TigerCub Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Hey Everyone Just wanted to give a very happy update: I finally made it out of the fire - completely and wholeheartedly. I know that I'm sooooooooooo past it and so done. My bday was on Sunday. Saturday I went out with my bf and a bunch of friends to celebrate. Yesterday I spent the day with my bf and it was fantastic. Today.... (wait for it)... I get an email from xMM wishing me a happy belated bday. and wishing that all is well with me. We haven't talked since I sent him my final letter in Dec. AND when we've ran into each other in my building @ work, I've totally just walked past him like he was no one. And today I get this email... PULLLLEEEAAAAZE! I deleted it and I honestly felt nothing - ok, well I felt surprised at first when I saw his name in my inbox, but other than that, nothing. And that's how I know that I'm sooooo over it, I haven't had romantic feelings or romantic thoughts of him in soooooo long, and now after seeing his email and knowing that I can just delete it and not care to talk to him, I just know I made it out completely and its an awesome feeling This post is NOT to make anyone in an A feel bad. I've never judged (I was there too) but I also hope that those trying NC because they felt the A was destructive to them - I just hope that my post inspires you and shows you that it can be done - there will come a time, when you're out of the fire too
donnamaybe Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 VERY happy for you TC that your heart is all healed up!
Silly_Girl Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Hey!! Good for you. Anyone in a space that makes them unhappy should use your post as inspiration to make changes. Really pleased for you.
Silly_Girl Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Hey!!! Good for you. I hope anyone in a space that makes them unhappy can be inspired to make changes. So pleased for you!!
Amour7 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I also hope that those trying NC because they felt the A was destructive to them - I just hope that my post inspires you and shows you that it can be done - there will come a time, when you're out of the fire too Tiger Cub- I am happy for you I am one of those struggling with NC who could use inspiration. I can't imagine getting to that point where you feel free and hopeful that there will be other love to share, so thanks for posting. It gives me something to set my sights on for a goal.
BB07 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I'm happy for you TC. It is wonderful being in a better frame of mind and without the drama of something that is destructive to ourselves. You go girl!
Author TigerCub Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Tiger Cub- I am happy for you I am one of those struggling with NC who could use inspiration. I can't imagine getting to that point where you feel free and hopeful that there will be other love to share, so thanks for posting. It gives me something to set my sights on for a goal. Thanks Amour It is hard at first, but if you keep in mind all the crappy things these MMs do (and they all do it in one way or another) - If you remind yourself of the pain you've been through, the ways they have failed you, the lies they have told - it'll help you stay focused on getting out and getting the good things you deserve. Good luck in finding your happiness
Author TigerCub Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 I'm happy for you TC. It is wonderful being in a better frame of mind and without the drama of something that is destructive to ourselves. You go girl! Thanks BB Yeah I knew that I was done with my romantic feelings for him (or else I wouldn't have committed to my current bf) But I think it really took the act of him(xMM) reaching out to me, and me truly and honestly not caring to fully show me that I am truly and completely so done with it all....That feeling of knowing that I am 100% completely free of him is truly incredible
TurboGirl Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Thanks for your post. I'm still very very sad about the way my xMM treated me... he was a total D*** there at the end. Part of me just can't grasp the fact that someone was that mean & cruel... but I do know this guy and he will contact me again. I am NC of course, and there is no going back. So you made it through and moved on. That is so encouraging for me to hear. I'm happy that you are feeling better, and hopefully one day soon my cloud will lift too.
