MissVegas Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 broke up with my ex because I felt like I was at my wits end with him not treating me properly. He ditched me NYE when I asked him to spend it with me and got really drunk and acted like an idiot. He has ditched me countless times to drink during the 4.5 year relationship despite me telling him how much it hurts, called me names *crazy, psycho, bitch*, query cheated caught him flirting online, sending a picture on his phone etc and despite this I was the stupid girl who tried and tried and tried to just show him how much I loved him and forgave him etc. I know it's so stupid I logically know that but my heart is killing me When I dumped him I guess I wanted more-so for him to change and see what a great girl he had and that he was missing out by acting this way. Instead he deleted myself and all my friends off facebook, did not contact me to apologize, re-added girls on facebook i asked him to delete during our relationship because my gut told me he was flirting with them, has been out partying and drinking every weekend, and I found out he met a girl at the club got her number and went on a date with her..And this fact tore me up. I know what you're thinking that it's so easy to see but this is honestly so painful. I'm grieving and so hurt because It just solidifies the fact I meant nothing to him and it's so easy to get over me and move on while I'm in so much pain . Like I cannot accept that after all the effort i put in and how much i loved him i meant nothing. He texted me in the beginning saying that basically he's a great guy, couldn't change anything and didn't want to make any effort. I just feel like I'm losing myself here. I feel like I hate myself and don't understand why after everything I could mean so little and he can just replace me so easily after four a half years together. We went on vacations, we knew eachothers family well. During Christmas he was so in love with me, got me a beautiful bracelet and we were doing so well and then he just flipped on me and now i mean nothing. How does this work guys?? I just need some support right now I honestly feel so sad and low and I just want it to stop. It feels like it will never end
Woggle Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I know it doesn't seem like it now but in time you will realize you are better off without him. He doesn't deserve you.
Author MissVegas Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 I'm just sitting here sobbing. I just can't get my head around after everything I did to show him I love him and supported him how I can mean so little. I feel like I'll never be good enough for anyone because I honestly put everything into it and I still meant nothing in the end.
Woggle Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 You will be great for somebody that deserves it. You just picked the wrong person which many people do. People like him prefer crap over real quality for some reason.
GivenUp0083 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I feel your pain, being with someone that long and breaking up is not going to be easy. By keeping tabs on him and what he's doing is only going to make you feel worse. You have to try to stop doing that at all costs because no matter what he does it's going to hurt. As for him going on dates, maybe he is still really hurt. Guys can go on dates with women and still be hurt. I feel partly bad for the girl he's gone out with because he probably isn't emotionally available. Just because he went out with a girl doesn't mean he's forgotten about you completely. He may just be trying to force himself to move on with his life. He probably is thinking SHE dumped ME so there's nothing I can do. If he doesn't think he can change then he's probably realizing you won't want to be with him. His choices are to either sit at home and be depressed about it or to go out and try and move on with his life. Sounds like he's trying to do the latter. Adding all those girls back on facebook is probably his way of "getting back" at you. Does he know you're keeping tabs on him? If so he's doing this on purpose, because maybe he's hurt that you dumped him and he wants to make you feel like you made a mistake. If you were unhappy enough with him and he flirted with other women while with you then it sounds like you're better off. Time is the only thing that can heal. Think if it as if you're going through withdrawal from a strong narcotic. It's gonna hurt really bad at first but as time goes on you'll be free of it. Spend time with close friends and family to help you get over it. That's what they're there for.
Brady_to_Moss Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 because I honestly put everything into it and I still meant nothing in the end. It's like restoring a 68 GTO to mint condition only to total it in an accident the next day..all that work is gone..but you know what..that person is going to buy another car and begin the process again..they aren't going to give up doing what they love because they totaled it. I know weird way of thinking about it but hope it helps
Author MissVegas Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 i feel like i'm starting to justify the way he's treated me just because i miss him it's so hard i'm supposed to be writing a paper and i cant even begin because im just perseverating on this whole thing. I just don't understand how I can mean nothing and be nothing to him so quickly
Brady_to_Moss Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I just don't understand how I can mean nothing and be nothing to him so quickly Because deep down inside he is not a good person. There are millions out there like him. One day they are in love..the next they are F'in someone else...happens all the time..just part of life
blackmagik Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Look at it this way. If you were to get him back, how long would it last before he switched back to his old ways and making you feel terrible about yourself? There is someone for everyone, and trust me it won't hurt when you find that person. It will be natural and wonderful. That person will not take you for granted at all and will care for you like you have always wanted. I have been in a similar situation as you. The person I was dating always took me for granted except I left them after their countless mistakes. Now I have found a person who never takes me for granted and cares for me deeply. You can find someone better, no need to waste your thoughts, time, or love on this guy who will never appreciate it.
