not that you have to like who he likes, and vice versa--but his rejection of your friends entails a rejection of a part of you, and his inability to attempt getting along with them is a control issue.It would be a control issue if he told her who she can and cannot see. his rejection of your friends entails a rejection of a part of youFriends come and go. They are not an extension of oneself.
Author sushigirl Posted April 1, 2004 Author Posted April 1, 2004 I think I can understand my friends may be annoying to him and he shouldn't have to put up with them on a constant basis. But when I say hang out with my friends, I am saying once every 2 weeks or so. Is this still asking for too much? The friends that I would want him to hang out with me are my really good to best friends too, not just some joe blow acquaintance off the street. I think the main problem is that I am a pretty socialable person and he's not. Most times he prefers just to sit at home and relax. I'm not saying I don't like to do that, but I've made good friends that I hung out with long before I met him. Is there a compromise available to me? Or does it have to be a clean-cut choice between him or my friends?
BlockHead Posted April 1, 2004 Posted April 1, 2004 sushigirl The friends that I would want him to hang out with me are my really good to best friends too, not just some joe blow acquaintance off the street.Exactly how many friends do you hang out with? I am an introverted guy, and I can think of a few unpleasant things he might be experiencing. 1. If I don’t like the topic, or whatever, I will get bored, and that is no fun. Some topics like past relationships, politics, religion, or gossip can be extremely unpleasant. 2. I don’t like being forced into the background when there is too much network traffic (I can’t get a word in). It is like waiting for a web page to load. I end up filling a seat when I’m in the background. 3. If the people are directly or indirectly being rude or disrespectful, I don’t want to be around them. This includes being interrupted, and having people talk over or lecture me. I don’t know enough about your situation to give you great advice, but this is what I can think of. Maybe a good compromise is having him hang out with fewer friends at a time. It is easier to connect with one or two people at a time than a whole crowd. Maybe it will work, or maybe it won't. Some personalities just don’t mix.
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