makelemonade1974 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 So I went through a tough breakup 6 months ago. I still love him and was convinced he was "the one." I've accepted the fact he is never coming back to me. Tried internet dating for a while but found it stressful and disappointing. I'm trying to just take time to work on myself - rebuild my self-esteem, my life as a single person, etc. I'm 36, attractive, slender, a nice person, pretty grounded generally, love my job. Will I ever meet anyone else? I wonder sometimes. I think you always seem to meet someone when you least expect it - is this true? I don't want to actively seek a man right now. I want to focus on improving my own life and myself. Should I be out seeking someone? Am I not going to meet anybody because I'm not actively looking? I guess I'm looking for a bit of hope. I'm grieving pretty badly over this breakup - still. I like to think the man for me is out there, I just haven't met him yet. Any thoughts?
Imajerk17 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 (edited) Yes, but I would say that you need to (a) give love a chance, and (b) hold off on dating for the time being if you can't do that now. What I mean by (a): I'm hoping you're not too caught up in this "instant chemistry" thing. When you meet the right guy, there might not be sparks right away. He might be a great guy, but not so smooth on a first date. Are you willing to go on a second date anyway? People love, lost, grieved, and move on to greener fields all the time. This too shall pass. Edited March 15, 2011 by Imajerk17
carhill Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Yes, a compatible and attractive man is out there. The more of life you live, the more of the world you experience, the more likely preparation and opportunity will collide to give you relationship success.
Fleur de Lis Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 I think people need to pretty much abandon the notion of "the one". There are literally thousands and thousands of people that you can be in love with that will make you happy and fulfilled. Look at it this way...ever thought someone was a "one in a million"? In the US alone there are at least 310 million people. That means that there are 31 people that are "one in a million" if you take the expression absolutely literally. If one in every 10,000 people met 100% your criteria for a partner in terms of gender, age, looks, values, etc, then there would be 3,100 people for you to choose from in the US alone. If relationships are a give and take and you are willing to dabble in the 90%-95% compatible range, the numbers jump higher. Love is a verb, not a noun. You choose to love someone and be in love with someone. Love is not something you find on the side of the road, under a rock, or growing in a garden. It is a decision you make and not a tangible item that can be "found" somewhere. Keep your chin up, think about what you want in a relationship, and be picky. You've earned the right to define what you want in life. Go for it.
somedude81 Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 (edited) Will you meet anyone else? Of course you will. Will he be "the man" probably not. Fleur's post is it. If you got some time check this out http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t270375/ Edited March 27, 2011 by somedude81
zengirl Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 No, I don't think "the one" is out there. But someone who is attractive to you and compatible and who will be willing to work with you to form the kind of relationship you want --- yes, he's out there. Probably more than one. And you'll come across him/one of them eventually.
Macaw Posted March 27, 2011 Posted March 27, 2011 There is an eastern saying that people don't die when their brains shut down... but when they lose hope. I like to believe there's someone out there for me as well. It's just that human beings are so complex, that finding someone else with the same complexities we have (or want), with the right gender is anything but easy. What I mean by (a): I'm hoping you're not too caught up in this "instant chemistry" thing. When you meet the right guy, there might not be sparks right away. He might be a great guy, but not so smooth on a first date. Are you willing to go on a second date anyway? So true. The best romantic relationships of my life didn't start with a mutual attraction. Those that did, crashed and burned very quickly.
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