Call Me Al Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Im on day 28 of NC with my current ex, which almost seems to be getting worse but we will give it time. I had heard recently thru the grapevine that my former ex whom I dated for 2 years was recently dumped. When our relationship ended in 2008, it was about as awful as a breakup can be. We lived together still, got in arguments, both of us rebounded right away, etc. Long story short, I'm over her as a person. Even if she texted me and said "lets have sex right now" I would decline. Contacting her in and of itself doesn't seem like a huge issue to me. I feel like after it ended though, I carried around a lot of resentment towards how it went down which hindered my recovery. What Im considering is sending her a message just basically apologizing that things got so messed up between us at the end. We are both stubborn people, so we never really let that go. When I heard she got dumped, I felt bad for her because I can empathize. I dont have any desire to be her friend or anything, but I mostly just want to say "dont think that just because it ended so horribly that it somehow cancels out the good memories I have of you". I feel like overall, it would make me feel better. I really dont like to hold grudges or feel like there is bad blood. There is no way I could ever have a friendship with her, but it would more or less to wish her well and hope she finds a way. Thoughts?
angelboots Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 (edited) I dont see why doing that would cause a problem. I have done similar with ex's in the past and had other ex's contact me and apologise for their bad behaviour and I appreciated it. Sometimes it does allow a friendship to grow where there wasn't one any more and other times it just clears the air and at the worst it might be a minor annoyance to the receiver... Your ex may or may not appreciate the effort or contact but at this stage after four years its hardly going to do any harm. the only danger I do see would be if you were contacting her as part of a reaction to your current NC situation with your current ex. If you have ulterior motives such as using this message as a way to fill a gap that is there by missing your current ex or with any other form of ulterior motive other then to clear the air and let go of past resentments.. not saying you are but that's just my thoughts. Edited March 13, 2011 by angelboots
Author Call Me Al Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 I think that some of my issues in this most recent relationship may stem from being hurt pretty badly in the previous one. If anything, it'd be a way to just let it pass and be done with it. For me, it could almost be cleansing. Washing myself of some harbored issues I had towards how things went down and being able to say them in a very diplomatic manner.
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