EmptyPromises Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Ive been involved in an emotionally abusive relationship for 3 years now and I need to get out of it once and for all. I am so SICK of the abuse and feeling like im worthless. I have tried to get out of it SEVERAL times but always went back to him. I need to (somehow) be strong and move on from this. Does anyone have any helpful tips/stories/ideas to help me get over this relationship?
yessy21 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I did it. When i was 16 years old i moved in with my boyfriend of two years. he beat me everyday. if my boss called to come to work early... he would say i was cheating and beat me. anything. my shirt my phone. if his brother looked at me. I was addicted to the sex. after a while i realized that there are other men out there. and as much as it hurt me one day i got up and tried to leave. needless to say he beat me again... but this time after he did. i just layed down. when i got up and saw his phone vibrating nonstop. when i went through his phone... he was cheating on me with a fat blob. needless to say i got up and threw it at him and we fought again.... someone called my brother in the house and he came and told him if he lays one finger on me he will kill him. A month later. i met a man that changed my whole life. i had a child with him and he was as goodlooking as i was. i realized that the beatings were insecurity and obsession. what made me finally break was the cheating. i refused to be with someone that was going to cheat on me with someone that didnt even amount to my standard. I know its hard but i promise u that when ur out.... things will fall into place.
Author EmptyPromises Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Thank you for your story. Although my ex has put his hands on me before, he is more emotionally abusive. He calls me names, manipulates and controls me. He makes me feel worthless and like my life is falling apart. His latest episode was saturday at his brothers coming home party. Out of no where he starts calling me stupid and retarded in front of his family and friends. I ran off crying and he came after me. I asked him how he could talk to me like that, how could he call me such names. I would never do that. His response ; you are stupid you are retarded. I was goimg to go home but his family told me to stay. We wound up going to a bar. I was telling him how good of a guy his brother was for going to the marines. This set him off. He started calling me a whore and a slut in front of the whole bar. " Why don't u just f-ck him?" I was pissed, I slapped him and walked off. This pissed him off even more so he decided to embarass me even more. He started calling me a psycho and a stalker telling people he hadn't invited me to the party! He told me he hated me that he never liked me. He told me I wasn't allowed to sleep over and to drive home. He left me there and went to a girls house with his friends. I called him hysterical saying I couldn't drive that I'd been drinking. He put me on speakerphone so everyone could hear me. He was laughing. He then let some girl text me from his phone calling me names like anorexic and ugly. And then he texted me saying he was gonna have sex with one of the girls. I drove home so upset. He texted me in the morning saying I was the worst person and then texted me later apologizing for his behavior but said its "not our time right now". I need to move on from this jerk, but he has a way with words and I go back to him every time. I know I deserve better but my ego and self esteem is non existent right now from all the abuse.How do I get the strength to move on?
angelboots Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 (edited) time.. family support or supportive friends.. and a good therapist.. My children's dad was physically, mentally and emotionally abusive. I was also 16 and he beat me almost everyday, cheated on me over 9 times and I stayed with him for four years "for the children's sake" before one day I realised our daughters were going to grow up thinking this was ok behaviour to accept from a man you loved.. and I left for them. It was hard.. the dance continued for about 12 months after I left with him trying every tactic in the book to win me back, but because my eyes had been opened up to the cycle of abuse I knew it by heart and did manage a clean break but again I say it does take time and determination. I personally recovered from the physical abuse issues very quickly... bruises heal.. but mental and emotional abuse takes a lot longer to recover from and you cant do it with out help from support people and a good therapist. Usually by the time you admit to yourself that the relationship is toxic.. your self esteem is so damaged you do feel like you are "stupid, ugly, fat, useless, crazy" or what ever else you have been conditioned to believe... For example my ex wouldn't allow me to use my own bankcard or access my money because I was "too stupid" to know what i was doing.. it took me a year after i left him to be able to use a bank machine.. not because I didn't physically know how to use it, but because I would freeze in front of the machine and hear he's voice in my head telling me that I was "to stupid" to know what to do. I personally still seem to have issues with being attracted to abusive men.. not all of my ex's have been like that and I maintain friendship with quite a few of them but my current ex is diagnosed NPD/BPD and one a few years back sexually assaulted me on a regular basis over a period of 3 months before he strangled me into unconsciousness then thinking I was dead fled the house. i called the police and had him prosecuted. For me that day I took my power back. No man will hit me again and get away with it. I am constantly striving now to understand why I stayed with those men, why I let them do what they did and hopefully one day soon I can break the pattern. Be strong and cut him out for good. You can do it xx Edited March 14, 2011 by angelboots
Mcnulty Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 This "man" is a misogynistic, manipulative bully! If ANYONE said I was stupid and retarded, they would never get another word out of me, they'd be gone EVEN if I was in love with them! It's about self respect and dignity. You can regain these things and become a much stronger person from this experience, but only by WALKING AWAY! The longer you put up with it the deeper the knife will turn and the longer you will take to regain your self esteem and face the world. Please don't put up with this.
