lawwal Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 My ex and I were doing FWB about a month after BU for about 4 weeks. The FWB got to the point where I was happy since I was seeing her everyday so I didn't get emotional until 4 weeks later when she was testing me and I reacted poorly. She stopped txting me for about a week and, maybe I overthought it, but I ended up sending a FB message saying please don't contact me until you want to give us another chance. I ended up getting defriended and it's been 3 days NC since that. BUT, I went back and re-read the fb message I sent, and instead of saying something like "please don't contact me unless you want to get back together", all I wrote was "please don't contact me". Plus, I added so much extra stuff trying to convince her to come back. At this point, I feel like it's totally over. I'm still somehow in NC, but everything is telling me to txt her and explain. I've even thought that since it's probably over, that maybe being friends and getting txts from her will at least help me not think about her every second and help me move on. I don't know...I'm so confused as what to do now since either leaving it as is or apologizing seem to both do more harm than good. I'm mad at myself for overthinking that I'd need to send her a NC message. Need some advice please..
Author lawwal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 What's the best course of action here? I wish I could get back to the FWB since I was happy and seemed like the best chance for 2nd try. Is this as dead in the water as it seems?
shawn923 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 i mean try it, send her a text message. just see if she responds to a hey or whats up. then take it from there. if she doesnt respond, send another explaining urself about what happen... another day passes, call her, then take it from there... if she still doesnt pick up, then just forget it. go NC. then she'll notice you've gave up, and it'll strike a nerve. idk how long it takes but she'll respond if u keep it up
ReturnToSender Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 You can definitely try and get back to FWB status if you are totally happy with that and no expectations of it being any more than that. Being a FWB is not a gateway to a chance at a serious relationship. If you want a serious relationship, then skip setting your goal to being a FWB altogether, and not settle for less. Of course, not settling for less may mean not having a realtionship at all...FWB or romantic. Pick the relationship you feel is worth it..shoot for a serious relationship with the risk you wont have nothing with her. Or shoot for a FWB with the understanding you cant expect anything more from her.
Author lawwal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Honestly, I don't think I'll get back to FWB..or it might take awhile to get back there. I may break NC to send that txt and then go back to NC like shawn said. It seems like a pretty good idea -- I just don't want it to seem like I said one thing and then come crawling back a few days later. I'll sleep on it. Any other opinions on txt and break NC or just leave it as it is and keep NC?
ReturnToSender Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 leave it as is an keep NC. Youll always think of something you want to say to clarify yourself, your feelings, your intentions, etc etc etc. Best thing you can do is show her your serious and keep your word..otherwise yeah, along with your text your sending the unwritten message that you are still around thinking of her and pining away for her. As bad luck would have it, at the precise moment she might be wondering..dang, havnt heard from him...I wonder if hes... *beep beep* theres your text...oh okay, yeah of course Im still on his brain...same ol same ol
Author lawwal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Yea that's what I was afraid of. On the other hand, there's a chance she may never contact me again because of what i didn't mean to say. Decisions decisions.... Hopefully I'll have a clearer head tomorrow.
ReturnToSender Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I should have slept on it too...while encouraging you to be strong, I turned around and was very weak. Im not a hypocrite, just human...and get too emotional at times... But yeah, at the end of the day I think the thing is, we will do what we feel is best, even if it goes against the grain of everything we and those who advise us is right. Anyway, I hope that you fare better than I do...
Author lawwal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Lol, it's not any easier today either. Just can't get over why she would contact me again after I told her not to and then getting the unfriending. I really think I'm just going to do it. Then start NC after everything is cleared up. Don't feel bad..I feel like I'm on the verge of doing it every day and barely make it. I caved when I sent that NC message.
ReturnToSender Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Yeah, I was such a mess last night. But feeling better now, surprisingly better. I broke NC, we had a convo, and now the last bit of hope that there would ever be reconciliation is gone. Last nite that killed me...now Im relieved. No more wondering what if, or getting emotionally twisted. With nothing there to hold onto, the relationship, the friendship, and all the pain that came with trying to make it work is over. Whenever Im ready to, I can now put my energy into something productive, that might actually be worth it.
Author lawwal Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Sorry to hear that...guess in the end it was a good thing. I broke too...she said it was because i said to not contact her, so that's where the unfriending came from and that she think it's the best way anyway. that way we aren't in each other's faces all the time on fb. also, she thought that i obviously put a lot of thought and it hurt to send that message and she doesn't want to deal or what that happen again...but then invited me up for lunch but i told her i was busy. Anyway i feel better obviously because I broke, but hopefully I'll stop worrying about the effect of that message. Now I can just go NC or LC..
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