crossfitter Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 (edited) Been lurking for awhile and decided to poll for some opinions here. Sorry for the wall o' text! Tried breaking it up into paragraphs. Cliff-ish question at the bottom. A little back-story: I was matched with this girl on eHarmony back in November, went through the guided stuff and emailed back and forth on their site through the beginning of February. Have tons in common, personality's awesome, she's interested in my day, etc. Started emailing (own emails) and texting at that point. Had a lot of long conversations about whatever, just being flirty and yada yada. We didn't meet up during this whole time due to distance/schedules (about 3 hours apart), but made plans to do so two weeks ago (she had a school break, so went home ~1.5 hours from me), and talked about how excited, etc., we were. Met up last weekend, had lunch and walked around some random stores just goofing off. Had a great time, lots o' laughs, made preliminary plans to see her later in the week before she had to go back, kissed her goodbye (not just a peck, but we didn't get hot and heavy in the parking garage). Feelin' good. Now-ish: Didn't talk with her too much during the beginning of the week due to my schedule, but I did wish her a happy birthday. A day later, asked her if she still wanted to get together for dinner for the evening we'd talked about. No response. Sent her another before going to bed to reconfirm, and no response. (Looking back, this could be seen as pushy, I suppose, but I had other things I'd set aside to meet her, and needed to know what the deuce so I could get the other stuff done if need be.) She texted me that morning to let me know she was sorry for being elusive and that she couldn't make dinner due to her being busy. No problem, I understand being busy. She said she was still interested in getting together again, and we just kinda left it there ("play it by ear"). But now it seems like she's avoiding talking to me. Texts are just kinda short, how are you, almost just to be courteous. She mentioned again, today, how busy things are, so I just told her to give me a call when she got a break in her schedule, as it'd be nice to hear her voice (too cheesy?) End question: Where's the flippin' intersection point on the line graph of actually busy, yet still interested, VS lost interest, so communication will be minimal? Cliffs: -talked to a girl from eH for about 3.5 months before meeting due to distance -met, had a great date (seemed that way to me; if she actually didn't have a good time, she's either a great actor, or I'm retarded at reading people) -she canceled on meeting again because of being busy, said she still wanted to meet, and now isn't as...chatty as she was before meeting -am I nuts or is she over it? Edited March 13, 2011 by crossfitter
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 First of all, no, I don't think you're nuts. Second, I don't get the impression that you were being pushy, based on what you described. You're interested, that's for sure. She's very likely aware of that. At this point, you really can't do much except wait on her. You did mention it was her birthday. To some, that's a huge deal, to others, maybe not so much. Did she celebrate? Is she the type that makes a big deal out of the occasion? Did you do anything else besides wish her a happy birthday (i'm not saying you should have, I'm just curious, is all)? Again, I think you're fine at this point - and what I mean by that is, whether she has lost interest in you or not, you haven't done anything that looks blatantly wrong. That's the best you can ask for, really.
Author crossfitter Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 First of all, no, I don't think you're nuts. Second, I don't get the impression that you were being pushy, based on what you described. You're interested, that's for sure. She's very likely aware of that. At this point, you really can't do much except wait on her. You did mention it was her birthday. To some, that's a huge deal, to others, maybe not so much. Did she celebrate? Is she the type that makes a big deal out of the occasion? Did you do anything else besides wish her a happy birthday (i'm not saying you should have, I'm just curious, is all)? Again, I think you're fine at this point - and what I mean by that is, whether she has lost interest in you or not, you haven't done anything that looks blatantly wrong. That's the best you can ask for, really. Thanks for taking the time to respond, and for affirming that I'm not nuts. About her birthday: she actually had a birthday dinner the night of our date (day before her birthday) that was shared with her dad's birthday dinner. I'm not sure what she did, if anything, on her actual birthday. She had mentioned before that birthdays, at this point in life, don't mean particularly much (I agreed, noting that 25 is pretty cool, just because insurance rates tend to drop). I didn't do anything other than wish her a happy birthday (she just said thank you in a text response), unless you count buying her lunch the day before (I don't, fwiw). I guess my uneasiness stems from reading/hearing so much about the post-first date "poof" that I'm expecting it? I tend to over-analyze by default, so I'm likely guilty of that here.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 I understand the over analyzing thing, I've fallen into that mindset from time to time also. I'll offer this, if you're compelled to check in on her just to see if you're still in the game (and you can't seem to talk yourself out of it), I highly consider using humor in whatever communication you use to reach out. It takes the edge off, in my experience, and often times girls I was seeing responded back quickly with an explanation. When I do this my first goal is to make them laugh or smile, and indirectly deliver my point, "where've you been?" without using those words. Consider relating to something you've done together - maybe something you both saw together, or something she's told you about herself. Otherwise, there's nothing wrong with waiting, IMO. Sometimes, time is all that's required.