Author EmptyPromises Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 thank you guys, hes been texting me and calling me...at first he was sending me mean texts but now he keeps saying hes sorry. i dont care this was definitely the last straw. hell NEVER change. if i ever feel like cracking im going to come to this site first to get your support.
TurboGirl Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 EmptyPromises, Please get away from this man! You are worth SO MUCH MORE!!!! My ex-husband treated me like that... no one believed me... he was educated, had a great job, we lived in a huge beautiful house. I called the police on him after he put his hands on my throat... pushed me down a flight of steps, I had a miscarriage... finally left. Whew. We then tried counseling, becuase I still loved this A**H***. He lied to the Therapist, said he never hit me, and I was the one with the problem. OMG. Took me about 2+ years to get my self esteem somewhat back to normal. You have to put your physical safety above all, becuase no man should EVER EVER raise his hand to you. EVER. The longer you allow someone like that in your life, the longer you accept the abuse, you become conditioned to it, like it is normal. Do not respond to texts, this man is a manipulator and takes pleasure in treating you this way. Please go NC and get to a therapist, surround yourself with your friends and family who love you and can support you.
sweetblubrry Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and it was the worst thing I ever went through in my life. My advice is to cut contact completely! It hurts like hell but it will be so worth it. THe damage that I suffered from that 2 month relationship was so much worse than any other one. My self-esteem and self-worth took a nose dive. NO GUY is worth that. It took almost a year and a half for me to heal from that relationship.
name witheld Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Well at first I was going to say this from the man's side. Like maybe he doesn't know how he makes you feel or something else... But reading more - this guy knows! And he also knows you have put up with it. So show him you won't by showing him a clean pair of heels (btw go shopping for a night out - attention from decent guys will help you) This guy is a loser, you want your kids to inherit his loser genes? A real man should make a woman feel happy. Does he make you feel like a princess?
Author EmptyPromises Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 No he makes me feel like sh*t. And whenever he would put me down or call me a name i made it clear that it hurt my feelings. I tried sitting down with him several times, telling him he needs to filter what he says to me, needs to treat me with more respect and love before I left him for good. Its so funny because last week i told him i felt like i had to walk on eggshells with conversations we had because if i said something wrong hed explode in a rage of anger and jealousy. I just read up on the signs of abuse and "feeling like you have to walk on eggshells" is one of them. Hes been calling and texting me since Saturday i havent responded. I did look at his facebook and there were pictures from saturday night and sunday morning. the pictures from sunday morning he was still wearing saturday nights clothes, where his family is still in pajamas. Im figuring he slept at that girls house if hes still in his clothes from the previous night i unfriended him on facebook. i woke up this morning and my heart just hurts. im just sad.
yessy21 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Honey, its going to hurt... change ur number. make sure he doesnt get a hold of u... and for ****s and giggles... when he comes near u in any place.... do him in like he did u.... start screaming "STALKER!!! help hes threatning meee!!!!" embarass him. when chris came looking for me... i grabbed a rock and started throwing them at him. But do it. i bet u ur gorgeous and u can have anyone else. Dont let this insecure bastard try to get the best of u.
betterdeal Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Do not go back to him. Do not go back to him. Do not go back to him. Do not go back to him for your sake. Do not go back to him for his sake. Do not go back to him. His is responsible for his problems. You are responsible for your problems. Going back to him is one of your problem. Do not go back to him and I guarantee you your life will get better. Tell someone in authority about his violent behaviour. Shouting, demeaning, lying, setting out to embarrass, all done to hurt are forms of violence. Do not go back to him. He hurts you. I love you, we love you. Your friends love you. You need to realise that you love you too. Stop putting your hand on the hot stove. You are a lovely, loveable person. You are unique, wonderful and lovely. Say these things to yourself at least 10 times every day: I am loveable, I am lovely, I love me. Block his phone number. Do not go back to him. Do not answer the door to him. Call the police if he pesters you. Keep a dairy of events, of when he calls, when he visits your house, what he does. You may need this for a court case. You cannot fix him. He will not change if you do not change. Expect more for yourself. The book, The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing is the best I have read on the subject. You may also find it useful. Do not go back to him.
