sweetpeach35 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 divorce has been on my mind for a long time ever since my husband lost his JOB . he sits around the house ,playing xbox all day . its like his wife . he has his hands all over that . more than me . i work very hard . and pay all the bills . im getting so sick of it . the affection is gone . hes allways want . something never want to cuddle . i feel used mistreated . but i love him. i dont want to hurt people but i cant do it any more . there are no children holding me back . only him . i fell in love with him 7 yrs ago . i feel like im falling apart . like snapping at times and just running . any advice .
Dad_of_3 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Ive got to ask ... Have you tried speaking to him about things? Have you told him your views? If he cant turn his attention away from the xbox for 30 mins to listen to your concerns, he needs help and a good kick up the rear end. Sure losimg his job was a real big blow to his self esteem. Has he tried to look for other work or is he just wallowing? Men can sure be like children, i would know :-P They need some form of pick me up when they fall. Is it your responsibilty to do that? Only you can decide that. You know what they say, behind every great man is an even greater woman. He possibly needs to get some counselling to get him back up on his feet. Right now by you paying for everything, letting him stay at home playing games just feeds into his behaviour. Im not talking ultimatiums but he needs to see actions have consequences. You havent stated whether there are children involved or if you own your own home. What bearing do these things have? Divorce can be a very ugly and messy thing to go through. If these thinga can be avoided it certainly be better for any children involved
robf1971 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 divorce has been on my mind for a long time ever since my husband lost his JOB . he sits around the house ,playing xbox all day . its like his wife . he has his hands all over that . more than me . i work very hard . and pay all the bills . im getting so sick of it . the affection is gone . hes allways want . something never want to cuddle . i feel used mistreated . but i love him. i dont want to hurt people but i cant do it any more . there are no children holding me back . only him . i fell in love with him 7 yrs ago . i feel like im falling apart . like snapping at times and just running . any advice . Hi, The number one reason for women losing respect for their spouse is him not working. I guaruntee you this, my wife has been telling me in counselling how my depression and business going down the plug turned her off. I bet your hubby is totally depressed, and has lost ALL self respect. I've pulled my socks up and have whipped the depression, my business is now kickin ass again, in fact I'm enjoying every second of work I put into it. It's no coincedence that our marriage appears to be on the mend.. I am also genuinlly happy again. The only thing that woke me up to this though was my wife giving up on our marriage. At first it smashed me even lower, i couldn't stop crying , that made it worse, but I guess you gotta hit rock bottom first.
willowthewisp Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Hi, The number one reason for women losing respect for their spouse is him not working. I guaruntee you this, my wife has been telling me in counselling how my depression and business going down the plug turned her off. I bet your hubby is totally depressed, and has lost ALL self respect. I've pulled my socks up and have whipped the depression, my business is now kickin ass again, in fact I'm enjoying every second of work I put into it. It's no coincedence that our marriage appears to be on the mend.. I am also genuinlly happy again. The only thing that woke me up to this though was my wife giving up on our marriage. At first it smashed me even lower, i couldn't stop crying , that made it worse, but I guess you gotta hit rock bottom first. How very supportive of her Rob, you have a real gem there! Be sure to remember it when she needs support in the future! Sweetpeach, have you tried to talk to your husband? If you have, many times and he is paying no attention and you feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall, then he isn't feeling any consequences for his actions. In other words he hears nagging. Totally unfair I know. At this point I would try letting him feel the consequences of his decision not to listen to you, you do this by withdrawing, you pull back. Instaed of trying to talk to him, yet again, you show him with your actions what happens when he disrespects you by not listening. So, how do you do that? Well you make yourself physically and emotionally unavailable to him. Don't speak to him unless it's about mundane matters, don't show any "attitude" but just busy your own life up, instead of staying in with him, go out, see friends, be busy yourself by reading a book etc. Once he notices the shift in your behaviour he will start to wonder what has changed. You basically need to show him with your actions that you are OK with or WITHOUT him, so he can either buck up and start working with you or he can lose you (not literally, not divorce, just pull back enough to capture his attention), once you have his full attention (and it shouldn't take too long hopefully) then you can tell him what is wrong. When you do this, be VERY direct, succient and to the point. Don't go into how he has made you feel etc, just you understand he has had a hard time of it, but you don't appreciate him playing x box, taking you for granted and not not working/doing housework if unable to work etc. Men communicate differently to women, for us it's about feelings, emotion, for them you need to speak to him direct, like a guy would talk to him. There's a good book I'd recommend, it's called "why men love b1tches" by Sherry Argov, the word b1tches is misleading, it's not what you would usually think.
robf1971 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 How very supportive of her Rob, you have a real gem there! Be sure to remember it when she needs support in the future! Y'know what, I think your hubby was a complete d*ck letting you go Willow.
willowthewisp Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Y'know what, I think your hubby was a complete d*ck letting you go Willow. Thanks for that Rob
Author sweetpeach35 Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 How very supportive of her Rob, you have a real gem there! Be sure to remember it when she needs support in the future! Sweetpeach, have you tried to talk to your husband? If you have, many times and he is paying no attention and you feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall, then he isn't feeling any consequences for his actions. In other words he hears nagging. Totally unfair I know. At this point I would try letting him feel the consequences of his decision not to listen to you, you do this by withdrawing, you pull back. Instaed of trying to talk to him, yet again, you show him with your actions what happens when he disrespects you by not listening. So, how do you do that? Well you make yourself physically and emotionally unavailable to him. Don't speak to him unless it's about mundane matters, don't show any "attitude" but just busy your own life up, instead of staying in with him, go out, see friends, be busy yourself by reading a book etc. Once he notices the shift in your behaviour he will start to wonder what has changed. You basically need to show him with your actions that you are OK with or WITHOUT him, so he can either buck up and start working with you or he can lose you (not literally, not divorce, just pull back enough to capture his attention), once you have his full attention (and it shouldn't take too long hopefully) then you can tell him what is wrong. When you do this, be VERY direct, succient and to the point. Don't go into how he has made you feel etc, just you understand he has had a hard time of it, but you don't appreciate him playing x box, taking you for granted and not not working/doing housework if unable to work etc. Men communicate differently to women, for us it's about feelings, emotion, for them you need to speak to him direct, like a guy would talk to him. There's a good book I'd recommend, it's called "why men love b1tches" by Sherry Argov, the word b1tches is misleading, it's not what you would usually think. thank you for the input . i did speak with him last night . was up till 3am . telling him what i felt and told him things need to change around here or else . i gave him a heads up, to what can happen down the road .i justg let him know there is nothing holding me back . i have no children just him
Author sweetpeach35 Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 thank you for the input . i did speak with him last night . was up till 3am . telling him what i felt and told him things need to change around here or else . i gave him a heads up, to what can happen down the road .i justg let him know there is nothing holding me back . i have no children just him there have been times i have though , wow i feel like , im payng forf sex. all the bills ,and get treated like **** only time he's nice is when he wants something .
Recommended Posts