brebre Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 OK, so I met a guy and we exchanged numbers via facebook. We have been knowing each other since October, but I was in a relationship up until Jan. So after the relationship status shows single (not sure if this is coincidence or what) my friend ask me for my number and gives me his. Well, the first night we talked it was 3 hours. The next day we talked for a couple more. Well for some stupid reason, I called monday. (Im used to talking to my ex also LDR for hours every single day) Its hard to remember that you are talking to someone new, you dont talk to them everyday like you do in an estableished relationship. Well anyway, he didnt answer that Monday, but he called back like on Wednesday. After that, I dont call him anymore. ANd now the calls come only once a week. We dont talk anything deep per se, but I def enjoy talking to him. I do like him, I was always attracted to him. I was just wondering your perspective. I know its early, but to be honest, I just removed my ex from my friends list last week, I finally deleted all his pics about 2 weeks ago. It is sooooo hard to read my new boo! lol! I can see something with him, but I am scared I am getting my hopes up just to get let down. Everyone says how relationships have to develop and I do want to give it time to grow into something, but I really do want to see him, and he hasnt mentioned anything! I am trying so hard to let him be a man and let him chase me, but its getting hard! Any thoughts????
LifeCoach Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 You should always be patient. Everyone has a different opinion of what patience is. When I say be patient, I would suggest that you take time in your decision making. You seem like a person who makes decisions with haste. You also seem to enjoy talking to people. Long distance relationships can be very difficult at times. It is not very conventional to be in one. They offer a lot of problems that we as people cannot provide enough restraint to upkeep. Your first long distance relationship didn't work. You need to figure out what you want. When approaching guys like this, ones that seem like a coincidence, usually aren't. I would highly recommend that if you do like this guy and are attracted to him, you explore a little. This way there is no harm, no foul. You need to figure out his intentions. By the looks of it, he'll make an early move depending on the date. He may offer to hang out within closer quarters. You were recently heart broken, and looking for something to take that off your mind. You really need to realize a few things. First, I would highly recommend that you learn to accept things. I say this because everyone does this, we build things up to try and benefit ourselves. However, we need to accept that something things may not work out. Relationships don't always work out. Now-a-days society is more sexual oriented and the loss of affection is becoming scarce. Those that look for love often get hurt because of this. So I would recommend that you take this slow. Explore. Allow for him to take you out, a date. Everyone wants something. Like you want a relationship, commitment. As for you wanting him to chase you, then let him chase you. Clearly you're not approaching that properly for his liking. Keep plugging away, eventually you'll hit him. Hint to him how you want to be taken out and have a normal date for once. See what he says then.
Author brebre Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 I was heartbroken, however, I had to accept (kicking and scraming) that the guy I was with was what you would call a "future faker". He had his own commitment issues. I finally was able to accept that his issues had nothing to do with me, and somehow realizing that my ex had developed a consistent track record with inconsistency with the ladies, as soon as things get hot and heavy, he does something HUGE to put space and distace inthe relationship all because he just cannot commit. You have made some pretty dead on observations about me though. Yes I tend to rush things, yes l loooooove to talk! LOL! I am trying soooo hard to slow down and relax and just enjoy getting to know someone. But I must say, it was coincidence that I have met 2 guys that are LRD. My ex., I met him at a college friends wedding. I had absolutly no intentions of even calling him. I ended up calling like 3 weeks after I met all becasue I was bored haha. THen, 2 yrs later, 3 roadtrips, family get togethers, we ended up breaking up. Now this guy on FB, we had a friend in common that we are very close with. I went to HS with the guy, and he went to college with him. FB suggest us as friends and I sent him a request. My biological clock is ticking, I do want to be fair with the new guy, I really dont think of him as a space filler. Actually I am looking forward to potentially developing something beautiful. My ex did propose and then we temporarily broke the wedding off, just to not set the date again. So I have been ready for awhile, and now I'm not gonna let my ex deter me from seeing anyone else....however, I do think its good for me to have a little breathing room between relationships. I did feel a little insecuse knowing that I still had pics up of my ex and he was stilla friend on FB. I felt maybe that is why things hadn't moved much. THen I thought, well, maybe he wants to make sure everything is over between me and the ex. Then I was like, well, maybe he is the type that thourougly looks before he leaps. Could you please explain this in a little more detail? I'm not really grasping what you are saying.... When approaching guys like this, ones that seem like a coincidence, usually aren't. I would highly recommend that if you do like this guy and are attracted to him, you explore a little. This way there is no harm, no foul. You need to figure out his intentions. By the looks of it, he'll make an early move depending on the date. He may offer to hang out within closer quarters
folieadeux Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 All of this Facebook stuff is beyond me, but I think that you need to just give this one some time. You just got out of a relationship and need to figure out what you want (regardless of your new interest being long distance). Take some time out for yourself and just let things happen. The best things in life always do when you aren't trying so hard.