Author EmptyPromises Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 So i went a full week no contact. He was calling me and texting me everyday. Just now he texted me again and my mom told me to tell him to get lost and stop texting me. So I did, and he started texting me really mean things telling me he never loved me (again), hasnt liked me in so long and just used me. He said hes the one who broke up with me not the other way around and that this was his choice. He told me to have fun being a slut, etc.
Author EmptyPromises Posted March 21, 2011 Author Posted March 21, 2011 he started messaging me on facebook IM saying really mean things so i unfriended him. the latest thing he said to me was " at least i got some pictures and videos out of you". He's threatening to post half naked/naked pictures i sent him on the internet. hes done this before when we broke up. now what do i do? ugh
betterdeal Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 You contact a lawyer and see if you can sue him if he posts those images. You also see about a restraining order. He's not making any sense - he says he didn't care for you yet he's doing all the calling? He's volatile and making you feel terrible. Shut him out of your life. Block his phone number, block him on Facebook, block all means of communication. If he sends you anything, do not open it. Send it back with no note or destroy it. He is bent on hurting you into submitting to him. You are worth so much more. He is in the wrong. You do not deserve this. He was fortunate enough to be given some of your time in the past, and now you are not going to give him any more.
dreamingoftigers Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 Ignore him completely, he is a whiny little coward, that's why he is doing this. He wants a reaction, any kind will do and he wants his power back. Give him nothing, he deserves even less. He is right, he didn't ever love you and he didn't respect you either. People who love don't act like that. So I guess all you lost was one waste of time who didn't love and respect you. Don't even tell him to get lost. He's lost enough. Don't worry about him telling other people anything negative about you, if I saw an idiot down-talking his gf (and yes, we've all seen them) we know what's up. If there is any way he can see your fb profile or anything, just post a picture of you with the biggest biggest smile and change your status to: Finally free and happy! Don't look back ever. He oscillates pretty quickly eh? Not your dreamguy. He will act like he needs you, like you are extra-special and "please forgive him." He doesn't need you, he needs some Anger Management. If he did need you, that's not how you treat someone you need! If you were extra-special to him, he would have treated you like it. Forgive him for acting like that and move right on. If you need a book on what to say or do when pressured by a 'repentant' abuser, let me know. Read about what happened and take some time to heal. My marriage has had some emotionally abusive elements to it, and quite frankly I am 28 and felt like I was falling apart. I haven't even assessed all of the damage yet. I haven't even had to deal with anything as overt and ridiculous like you did. BTW: the correct response to " Why don't you just **** him?" is "because you'll act like a psycho stalker and he is away with the marines, settling for the bronze medal hasn't been as fun as I thought it would be." (but I guess that would be abusive so never mind) If you want to know why he felt the need to talk like that to you: It's because he lacks self-respect and respect for another human being. It sounds like his family encouraged that. Just in case you got stuck in that trap again.
yessy21 Posted March 21, 2011 Posted March 21, 2011 he started messaging me on facebook IM saying really mean things so i unfriended him. the latest thing he said to me was " at least i got some pictures and videos out of you". He's threatening to post half naked/naked pictures i sent him on the internet. hes done this before when we broke up. now what do i do? ugh now... u send him an email back stating this... " go ahead post them... now everyone will see what im working with.... ull be doing me a favor. ;)" That will sting.... But do it!
healingabusedwomen Posted April 6, 2011 Posted April 6, 2011 I was in the same exact situation you were in I was abused for 2 years and I finally got so tired of being treated like I was trash that I finally left him. I did the same thing you did break up then take him back I did it about 8 or more times I know what its like to not being able to let go of your first love or the person you love. It was hard to finally end things between us but I finally did it. Now I created a blog to help women heal from their abusive relationships If you want to check it out it http://healingabusedwomen.com/ I hope I can help you with finally being able to leave your partner and get out of that abusive relationship you are in =] Keep your head up Connie
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