Author MissVegas Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 thank you for your support. i appreciate it so much!! i'm only 22 and honestly I feel like I'm doomed. I feel like i'll never authentically smile again or get rid of the feeling that my heart is in my stomach and i could burst into tears any second. I just feel like damaged goods and I want to find someone but I feel like he took a lot away from me in regards to my self esteem because i keep questioning what was wrong with me
Lilmisus Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I understand your pain, and sympathize for you, but you need to get your mind out of the state it's in. Yes, it's perfectly normal and even healthy to be devastated after a break up, especially when it lasted for almost five years, but it's not okay to beat yourself up whenever (from what I understand) you did nothing wrong. The way I see it, is that you have multiple ways that you can view yourself, a breakup, and your ex after breaking up. Your choosing a bad way to view it, if I do say so. One great way to see this breakup, is to be thankful and look at what positive things have come from it, and what good things came from the relationship. First: Be thankful that you spent the time with him that you did. What did you learn from this relationship? What did he teach you, either about men or about yourself or relationships? Focus on what you gained from the time you spent with him, and decide if that's enough to label this as a "positive" relationship. Meaning, one that you did take something from after it was over, rather than one that left you completely empty and worse than before it started. I don't think I would be able to believe you if you said that you didn't learn one single thing from him, and no positive things came from this relationship. You gave everything you could, and at least you can't say "what if I gave more? Would he had loved me any more if I did?" You already know the answer to that now, and if you ask me, that's one great thing that you can do in any relationship: give 110% of yourself. You did great, and be thankful that you gave everything you could. Second: Be thankful that it only lasted 4.5 years (yeah, only). What if you married the guy? Then you realized 20 years from now that it was a dead end relationship, rather than learn it right now. A friend of mine has been in a relationship for over five years and they don't want to let it go because they've invested those five years and don't want them to seem like a waste, yet it's obvious to them and everyone else that it needs to end..and soon. You can't drag on a dead relationship, it's not healthy, so be thankful that you didn't do it for any longer than you did. Third: Be thankful that the guy who is worth it to you, is still out there, and that you just haven't met him yet. Focus on this fact. There's a man (or woman, can't say for you), who is not going to do you like your ex did, who won't call you "psycho" or "crazy" or any swear word he can think of, but instead think the world of you. Imagine what a healthy relationship you will have with this guy will be like, and know that you deserve that relationship more than anything. But holding onto your ex and following his steps and who he goes out with and adds or deletes on facebook isn't going to help you meet this guy. You need to pull yourself together, and put your best game face back on and continue looking for him, and be patient while you look and wait. It may take a few more duds to find him, and a few more broken hearts, but it will be worth it when you do find him, trust me. Cry all you have to, get it all out, curse his name, tear up old pictures and throw that bracelet out, but just try to think positive (though I know it's hard to do). This guy wasn't the one for you, and all you can do now is smile and keep your head clear and eyes on the prize. Take all the time you have to, but you can do it chica. And while you're at it, focus and do that paper that you said that you haven't been able to write..you're education is more important than this guy is
Wink Tobasco Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Look at it this way. If you were to get him back, how long would it last before he switched back to his old ways and making you feel terrible about yourself? There is someone for everyone, and trust me it won't hurt when you find that person. It will be natural and wonderful. That person will not take you for granted at all and will care for you like you have always wanted. Lets not have the OP expecting a fairytale life. Such advice isn't useful
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I know it doesn't seem like it now but in time you will realize you are better off without him. He doesn't deserve you. that's trash. this guy, by OP's own words, claims he loved her, took her on vacations, had no problems meeting the family and even bought you jewelry for Christmas. OP admitted all of this. so he likes to drink and has no problem ditching her if she gives him crap... I'd give the bloke a high five for moving along so quickly. I wonder how his side of the story would sound, cause it seems to me like OP took him for granted. kudos, ex bf, kudos.