Author crossfitter Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 I understand the over analyzing thing, I've fallen into that mindset from time to time also. I'll offer this, if you're compelled to check in on her just to see if you're still in the game (and you can't seem to talk yourself out of it), I highly consider using humor in whatever communication you use to reach out. It takes the edge off, in my experience, and often times girls I was seeing responded back quickly with an explanation. When I do this my first goal is to make them laugh or smile, and indirectly deliver my point, "where've you been?" without using those words. Consider relating to something you've done together - maybe something you both saw together, or something she's told you about herself. Otherwise, there's nothing wrong with waiting, IMO. Sometimes, time is all that's required. Ah, yeah, I'll say that's one thing I feel I do do (heh, "do do"). I'll check in after a few days and think of a funny way to phrase it in the meanwhile. Thanks again.
Jack & Coke Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Yeah, deprioritize her and you'll get her answer. If she connects with you when she has a free moment, then there you go. If she doesn't talk to you again, that's OK too. You've made your intentions clear that you want to spend time with her. If she feels the same she'll reach back. If time goes by and she doesn't respond, chalk it up as a lesson learned and cancel her. No harm no foul.
Author crossfitter Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Update for those interested... Looks like she closed me out on eH. :\ Sucks, man. First girl I feel like I have a real connection with on the darn site (not to mention in a whole year or so in real life), and she bails just like that. On to discovering the next, I guess.
Imajerk17 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Hey I do Crossfit too, man. Good stuff! I'm not sure being "closed out" on eHarmony necessarily means she isn't interested. You have each other's number, so why would you communicate on the site anymore. Call her (don't text) and tell her you want to see her again. Tell her that you planned something fun, so "please RSVP either way". If she has any manners, she will let you know what is up.
Jack & Coke Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 That sucks my friend, but at least you know. Have you been trying to talk to any women offline? Have you been doing anything to make yourself attractive to women and putting yourself in those situations? The good thing about this blow off is that you're not stuck in "what if" mode full of drama, and now it's on to the next one
D-Lish Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Don't give up, keep trying on EH. I was going to mention that I felt she wasn't interested "enough"- but I saw things didn't work out. When someone is interested, there is no such thing as "too busy". There are more women out there available to make a connection with, and one of them will be right for you- keep trying, it will happen for you.
Eddie Edirol Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 End question: Where's the flippin' intersection point on the line graph of actually busy, yet still interested, VS lost interest, so communication will be minimal? Its easy, as soon as the normal frequency of communication changes, you know she lost interest. When they dont reply to texts ot calls when they say theyre busy, but dont offer alternative date Your best bet before and after a first date is to assume that she wont look for you and then you wont be dissappointed when she doesnt. if she does, its a nice surprise. When a woman is generally interested, she will check up on YOU, and you dont have to guess. When you have to wonder, assume its over with. What you might not have done is look for signs that she is acting cool during the date to avoid conflict or awkwardness. If that isnt there, she just wasnt that into you and found someone shed rather date, no big deal. Cant put too much credence in a first date. You dont start really thinking about her till date 3, when she keeps contacting you and coming back.
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