sweetblubrry Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 He broke up with me at the end of January bc he doesn't know what he wants in life, has self esteem issues, trust issues, feels like a failure, doesn't want to drag me down, etc. he told me he started seeing a therapist at the end of our relationship. We work together so I do see him but not in the last 2 weeks. We had a talk for 2 hours 2 weeks ago and he opened up to me about all this. The next day we worked together and he was being all flirty and trying to talk with me. And now nothing for two weeks. This is so hard. I miss him in my life. Nothing happened in our relationship caused this, it is all him. I miss him so much and this is so hard. :(He talks to me.... But he's not talking to me.... Does that make sense? Like if I went to work tomorrow and ran into him he would talk. But we havEnt outside of work since the breakup. It sucks, I just want everything to go back to the way it was. So happy and in love.
Author sweetblubrry Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 (edited) ???????????????????????? Anyone have any advice for dealing with this situation? If it wasn't our relationship that was the problem, will he ever come around? Edited March 14, 2011 by sweetblubrry
sarebellum Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Going through the same situation right now, only he hasn't really admitted his issues and isn't seeing a therapist. Those two things right there are very good signs for you, but regardless, there's nothing you can do right now to change things. It's all on him doing the work necessary to grow, and as much as it hurts, there is no other way. Do what you need to do for yourself to get yourself to a place where you're ok on your own, and set some boundaries for what you will put up with and what you won't (in regards to communication that keeps you attached, if it is that, and/or how long you will "wait around"). I put that in quotes because I strongly believe you shouldn't just wait for him to get his life together, but at the same time the heart wants what the heart wants. Hang in there and take good care of yourself. Send him best wishes from afar, but give him the time/space he needs to deal with stuff.
lolo1234 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Whats his history like? Some people are just like this, they like falling in love and once the honeymoon phase ends they aren't happy with how they feel. And its because they weren't happy to begin with, the love feeling just made them feel good and ok for a while. Once that wears off they are back to how they felt.
Author sweetblubrry Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 (edited) I believe he has suffered these issues his whole life. Not sure whether it was caused by his family or maybe how he was treated in school growing up. He is a nerd (totally admits it). He doesn't see what I or anyone else sees. He also lies about things because he is so ashamed of himself. Things that don't directly hurt me like for example he lied about graduating from college bc he was that ashamed that he didn't. And I had no idea until he broke down about it 2 weeks ago..... After 8 months. There is nothing I can do and it kills me inside. I also can't be there too much bc I don't want up get hurt. I am not waiting but I really do want him back in my life. Sometimes I think it would have been easier if he was a total jerk then I would have reason to forget him. But he is a good person. Just has a lot of issues. This has happened in past relationships these issues arising which is why I think he couldn't handle it so he had to get out. The relationship forces him to deal with these issues that are so deeply buried away. Usually the girl left him after a month or two but he said I was the first one he ever broke up with. Edited March 14, 2011 by sweetblubrry
name witheld Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 There is a saying that might help both of you. "Whats for you, won't go by you." For you I echo what a previous poster has said, which is to give him space. It may be some internal issues, which then he might come to you with and you should support him. But the internal issues may just be clouding the situation. It seems strange to me that he does not go out of his way to talk to you, but that may not mean anything. Just be wary and look after yourself.
Author sweetblubrry Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Thanks for the responses. Even when we were together, communication was an issue. I mean we could communicate and talk about everything... but he would go days without calling me sometimes (tho I didn't worry cause he's a nerd and is at home on his comp, not out partying). He tried to fix it but he is just not a phone person. So this is common with him and since we are now broken up... I guess normal for him. Plus I think we both need space at least for now anyways. I will continue to look after myself and yet give him space. If he wants to talk, he will come to me. Can you explain that quote further? I've never heard that one before.
depplover_1980 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Sweet, I do feel for you but at the same time you're one of those posters who never seems to get anywhere and repeats the same thing all the time. I notice you now fail to mention his sexual issues in the hope they will go away no doubt. Have you starting applying for other jobs yet? You need to in order to progress with your own life.
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