ladeedee Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 So I've been on here before.. had issues with the boyfriend. I'd been not feeling my relationship anymore ever since I was on here last. We started to fight.. and then the past 4 weeks or so about once a week. I'd been thinking about breaking up. He initiated it last Monday-- it was a bit of a shocker that he just came over and then decided then and there. I was hurt, I was very upset. But deep down I knew. We both cried and we decided it was over. It wasn't exactly a good breakup... But the days after, I've been really happy without him. I just started not talking to him on Wednesday. I just know that it's good to do no-contact, but I feel weird doing it though completely comfortable with it. I just did it on my own. I can't help but wonder how he is doing. I think he might be doing worse than I am. He said he'd been thinking about breaking up only the past couple weeks... whereas I had for more than a month. (Bad, I know). I dunno.. I guess I want advice on what to do after a mutual breakup. I do want to remain friends.. I just don't know when it's too early for him.. and for me. I do think he may be doing worse... :/ We made a right decision.. I just feel him more as a friend now more than ever. I don't want to lose his friendship. We dated nearly a year and before that six months. Any advice? Keep on no contact? I was going to do 4 weeks NC. And those of you who had a mutual breakup... what advice can you give me? Does one party deal with it worse?
Ajax Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I'm not sure it actually sounds as mutual as you think. If you were thinking of breaking up a month or so beforehand, there's a good chance he picked up on that and got scared. He might have done a preemptive breakup, breaking up with you before you could break up with him. It would leave him with a little bit more dignity. So now you're happy without him, and that's a good thing, but you need to let him go. Don't force a friendship on him. I guarantee you that as soon as you start dating someone else, it'll cut him like a knife. Neither of you can give each other what the other needs. You need a friendhip, he needs a romantic relationship. Hard as it is, the best thing you can do for each other is leave each other alone.
Author ladeedee Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 It's funny that you said that he did a preemptive breakup.. and I hadn't thought of it that way. The night before he said (with no coaxing whatsoever), "You make me feel like a bad boyfriend." He probably did know that I was thinking about it.. I had told him a few weeks before that if we continued to have big fights like we were having, I would end it. I was getting tired of the same old crap. He wouldn't listen to me when I was upset and he'd tell me I was wrong and would tell me how I should feel. It had been that way for a little while. I was getting sick of it. He also admitted to starting fights with me. And I'm glad he admitted that because I felt like I was going crazy whenever we argued. He never believed me when I apologized and I did it only to end an argument. *sigh* I am going to miss his friendship though... I don't even miss the relationship aspect of what we had, just the having him to talk to. I don't know why I care so much right now, but I wonder how he is handling this. I feel like he is going through worse and I just want to know if he's okay. I know I'm okay, but I do care about him and his well-being. I worry that I hurt him badly that night and I only want good things for him. I guess keep on NC and just don't worry about it, huh....
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