FaithInTheDark Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I have been seeing a great guy just about over 2 months now. He works hundreds of miles fm where I live. he works up to 3 weeks at a time & we spend about 5 days together if that. he makes great $ so i understand. I get sad when he leaves and even more sad after we talk on the phone. I have been going thru some lows & lately it just feels like im still alone. we text but the last few days he hasnt been keepin in as much contact or sayin the romantic comments as much and it sucks especially when im feelin like crap these days. im always sayin hello.i trust him but when he doesnt message me as much i start to wonder & feel like hes not thinking about me like i do with him. I care so much about him but im feelin like this isnt a soilid relationship on account i never see him. I just feel like im waiting 2 see him again but i want to be independent have live my own life& i do.I rather have him in my life then not at all..but i dunno anymore. i cant expect him 2 quit his job. ive been brushing off his text today cus i feel pissed off deep down cus he didnt seem to want to talk to me last night when i needed him the most. he used to tell me hes crazy about me and im all he can think about..now were offically together i dont hear the same comments anymore. I dont really have a soilid question to ask..I dont really have any friends to vent to either about this. I feel better just writing how i feel...if anyone has any advice, insight or feedback im all ears. thank guys. :-(
folieadeux Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Welcome Faith, I think that perhaps you not having friends to support you right now is compounding an already frustrating situation for you. I was the same way at the beginning of my LDR and had to realize that I needed to be strong regardless in order for it not to negatively impact my relationship. Use this thread to vent away instead. In the meantime, I would sit down and have a chat with your boyfriend as soon as you can. Having a clam talk about things once and for all will enable you both to establish where you're at in regards to your relationship and put your mind at ease so you don't have to keep all of this frustration bottled up. You not answering his attempts to contact you is probably only making things worse. He's not a mind reader and if you feel as if your needs aren't being met right now, then it's up to you to set the record straight with him and go from there.
Author FaithInTheDark Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 I appreciate the intelligent feedback, you are totally correct. I am now realizing I do have to be strong in order to keep my LDR alive. I have given it a great deal of thought in regards to my boyfriend not being a mind reader, as I am not either. I talked to him on the phone and he informed me that he is working 12 hour days and under his current curcumstances he is most likey exhausted, hence making me wonder why his communitcation does not have the same rate of enthuasium. ( how selfish am i) He is taking the summer off so we can be together and i am lookin forward to that the future lay ahead. I want to thank you for taking the time to address my frustrations. have a wonderful day!!!!!
folieadeux Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I appreciate the intelligent feedback, you are totally correct. I am now realizing I do have to be strong in order to keep my LDR alive. I have given it a great deal of thought in regards to my boyfriend not being a mind reader, as I am not either. I talked to him on the phone and he informed me that he is working 12 hour days and under his current curcumstances he is most likey exhausted, hence making me wonder why his communitcation does not have the same rate of enthuasium. ( how selfish am i) He is taking the summer off so we can be together and i am lookin forward to that the future lay ahead. I want to thank you for taking the time to address my frustrations. have a wonderful day!!!!! Anytime, hope you're having a better day and I'm happy to hear you've worked things out a bit. It really is way too easy to assume in an LDR, so communication is key.
Author FaithInTheDark Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 communication is key. I am so frustrated due to the fact hes still being selfish. my feelings are being hurt right now when he pulls this crap. example: I felt better after we talked on the phone. we were chatting a bit thru text. I have recently been stressin about my work and finally my boss gave me a raise! I text my boyfriend about this and he didnt respond back at all! also I have been thinking about going back to school and wanted to let him know. Then this morning he texts me how hes hung over which means he was out last night drinking. I just hurts my feelings the fact he didnt even address me getting a raise which is important information about my life at this moment. if we are going to be in a LDR then we need to communicate constanty. I text him sayin I was trying to get a hold of you last night but u didnt get back to me. i wanted to tell you about school and stuff but maybe i will call u later this week and let u know. I feel pissed off. Why does he have to cut me off when he goes drinking like that. if he doesnt let me know what hes doing while hes out it freaks me out. i cant handle this. I want to tell him that i feel my needs are not being met and how it hurts my feelings when he doesnt get back to me especially on important matters like me getting a raise. I dont know how to put my feelings into words to him without sounding dependent on him and needy. but i feel disapointed with him deep down in my core. I think i am going to turn my phone off for a couple days and let my head clear, and let him sweat a bit. I know ignoring his attempts to contact is are not the answer. but i need some time to think. dont you think i am being reasonable with my feelings here? I dont want this to continue, he is just being selfish, i want to set the record straight but i dont know how without sounding like kiddish/needy/dependent on him, but he shouuld be there for me..espeically if he expects me to wait for around for him and commit to this relationship. ahh i feel better after venting. thank you
folieadeux Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 LDR's all drive us crazy and bring out the best and worst in all of us -- what you're feeling right now is totally par for the course. Any of the things you mentioned alone wouldn't make me question an entire relationship over, however the cummulative effect is damaging. I understand he has a busy schedule, but that went right out the window for me when you said he was out drinking all night. If that is in fact the case, there is zero excuse why he couldn't spare five minutes to acknowledge your good news at work. Communication is oftentimes all we have in an LDR and if you feel your needs aren't being met, it's your responsibility to let him know. If he's still unwilling to compromise with you at all, then you really have to wonder if this is worth your time. You deserve someone who's going to be there for you (long distance or not). I think if you present your side of things how you did in your post, you won't sound needy at all and will come across as a perfectly realistic person. I still wouldn't opt for the ignoring route, but if you feel it would be more productive if you both give each other time to cool off then so be it. Best of luck!
Recommended Posts