waterfallmt Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I recently went through a divorce...it's actually been over for 2 years now. I haven't gone out much until about 6 months ago. I've had some run ins with this guy that I find very attractive. We first ran into each other at a charity event and after went to a bar with a bunch of people and I ended up taking him home. We kissed and he begged me to come in and stay the night with him and I denied him. We exchanged emails and he thanked me for the ride home but never asked me out again. So I run into him at another local event a month later and we end up kissing again. This would have led to more things but could not happen due to bad timing if you know what I mean. So I guess you could say he was denied again... He now has my number. It has been a week and he hasn't called. He's a very successful business man in the local community and I was told that he's been messed up ever since his wife left him for another man like 7 years ago. I feel a very strong connection to him and we have great chemistry together...passion and all that. I never felt that intense even when I was married. So ...I'm thinking this guy has to feel that when we're together..or maybe not. Is he playing hard to get? Is he just a player? Is he just not interested? Is he scared of me? Is it just going to be a thing whenever we see each other? I'm so clueless on how to handle this. I want to see him again but I'm not going to pursue him...he needs to contact me. Guess it's just getting used to the whole dating scene again. Any thoughts?
SnowandStars Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 That "strong connection" is probably just lust. How much of a connection can you have with someone you've only spent time with twice? It is obvious that he is just looking for something physical--nothing more. If you are okay with just having a fun, nsa, physical relationship with him--there is nothing wrong with you contacting him and suggesting you two spend some time together. However, I don't see it being anything more than that. If he was truly interested, he would have contacted you.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 (edited) That "strong connection" is probably just lust Good job on turning him down though. It builds her value in his eyes. Edited March 14, 2011 by Untouchable_Fire
carhill Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 My assessment is mutual lust and a man who is interested in sex right away. Nothing wrong with any of that. If he was genuinely interested, he'd ask you out on an official date. Successful businessmen didn't get there by being shy and retiring. They're aggressive and assertive. Asking you out to dinner, after you expressed interest in him repeatedly, with appropriate boundaries, is a no-brainer. His lack of contact tells me that, after seven years of being 'single', it's very doubtful he's celibate and is likely mining other opportunities. If he can 'meet' women and get what he wants without dating, that's what he'll do. Define precisely what kind of contact you find to be acceptable and accept nothing less. I offered the example of 'asking you on a date' as one potential. Good luck and welcome to LS
Author waterfallmt Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 That "strong connection" is probably just lust. How much of a connection can you have with someone you've only spent time with twice? It's the physical connection that is so strong. I wouldn't mind just having a fling like that right now and if it leads to other things than great. But, if he hasn't contacted me yet I'm assuming he just wants nothing at all.
carhill Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 If you want a fling, just contact him and spell it out. Simple
Author waterfallmt Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 If you want a fling, just contact him and spell it out. Simple I can't do that...I would honestly feel stupid.
carhill Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I feel that accepting and expressing your needs and desires is never stupid. In fact, it's smart. You apparently do not want a serious relationship with him, rather a short-term sexual fling. He may or may not be interested in that. Traditional mating/LTR/marriage rules don't apply. A woman doesn't need to be 'passive' to have a successful fling. Compartmentalize the emotions and go enjoy. If he declines, his loss
Author waterfallmt Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 I feel that accepting and expressing your needs and desires is never stupid. In fact, it's smart. You apparently do not want a serious relationship with him, rather a short-term sexual fling. He may or may not be interested in that. Traditional mating/LTR/marriage rules don't apply. A woman doesn't need to be 'passive' to have a successful fling. Compartmentalize the emotions and go enjoy. If he declines, his loss I guess I feel that he already has declined me in a way by not contacting me. I'm scared of getting no response or myself being declined. I will see him again in this not so big city I live in. Part of me just wants to remain a mystery to him and I will just be someone he runs into at times. Until he decides to buck up and ask me out on a date.
carhill Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Another way of looking at it is that your expressed boundaries incline him to think you are not interested in casual and situational and spontaneous expressions of lust, so, if that's what he's interested in, he's off looking for other potentials. If you happen to meet again, just go with the flow and align your boundaries with what your intended goal is.
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