blackmagik Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Lets not have the OP expecting a fairytale life. Such advice isn't useful It is very useful because it is true. I have been in similar situations in my own life were I felt like there was no one else that could ever care for me like the person I was just with. However people come and go until you find that right person that you will spend your life with. It happens to a LOT of people so fairytale is a false assessment of my comment.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 i feel like i'm starting to justify the way he's treated me just because i miss him it's so hard i'm supposed to be writing a paper and i cant even begin because im just perseverating on this whole thing. I just don't understand how I can mean nothing and be nothing to him so quickly jewelry for Christmas, vacations, showing you love mere months ago... I dunno what you need to justify. sounds like he treated you pretty good to me. those times he called you psycho, or bitch, or ditched you, did you deserve it?? if so, good for him. many men don't have the cojones to call a woman on her crap and do the right thing. you better go crawling back ASAP if you want a shot, cause I'll tell you something, if this new girl's better in bed than you were, you're finito. go crawl back and stop giving him lip.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Because deep down inside he is not a good person. There are millions out there like him. One day they are in love..the next they are F'in someone else...happens all the time..just part of life dear lord, man... really??? she dumped him! you haven't heard his side of the story and you somehow have come to some grand, prophetic conclusion that DEEP DOWN he's a bad person?? WTF? maybe I don't catch as much of the lifetime movie network as you do, but you can't know that. again, she dumped him. why? obviously because she thought he would change somehow. otherwise why not be overjoyed that he is making some other chick's life as horrible as hers was when they were together. but that's not happening, is it?? nope, OP is SAD; very likely because she feels she made a mistake. quit all the touchy feely, bs you're peddling as advice and try to help this woman. seriously OP, look in the mirror. what did you do to cause your relationship to hit the rocks. can YOU fix those things? are you willing? I hope so, cause it sounds like you made a mistake. again, stop giving him crap and see if he'll take you back. or don't, either way, somebody's going on a nice vacation and getting jewelry.
Author MissVegas Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 I always paid for my own vacations, he never took me on vacation. I took him to Vegas though in our relationship. You guys have made me feel even more awful then before so I'm going to give you a complete HISTORY of my relationship and then you can judge. Met 4.5 years ago, Aug 2006 he pursued me I kept saying no as I was busy with school and work etc finally went out with him and i really liked him. A month after we started dating he said he was moving away to a city 3 hours away I agreed to stay with him and work through it. I would take the bus down 110$ he never paid and visit him in his apartment and he never took me out in this city. Anyways one weekend he came back here after i had visited him two weeks before and wanted to go out with his friends and didn't see me all weekend. First red flag. Following that I visited him one time in January where we would spend the whole weekend together Fri, Sat, Sun and on Sat morning he told me basically I had to go home because his friend was coming to town and they were going out. Red flag #2. Following that he asked a female coworker to move in with him to help with rent without discussing it with me first. Red Flag #3 He moved back to where we originally met and bought a condo and I was soo excited he was moving back except he made no time for me when he moved back and was too busy going out with friends drinking and working on his condo. He never took me out for dinners or anywhere and if we did go out i had to ask and pay. He didn't even invite me out to go out for his birthday. The only occasions he does something special or romantic is for Christmas I got jewelry. Going out with his friends and drinking was priority. Anyways I found pictures of his ex girlfriends on his phone. Also found pictures he had sent to a girl he met on a trip away with a friend of him shirtless *he denies he did anything* and found out he was flirting online. He called me crazy, psycho, bitch whenever we'd fight about him basically going out drinking because with him ditching me all the time, and query cheating it caused me anxiety. Basically I understand and know that he wasn't that interested in me I chose to ignore it like many females do. I just don't think it's appropriate to be ditched for drinking on NYE after 4.5 years together.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I just don't think it's appropriate to be ditched for drinking on NYE after 4.5 years together. I disagree. sometimes, it is appropriate. what did you do to piss him off?? how much lip were you giving him? funny how that part's missing from the "whole" story. you see, if you want us to believe this guy was a stone-cold jerk that enjoys kicking fluffy bunnies in his spare time, I'm not buying it. why would you be with such a man for nearly 5 years... moreover, if he was so effing terrible, why do you miss his tyrannical presence in your world?? you should feel relieved that he's preoccupied elsewhere. ...do you see the descrepancies here, honey? your story is all over the place.
depplover_1980 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I disagree. sometimes, it is appropriate. what did you do to piss him off?? how much lip were you giving him? funny how that part's missing from the "whole" story. you see, if you want us to believe this guy was a stone-cold jerk that enjoys kicking fluffy bunnies in his spare time, I'm not buying it. why would you be with such a man for nearly 5 years... moreover, if he was so effing terrible, why do you miss his tyrannical presence in your world?? you should feel relieved that he's preoccupied elsewhere. ...do you see the descrepancies here, honey? your story is all over the place. Hey conflictedguy - are you her ex??
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Hey conflictedguy - are you her ex?? I have to admit, I'd be in great shape (all things considered) if I was. .. I mean think about it, your gf of nearly 5 years ends the relationship (bam! 4.5 years down the drain) and instead of lying down, curled up in the fetal position, listening to slow jams about how he needs his ex back, he's out and about each weekend, meeting new people, having fun & moving on with his life. not to mention, he just bought a new condo he's in the process of fixing up. the man deserves a trophey in the shape of a tall, frosty beer. am I her ex? no. but if I were, I'd be okay with that. guys need to follow this dude's example.
Author MissVegas Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 You're just annoying now. I wasn't giving any lip. I bought him the huge electronic device he wanted for christmas. my family bent over backwards to make sure his christmas at my house was top notch and then he ditches me. That's what happened. Thanks
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