Author TigerCub Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 (edited) Thanks for your post. I'm still very very sad about the way my xMM treated me... he was a total D*** there at the end. Part of me just can't grasp the fact that someone was that mean & cruel... but I do know this guy and he will contact me again. I am NC of course, and there is no going back. I'm glad I can help TurboGirl. I don't know your story, but I can certainly imagine and relate to the pain you went through being an AP. I will say this. If you do break NC with him - don't beat yourself up! I used to feel so ashamed of myself that I wasn't stronger when I broke NC (but the kicker is - I only felt shame when I wasn't with him at the moment) I've learned that I had to reach a point where I felt totally at the end of my rope - that there was way more hurt and pain than happiness, and then I really started to see all the things I was over looking, all the things I didn't want to see. That really helped me move on finally - when it was just too disgusting to look at and face. It took a lot of tries at NC and then LC and then WTF am I doing wasting time on this fool??! So yeah, I hope you do what is best for you, but my point is - don't beat yourself up if you slip. But try your hardest to keep YOU and YOUR best interest the focus of the big picture. So you made it through and moved on. That is so encouraging for me to hear. I'm happy that you are feeling better, and hopefully one day soon my cloud will lift too. Thank you You will get there too - once your heart and head match up - you'll want completely out and you will find someone so much better than xMM that it would be ridiculous to even compare Edited March 14, 2011 by TigerCub
Happy Finally Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I am happy for you TC. My affair just ended (we both are the OP). It was emotional at first and then physical and then completely physical finally on Sat. Ended on Sunday....feelings become to intense she says...I am hurt..she says she is... NC, I am guessing is no contact. My A wants to remain friends although I said it is best not to have contact. I will do my best...but I I know if she reached out at this point...I would reach back. You give people hope...and these things happens so fast...the build up...the forming of feelings and for some of us...it ends rather quickly....but on the other hand for some it probably goes on forever. Congrats!!!!!!
Author TigerCub Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 I am happy for you TC. My affair just ended (we both are the OP). It was emotional at first and then physical and then completely physical finally on Sat. Ended on Sunday....feelings become to intense she says...I am hurt..she says she is... I'm very sorry for the pain you're going through right now - it can be devastating, I totally understand it. I never went "completely physical" with my xMM - mainly because I knew myself, I knew that although I can have unattached sex with people I don't know - and not care about it later. I knew that I wouldn't be able to have that view when it came to xMM - that's the main reason I never had intercourse with him. Well, the other reason was because if we did, then it would be a "real" affair - hehe, its so silly that I actually thought that way at the time - it was a real affair with or without intercourse NC, I am guessing is no contact. My A wants to remain friends although I said it is best not to have contact. I will do my best...but I I know if she reached out at this point...I would reach back. Yes, NC is no contact. I understand why she wants to remain friends - its hard to completely cut off a person you care a lot about, or even love. Its easier to have them in your life anyway - even if it is as friends. I do agree with you, that it is best to not have contact, at least for now, because honestly, we all know that the friends stage wont last and it will be back to A in no time. But as I said to TurboGirl, if you do break NC and reach out or communicate with her if she reaches out, don't beat yourself up too much - it is a long road to completely breaking free, but with determination, it can be done You give people hope...and these things happens so fast...the build up...the forming of feelings and for some of us...it ends rather quickly....but on the other hand for some it probably goes on forever. Congrats!!!!!! Thank you I'm glad that those that need the encouragement right now, can take something from my post. I've been there and I know the pain and the uncertainty, the questions and the guilt. It is an addiction, and as you said, it really does happen so fast. I never in my life thought I would be in that kind of situation, but there I was - I'm just glad that for me, it wasn't something that went on forever. I wish you all the best, and I hope that you can find your way back to happiness.
Author TigerCub Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Wooohooooo! :) So happy for you Tiger! Thanks Hazy
Emme Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 but I also hope that those trying NC because they felt the A was destructive to them - I just hope that my post inspires you and shows you that it can be done - there will come a time, when you're out of the fire too I am so proud of you. I am still in the beginning I think of no contact and It's killing me. No matter what I do he is in my thoughts everyday. If he called or emailed me tomorrow I would run to him because I miss him. Your post is letting me see that there is light at the end of the tunnel and hopefully one day I will reach where you have. Thanks for sharing.
East7 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Hi TC, I just noticed you post, how could I miss it I'm happy that you are moving on and that you are emotionally done with xMM. Happy bday, though I'm late.. bises mon chou
Heather1 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Jealous, I'm out but am nowhere near not thinking about him. I still have about a mil & one thoughts about how he feels about me, or if he felt anything? I still have strong feelings, but in NC. Happy - is that a wrecking ball avatar?? that's hysterical!!
findingnemo Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 That's great news, TC. Happy belated birthday:)
Happy Finally Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Jealous, I'm out but am nowhere near not thinking about him. I still have about a mil & one thoughts about how he feels about me, or if he felt anything? I still have strong feelings, but in NC. Happy - is that a wrecking ball avatar?? that's hysterical!! Sorry TC, not stealing your thread. Yes, it is...that's what I feel like is going through my life right now so it is appropriate. I just wish I could locate that damn red pill, so I can come back to reality instead of this illusion I have created for myself.