LifeCoach Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 My observations are only concurrent with how you present yourself through speech. We all do it, we all give away clues and information, I just see it more clearly then others. That's besides the point. What is important here is you. You seem to be fixated on thinking that you need something, that you don't. This would be attributed to social and cultural convention. Your biological clock is not ticking. I feel you're late 20's. Maybe 27 or 28. What people so often miss is the values of human nature and life. By this I am saying it is in our human nature to find love. We often misinterpret many situations that we come by. I feel that you're not over your ex and the thoughts imprinted in your head. You want what we all want, love, a family, a house, and the safety. You have matured and figured that yes you want a commitment and a meaningful relationship that has endeavors to an end faze goal; marriage. This is fine; however your not accepting a few things. I would start by saying you're not accepting the break up. You need to confront yourself. Think positively. Take the positives. You and your ex were not meant to be, this needs to be addressed and faced. It is over, but that doesn't mean you're further away from what you want. Taking time between relationships is all based upon personality and preference. You seem the relationship type. You like to feel wanted. You like having someone there for you, you feel comfortable and safe. Completely normal things. I just urge you to take your time. Make decisions based upon your happiness. You need to realize life is not against you. You make it what it is. Trying to fast track a relationship or love just isn't possible if you want it to work. As to what I said, that you did not grasp; take it slow with this guy. Call him, message him or do whatever. Get is attention. There is nothing wrong with you asking him on a date. If you ask him, you're giving yourself control. You chose the venue. I'd recommend dinner, then drinks. It's not close quarters. It's a more formal way to engage conversation, this is useful for you to gain the information you seek; what does he want? Usually someone in his situation sees a vulnerable target. FB to me is a downfall of society and misused in numerous ways. He see's you're single, attempting something as soon as he did, to me, implies that he sees an easy target. I'm not saying he's the biggest pig on the planet, looking to get into your pants. But I would say his intentions are not pure. So, I would recommend that you message him, confront him about a get together (date). You two go out, have a nice time. Get to know him. Find out what he wants. There are many tells he will give off indicating what he wants. If he is very forward and attempts a move of some sort, his intentions aren't right for you. If he is a gentleman, actions remain quiet, and he suggests more dates, maybe he's interested. You, nor I, know what this guy wants. You have to take a gander. Just don't hop into anything serious. Take your time, you have plenty of it. Don't deny yourself a fun happy life by thinking you don't have enough time.
HeavenOrHell Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I agree that it sounds like you need some breathing space, and time on your own after your break up, before being with someone new, you've only just split up with your partner. Do you still have feelings for your ex, or purely friendship? It sounds like the new guy is sensing pressure from you, he may feel he's a rebound for you and he may be right. Rushing into another r/ship because your biological clock is ticking will make most men run a mile, they will think you want them out of desperation, they won't feel wanted for themselves. When me and my partner first started talking, before we were a couple, and when we became a couple, we talked for hours on the phone as we got to know each other, our calls aren't as long now, but we talk most nights on the phone, and online for a couple of hours. You do need to give r/ships (and friendships) time and space to evolve and grow, some will blossom and others won't. Try and take a step a back if you can, concentrate more on getting your life back on track after your break up, see friends, keep busy, do things you enjoy. OK, so I met a guy and we exchanged numbers via facebook. We have been knowing each other since October, but I was in a relationship up until Jan. So after the relationship status shows single (not sure if this is coincidence or what) my friend ask me for my number and gives me his. Well, the first night we talked it was 3 hours. The next day we talked for a couple more. Well for some stupid reason, I called monday. (Im used to talking to my ex also LDR for hours every single day) Its hard to remember that you are talking to someone new, you dont talk to them everyday like you do in an estableished relationship. Well anyway, he didnt answer that Monday, but he called back like on Wednesday. After that, I dont call him anymore. ANd now the calls come only once a week. We dont talk anything deep per se, but I def enjoy talking to him. I do like him, I was always attracted to him. I was just wondering your perspective. I know its early, but to be honest, I just removed my ex from my friends list last week, I finally deleted all his pics about 2 weeks ago. It is sooooo hard to read my new boo! lol! I can see something with him, but I am scared I am getting my hopes up just to get let down. Everyone says how relationships have to develop and I do want to give it time to grow into something, but I really do want to see him, and he hasnt mentioned anything! I am trying so hard to let him be a man and let him chase me, but its getting hard! Any thoughts????
Author brebre Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Thanks for these responses! Seems like you guys have known me for YEARS hehe!!!! Well, IMO, I did accept the breakup, becuase not only did I realize my ex's problems, I did some things wrong too (gasping)! I did try to attempt fast track to love. He simply played along as well. I think with the new guy, I did scare him, but hopefully he sees that I have calmed down and I havent totally scared him away lol. As I said before, I let him do all the calling and he has been for the past couple months with the exception of that first week. THe best part about my breakup is that not only did I identify my issues, I ended up getting a new job as soon as I got back to Tx. THat was exciting. I started having a couple lunch dates with some girlfriends I havent connected with in awhile. Where as I am still not a socialble partygoer as I used to be, I would rather spend my evenings watching Lifetime movies, suring the net and reading. I'm so glad to hear your perspectives and really reinforce what I deep down already knew, DONT RUSH! Sometimes, you just need to hear it again. So hopefully I will def have it all together and realize, there is a good chance this guy is only meant to be a friend and maybe he is meant to be more.
folieadeux Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Thanks for these responses! Seems like you guys have known me for YEARS hehe!!!! Well, IMO, I did accept the breakup, becuase not only did I realize my ex's problems, I did some things wrong too (gasping)! I did try to attempt fast track to love. He simply played along as well. I think with the new guy, I did scare him, but hopefully he sees that I have calmed down and I havent totally scared him away lol. As I said before, I let him do all the calling and he has been for the past couple months with the exception of that first week. THe best part about my breakup is that not only did I identify my issues, I ended up getting a new job as soon as I got back to Tx. THat was exciting. I started having a couple lunch dates with some girlfriends I havent connected with in awhile. Where as I am still not a socialble partygoer as I used to be, I would rather spend my evenings watching Lifetime movies, suring the net and reading. I'm so glad to hear your perspectives and really reinforce what I deep down already knew, DONT RUSH! Sometimes, you just need to hear it again. So hopefully I will def have it all together and realize, there is a good chance this guy is only meant to be a friend and maybe he is meant to be more. Even if things don't work out romantically for the pair of you, don't consider it a failure. You got out there and made a new friend. Win-win situation.
Recommended Posts