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Depression


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Posted

I've been away from LS for a little while as I thought it was allowing me to dwell on what's been going on, but I need to ask a question that I hope will put my mind at rest.

 

After an 8 year relationship my fiance of 2 years left me. That was a little over 2 months ago and like a prick I haven't been able to let it go - she is the love of my life and it's just too hard to believe we have to be strangers.

 

I went to the doctors last week and he diagnosed me with depression.

 

After spending ages researching the condition I realise I have been suffering for probably 15 years! (ouch) It's not the sort of chronic can't function **** but dark thoughts of no self worth and pushing people away has been there as long as I can remember.

 

I blamed myself for the break up as my behaviour spiralled and I was unable to allow anyone to be close to me. There were other reasons but I realise now that I had no control over my behaviour and that if I had got this diagnosis sooner things would be waaaay different.

 

I emailed my ex last night (drunk email) telling her never to contact me again, that I need closure form her if I'm ever to move forward - she's made it abundantly clear that she doesn't love me 'like that' anymore but she still has feeling for me - as you would after spending 8 years with someone! and I understand why and appreciate that she had the strength to leave before we got married or she cheated etc.

 

So - my question is, should I get in touch and tell her about the diagnosis, that I have depression and am taking meds which will in time cure it? I don't want her to come back out of sympathy but every relationship needs compassion right? What do you think?? Let her know what's been going on all this time or leave her to get on with her new life.

Posted

How about this, you try to get to grips with dealing with your condition first, then when you are stronger, you could tell her if you still wish to.

 

Btw, I don't think it will make her come back to you if you tell her.

Posted

Pretty much in the same place as you there BD.

 

I don't plan on going anywhere near a relationship again until I am fixed & as much as I want & miss my ex fiancee I am sticking to NC.

Of course I hope she will drop by or make some reconcilliation but also like you I'm glad she had the courage to end it before we got married this summer & perhaps got into a deeper mess.

 

After some therapy I too have noticed my depression going back as far as I can remember & it has affected my relationship choices & ultimately been a major factor in the breakdown of all my relationships.

 

Only I can break that pattern by getting myself to 100%, if I go back or sideways I will only end up in the same place & I've been doing this for 20 years!

 

My therapist gave me a book to work though, it's helping but it is hard work. I've been working out again recently (only at home as my local gym is for millionaires only) but it certainly is improving my confidence in myself.

I may actually venture back out into the world this week with friends as I have been hibernating since the beginning of this end.

Posted
I've been away from LS for a little while as I thought it was allowing me to dwell on what's been going on, but I need to ask a question that I hope will put my mind at rest.

 

After an 8 year relationship my fiance of 2 years left me. That was a little over 2 months ago and like a prick I haven't been able to let it go - she is the love of my life and it's just too hard to believe we have to be strangers.

 

I went to the doctors last week and he diagnosed me with depression.

 

After spending ages researching the condition I realise I have been suffering for probably 15 years! (ouch) It's not the sort of chronic can't function **** but dark thoughts of no self worth and pushing people away has been there as long as I can remember.

 

I blamed myself for the break up as my behaviour spiralled and I was unable to allow anyone to be close to me. There were other reasons but I realise now that I had no control over my behaviour and that if I had got this diagnosis sooner things would be waaaay different.

 

I emailed my ex last night (drunk email) telling her never to contact me again, that I need closure form her if I'm ever to move forward - she's made it abundantly clear that she doesn't love me 'like that' anymore but she still has feeling for me - as you would after spending 8 years with someone! and I understand why and appreciate that she had the strength to leave before we got married or she cheated etc.

 

So - my question is, should I get in touch and tell her about the diagnosis, that I have depression and am taking meds which will in time cure it? I don't want her to come back out of sympathy but every relationship needs compassion right? What do you think?? Let her know what's been going on all this time or leave her to get on with her new life.

 

 

Hey, glad to see you check back.

 

First of all, I've been right where you are. 8 year relationship ended after we were engaged. My ex, however, cheated on me. Let me tell you, it's going to take some TIME and WORK to get to where you're not a "prick", as you put it. You won't be able to let it go until you're better, so don't think yourself any less for feeling any of the pain. You are not a prick because of that.

 

2 months after my breakup, I went to the doctor and, like you, he diagnosed me with depression, and I, too, realized I'd been dealing with it for nearly 11 years. He put me on meds, which took a long time to actually find the correct ones, and I'm better now.

 

However, I didn't tell my ex. I was and am still mad and hurt by her, but we are still in contact because we share our kids. Anyway, I didn't tell her, because it's not her concern anymore. The relationship is over, and I couldn't keep considering her in every little aspect of my life... it was driving me crazy.

 

My advice is like the others... batten down the hatches, take a deep breath, steel your reserve and get ready for the road ahead... the road back to who you used to be, before depression, and before your ex. It's unsettling when you are looking forward to the journey, but I'm able to say that while on the path.

 

I was right there, man, where you are now. I was in exactly the same spot, and I didn't think I'd come out alive. There's a reason that most suicides are due to relationships... it's because it can drive you insane. You're doing well, still chcecking here, seeing the doctor and trying to be better.

 

Just be careful, and pace yourself. Know that you have the strength and the willpower to bring yourself through this, and you really don't need her help at all... in fact, you never did.

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