Author TigerCub Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 I am so proud of you. I am still in the beginning I think of no contact and It's killing me. No matter what I do he is in my thoughts everyday. If he called or emailed me tomorrow I would run to him because I miss him. Your post is letting me see that there is light at the end of the tunnel and hopefully one day I will reach where you have. Thanks for sharing. Hey Emme, Thanks for being proud of me As for what you said about thinking of your MM. I totally get it. When I used to go NC before, I would think about him and miss him and it would break my heart. The last time we went NC was because I saw too much of the "real" him, and it really disgusted me. So it was easier to go NC that time. I still thought about him - not really in a romantic sense, but he was on my mind every single day. Thinking of them, doesn't mean that you're going back a step - you're human and you have feelings and strong attachments to your MM, so I completely understand what you're saying. I think when you reach a point where you're completely at the end of you rope - or if you discover disturbing things about him, if they've been putting on an act this whole time, and you finally see the real them - or if you finally get fed up and decide you want something better. You'll get yourself out if that is what you truly want. Whatever it is you want, I hope you find it
Author TigerCub Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Hi TC, I just noticed you post, how could I miss it I'm happy that you are moving on and that you are emotionally done with xMM. Happy bday, though I'm late.. aaaww, thanks East bises mon chou
Author TigerCub Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Jealous, I'm out but am nowhere near not thinking about him. I still have about a mil & one thoughts about how he feels about me, or if he felt anything? I still have strong feelings, but in NC. Happy - is that a wrecking ball avatar?? that's hysterical!! Hang in there Heather. I understand those thoughts. I spent so much time wondering: Why did he target me to lie to about his relationship status, to get involved with? Did he ever love me for real? Did he just completely lie about everything and totally play me for a fool? Does he think I'm so stupid for putting myself in the position I did? I wonder how him and his GF and their bastards are getting along? Does he ever miss me? Does he regret being so cruel to someone that never judged him, someone that never did anything to hurt him? oh man, all those questions and a billion more ran through my head well after NC started. But you know what? I finally decided to stop asking because it truly doesn't matter. All I know of him is that he is a compulsive liar that lied to the one person that would never have judged him (me). So even if he were to answer all those questions - would I believe any of it? NO It doesn't matter because the end result is the same. The sooner you come to that line of thinking, the sooner the questions and thoughts of xMM will die down. Good luck to you Heather
Author TigerCub Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 That's great news, TC. Happy belated birthday:) Thanks FN
Emme Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Hey Emme, Thanks for being proud of me As for what you said about thinking of your MM. I totally get it. When I used to go NC before, I would think about him and miss him and it would break my heart. The last time we went NC was because I saw too much of the "real" him, and it really disgusted me. So it was easier to go NC that time. I still thought about him - not really in a romantic sense, but he was on my mind every single day. Thinking of them, doesn't mean that you're going back a step - you're human and you have feelings and strong attachments to your MM, so I completely understand what you're saying. I think when you reach a point where you're completely at the end of you rope - or if you discover disturbing things about him, if they've been putting on an act this whole time, and you finally see the real them - or if you finally get fed up and decide you want something better. You'll get yourself out if that is what you truly want. Whatever it is you want, I hope you find it I am just trying to get my head around it. I was fine with no longer having a sexual relatoinship for years. NO SEX, which was hard as hell but I did it. But to have no contact at all from him. It's like murder. I feel like a kid that was playing with it's favorite toy that no one wanted and then someone came and snatched it out of my hand. My favorite toy is gone and I have no clue what to do. How to cope. It's all I know in a sense . I just always wanted him to be in my life at least even though we were no longer together. Just to have my friend by my side. I just want my friend back .
Recommended Posts