Need some love3 months in :( he went on a date and I'm not coping well at all

[MissVegas]

I broke up with my ex because I felt like I was at my wits end with him not treating me properly. He ditched me NYE when I asked him to spend it with me and got really drunk and acted like an idiot. He has ditched me countless times to drink during the 4.5 year relationship despite me telling him how much it hurts, called me names *crazy, psycho, bitch*, query cheated caught him flirting online, sending a picture on his phone etc and despite this I was the stupid girl who tried and tried and tried to just show him how much I loved him and forgave him etc. I know it's so stupid I logically know that but my heart is killing me

 

When I dumped him I guess I wanted more-so for him to change and see what a great girl he had and that he was missing out by acting this way. Instead he deleted myself and all my friends off facebook, did not contact me to apologize, re-added girls on facebook i asked him to delete during our relationship because my gut told me he was flirting with them, has been out partying and drinking every weekend, and I found out he met a girl at the club got her number and went on a date with her..And this fact tore me up. I know what you're thinking that it's so easy to see but this is honestly so painful. I'm grieving and so hurt because It just solidifies the fact I meant nothing to him and it's so easy to get over me and move on while I'm in so much pain . Like I cannot accept that after all the effort i put in and how much i loved him i meant nothing. He texted me in the beginning saying that basically he's a great guy, couldn't change anything and didn't want to make any effort.

 

I just feel like I'm losing myself here. I feel like I hate myself and don't understand why after everything I could mean so little and he can just replace me so easily after four a half years together. We went on vacations, we knew eachothers family well. During Christmas he was so in love with me, got me a beautiful bracelet and we were doing so well and then he just flipped on me and now i mean nothing. How does this work guys?? I just need some support right now I honestly feel so sad and low and I just want it to stop. It feels like it will never end

[worldgonewrong]

You dumped him.

You shouldn't be looking back whatsoever, unless you're a masochist.