Troubled Heart Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Wow - never thought I'd find myself back on here looking for advice but here I am again - SINGLE. I am 29 years old. I started dating NB (a coworker) after I broke up with my previous boyfriend who decided to run drugs through the house. Needless to say, I wasn't looking for anything more than a little fun and to get my groove back, a la Stella. NB and I have been dating 1.5 years and it morphed into something more than I thought it could. In the beginning, I felt like he was moving along way too fast (almost like a puppy following along). He said he loved me within two weeks of hanging out. Being the older, more experienced dater, I reminded him that it was too early to be in love and I wasn't even sure he knew what love was. He was always pulling me towards him and I was pushing him away - my walls were built immensely high after being lied to by the drug pusher boyfriend. Anyhow, I started really falling in love with NB and could actually see us working as a long-term married couple. The last few fights we got into (before the big one) was me wanting to know where we stood with regards to long-term. I wasn't looking for him to say "will you marry me" at that moment, but I did want some hope. I wanted him to say "i could see us being married." Huge red flag was thrown up when he couldn't say he even saw a future - I really had no part to play in his life story. NB is 3 years younger and completely unmotivated. Until recently. He decided to study for the LSAT and got a really good score. I knew things were wrong when I would ask about his plans (what schools he was applying to, etc) and it was like pulling teeth. At the last breakfast we had with his parents, they thanked me for helping to motivate him to do something with his life. So now I've helped this guy find direction in his life and it won't include me! The last discussion we had was the breakup. I asked him (again!) if he saw a future with us and he said "I'm not even thinking of getting married right now with you or anyone else." All I heard was "I'm not even thinking of getting married to you right now." That was it. I was done being led on by him. I guess where I feel the most insecure is that how could I have not seen his intentions (or lack of) way sooner and saved myself heartache. Yes, I'm actually crying over a boy who is too immature to commit. I loved him. My family and friends all loved him. I got over the whole age difference a long time ago. We have been broken up for 11 days now. At first I was really angry that he strung me along. Now, I wish he would contact me and explain himself. I wish my life was like a movie where he came rushing to me and declare his love - even if it scares the crap out of him. But I know, life is never like the movies so now I have to move on and find The One.
OliveOyl Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 There are many people who are reasonably mature and able to set life direction at age 26 or so. After around age 25, 3 years is insignificant. And when you get to my age, 3 years is nothing It's not the age difference. It's just who he is.
Cee Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Aww, I'm sorry. You had a wonderful relationship and it ended. Not every great romance is supposed to last forever. That may be hard to believe, but this is not a failure. You did nothing wrong and he did nothing wrong. The relationship ran it's course and you parted ways because you wanted different things. I hope you heal well and take good care of yourself.
folieadeux Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I'm sorry you had to go through this, but I agree with the poster above me...three years isn't that big of a difference at all...especially at the ages you are now. It's not the number, it's just who HE is. Try not to discount a whole age group because The One could also be another 27 year old.
MissGoLightly Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Regardless of how long you've been dating, 26 is very young for you to expect him to marry you, especially if he's planning on going back to school. I know a girl who started dating her bf when she was 30 and he was 25. She basically told him from the get-go that he better propose in 2 years or she was gone, because she was getting old and wasn't going to mess around. He loves her...but no freaking way was he ready to get married at the age of 27. He dragged the dating part of the relationship out for 5 years. Now that he's older, he's ready to be married...so he proposed and they'll be married this summer.
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