wmrjw82 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Okay guys... if you are not familiar with my situation here are my previous 2 threads on it: "Ex went from AMAZING to cold in 3 weeks..." http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t263936/ "Ex made contact... Does she miss me?" http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t264543/ Well yesterday was day No. 42 of NC and I woke up this morning to two texts from her at 11:30pm. I wanted some input. For those who have been following my threads i'm still in love with this girl and i'm willing to give her a second chance. I just want to know what you guys think of the texts... "Okay so I've looked high and low. We are going to have to meet. You've got somet things of mine I really need!" "Plus I've got mail and some of (my son's) old baby clothes you might want." What gets me about these txts is the need to want to meet. What she is referring to that I have of hers is some old children's books. I already explained to her that I dont have them (at the time of BU 2 months ago). As far as my son's old baby clothes I could care less...they wont fit him anymore anyways. But in any case, why couldn't she just mail them...? Why the need to meet? Now, I never replied to her text on 2/9/11 at the advice of everyone around me (including LS) where she told me she was "praying for me and my custody battle".... BUT... i'm afraid if I dont respond to this I will come across as bitter. I love her and I want her back but I want to make sure the motives are right. What do you guys think?
betterdeal Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Has anything changed? I mean, you haven't changed, have you? And assuming she hasn't either, what's the likelihood things will change between you two? I'm a bit rusty on my chemistry, but when two specific compounds are mixed they produce the same results over and over again. If you change one of the compounds, the reaction may be different the next time you mix them together. Otherwise it's the same thing over and over and over again.
Movingthrough Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Okay guys... if you are not familiar with my situation here are my previous 2 threads on it: "Ex went from AMAZING to cold in 3 weeks..." http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t263936/ "Ex made contact... Does she miss me?" http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t264543/ Well yesterday was day No. 42 of NC and I woke up this morning to two texts from her at 11:30pm. I wanted some input. For those who have been following my threads i'm still in love with this girl and i'm willing to give her a second chance. I just want to know what you guys think of the texts... "Okay so I've looked high and low. We are going to have to meet. You've got somet things of mine I really need!" "Plus I've got mail and some of (my son's) old baby clothes you might want." What gets me about these txts is the need to want to meet. What she is referring to that I have of hers is some old children's books. I already explained to her that I dont have them (at the time of BU 2 months ago). As far as my son's old baby clothes I could care less...they wont fit him anymore anyways. But in any case, why couldn't she just mail them...? Why the need to meet? Now, I never replied to her text on 2/9/11 at the advice of everyone around me (including LS) where she told me she was "praying for me and my custody battle".... BUT... i'm afraid if I dont respond to this I will come across as bitter. I love her and I want her back but I want to make sure the motives are right. What do you guys think? I hate to say it but like the above poster has said, i dont think anything has changed. The fact that these messages are kind of laid back "I need something" is telling me she is just fishing, or throwing out crumbs. The first thing that popped in my head when i read them was you answering or meeting up and her being like "Ok cya" when you answer or see her. Your best bet now is to do nothing, give the space. My ex when we split did the same stuff, sent me a bunch of texts wishing me luck on something i had going on at the moment, asked me to not ignore her, etc etc. In the long run this is going to really hurt for you if you fall for those traps. I know NC is hard because its like you are ignoring them but it doesnt matter, even if they thought that, if they wake up one day and say "Wow i really messed up" they will make it happen. As for now, dont fall for the crumbs..
Chi townD Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Personally, I feel that you should keep maintaining NC. However, if you do respond, I would keep it business, TOTALLY Business! " If this is in reference to those children's books, I've already explained to you that I don't have them; however, I will look again just to make sure. As far as "son's" clothes are concerned, he will not fit in those anymore, so if you want to donate them to the Red Cross, or Salvation Army feel free to do so." Then I would leave it alone. If she STILL wants to see you, then you can inquire as to why.
lolo1234 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Don't go for it. Walk through what you think will likely happen if you respond... you might get to see her. Nothing will likely come of it. You might say something that will make it be known you are still pining for her and then you'll feel like a fool later.
Author wmrjw82 Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Personally, I feel that you should keep maintaining NC. However, if you do respond, I would keep it business, TOTALLY Business! " If this is in reference to those children's books, I've already explained to you that I don't have them; however, I will look again just to make sure. As far as "son's" clothes are concerned, he will not fit in those anymore, so if you want to donate them to the Red Cross, or Salvation Army feel free to do so." Then I would leave it alone. If she STILL wants to see you, then you can inquire as to why. I went with this approach. It sounded curtious, yet stuck to business. I didn't reveal my feelings are still there at all. At the same time, I replied to her message, she wont get the feeling that I'm bitter or punishing her. I think its a win/win. I wont get my hopes up because I know its just a breadcrumb, but I guess in my own way I just threw a breadcrumb back. No harm done!
Layzie89 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 What Chi Town said. Breadcrumbs, yes. She could have very easily mailed your stuff to you if she needed to and I doubt those children books mean that much to her that after nearly 2 months she is still looking for them and wanting them back. If I were you, I'd be smiling right now wmr! You got the power back my man...I wouldn't respond BUT...I know how you're feeling right now man. Ff you feel the need to respond, do so in the shortest, sweetest, most business-like way possible. No weakness, no relationship talk, dress nice and smile. Don't meet with her with any expectations whatsoever!!!
Author wmrjw82 Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 So basically I replied yesterday w/... "If this is in reference to those children's books, I already explained to you that I dont have them; however, I will look again just to make sure. In regards to (my son's) clothes, he will not fit them anymore so if you would like to donate them to the Red Cross or Salvation Army feel free to do so. Any mail can be thrown away" Then I woke up this morning and I realized this could give her an opening to mess w/ my head later on down the line w/ this BS... so I sent her one last txt this morning. It reads: "I couldn't find the books. Look, (ex), I was really hurt by our breakup and i'm just trying to move on. If you're just contacting me in regards to material things I would appreciate it if you could resist the urge to contact me in the future" I will send nothing more and that last txt message was VERY hard for me to do. It was like I was closing the door. Not only because I was exposing my feelings to her, but that I was telling her not to contact me w/ this **** in the future. I hope I did the right thing. I just dont want to sit back and wonder if she'll be asking me about these damn books in the future or not. I dont want to be bothered with it because it hinders my progress. all thoughts and feedback would be appreciated...
TheGrimSweeper Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 I wouldn't have sent the last one if I were you, it shows your still affected by the breakup which would give her an ego boost but its not bad.
Author wmrjw82 Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 I wouldn't have sent the last one if I were you, it shows your still affected by the breakup which would give her an ego boost but its not bad. I thought about that, but to me it was more important that she didn't try this on down the road. I could see her txting me later on sometime and being like "so did you find those books?"... She can have her ego boost and know that i'm still hurting. Atleast it shows I cared and more importantly am trying to move on w/o bothering her like she's doing to me. I dont want games. If you contact me it better be that you're sorry and you want a second chance. Not for some BS like this.
TryTryAgain Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 If you contact me it better be that you're sorry and you want a second chance. Not for some BS like this. I couldn't agree more. I think you did the right thing, especially because it's for your healing.
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