Author shawn923 Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 UPDATE: I was finishing practice about a hour ago in the gym. And i was waiting on my friends to get dressed, and 2 mins before everybodies dressed, HERE she comes. My ex came into the gym and i was textin. I looked over and saw that it was her and we almost made slight eye contact... enough for it to be known she def saw me and vice versa. So i simply walked out the door to the gym since i was about to leave anyway and i was right next to it... SO thats the second time today i saw her. And at first i was thinkin maybe it looked like im running from her, but i looked at it this way; I was at both spots FIRST. both times when she shouldnt have even been where i was. and besides, if it looks to her as if im hiding from her, who cares, ive already cried in front of u... its not like seeing me leave everytime she comes around is gonna make her NOT want me even more... So am i still on the right track? I mean i was leaving the gym anyway and we left in a big pack of ppl... it just so happend to be timed up perfectly, 5 secs when she came in, saw me, then I left... so thats 2 texts i HAVENT replied to and twice i saw her and left the room...
Author shawn923 Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 She just texted again, saying "so your ignoring me now? lemme know ill stop" Im gonna reply this time. Saying "oh im not ignoring you"
Author shawn923 Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 im just gonna let her know we need space...
Art_Critic Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 You do know that by replying you are breaking NC ?
Layzie89 Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 You know what will really drive her crazy shawn? Text her back "That would be nice" nithing more.
Author shawn923 Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 You do know that by replying you are breaking NC ? I couldnt help it... it was the THIRD straight text. i didnt wanna make it seem as if i was ignoring her... i casually replied with a "who said i wasnt talking" then she replied "u saw me twice and left" i said "aw i was leaving anyway" I thought ignoring her and nc were different things. and i was advised to reply to her with something similar in the other forum... so go figure. im sure it couldnt hurt me any further when SHE reached out 3 times to contact me first.
Call Me Al Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Ignoring her is a part of No Contact, though. Its important to ignore her for the reason that you can move on if you do so. If she misses you and has a change of heart sometime down the line, she will let you know. Being in contact with her wont ever allow that to happen. If she doesnt miss you and doesnt ever speak to you again, you've at least moved on.
Art_Critic Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Well.. guess what.. you are no longer in NC with her.. time to start all over.. Day 1...
Call Me Al Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Basically at this point you need to accept that right now, your relationship is done. Focus on the now of that. Do not worry about what happens a week or a month from now. Dont worry about her either, worry about yourself.
Author shawn923 Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 basically i stopped texing her. and eventually she replied "u know what its cool! I guess thats my que and i'll stop, have a nice life shawn (last name)" And i doubt im replying to this one either hopefully this puts me in the drivers seat from here on out... it looks like she was trying to reach out to me and never got an answer... hopefully this'll make her miss me more than i do her!
Layzie89 Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Dude your in control now man. You see what not even one day of NC does to her? Start NC again and this time stick to it no matter what. YES shawn, NC means you ignore her. Ha
Chi townD Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 Okay, here's the deal. You've already stated that you've tried everything to get her back and it hasn't worked. That's why you go NC. Because it's time for you to heal and move on. Don't call her, avoid her and DON'T answer her texts!!! I wish I could take credit for this analogy; however, someone on this website wrote something about NC and it made a lot of sense. She broke up with you, but keeping in contact with you, she's viewing you like a dog on a leash. She's walking around; carrying on with her life and everytime she texts you or calls you she doesn't want to get back together with you. She's just pulling on the leash to make sure the dog is still there. Do you still want to be that dog wishing for scraps but never getting anything more than that? Or, do you want to find a girl that feels that there's no other place in the world she would rather be but by your side. I have a STRONG feeling that you are the type of guy that likes to get the last word in. I'll tell you, silence speaks volumes. Does any of this make any sense to you?
Author shawn923 Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 Okay, here's the deal. You've already stated that you've tried everything to get her back and it hasn't worked. That's why you go NC. Because it's time for you to heal and move on. Don't call her, avoid her and DON'T answer her texts!!! I wish I could take credit for this analogy; however, someone on this website wrote something about NC and it made a lot of sense. She broke up with you, but keeping in contact with you, she's viewing you like a dog on a leash. She's walking around; carrying on with her life and everytime she texts you or calls you she doesn't want to get back together with you. She's just pulling on the leash to make sure the dog is still there. Do you still want to be that dog wishing for scraps but never getting anything more than that? Or, do you want to find a girl that feels that there's no other place in the world she would rather be but by your side. I have a STRONG feeling that you are the type of guy that likes to get the last word in. I'll tell you, silence speaks volumes. Does any of this make any sense to you? yes it does... however, i broke down last night cuz she was beginning to call and text off the hook. My goal deep deep down is reconciliation... and i know by calling and texting she was just yanking the chain making sure her dog still barks... i understand all of it. i ended up replying only because she was desperately trying to talk to me. we only had a very short convo, where i was basically just like im giving u ur space, we being friends wont work, etc. she was panicking replying IMMEDIATELY like "oh i never said i wanted space!" and "this isnt you!" and "i think this is because of a girl".... i just told her figure out whats best for u. and i left it there... she continued to text but i didnt reply. she text me again this morning saying "its fine. have ur space".... and im not replying so yes, i know i broke the ignoring part of NC... i certainly dont think i did anything to harm my efforts. I didnt down right DISS her like an enemy, but i did put my foot down hard and let her know things just will NOT be the same anymore. I had a gut feeling and just had to do it, it felt right... my only gripe is now hopefully shes missing me more than i am her, because its killing me not to see her fb page... but her panicking and all that last night and getting no last reply outta me should make her feel much more uneasy than i will be... What do u all think?
WTRanger Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 You did the right thing by tell her you needed space. In reality, you sink her little plan by doing so and you can tell by her reaction. She wants you to chase. By you telling her you need space and that the friends thing isn't what you are looking for, you took away her power play. If you had just kept ignoring her, you gave her the coveted "out" and she can claim that you are just this heartless, immature, coward. She now knows exactly where you stand. Now it's just up to you to hold your line. Sometimes during the course of NC, if the person just starts it out of the blue, they may need to tell the other one that they just need space. That way, the other person knows where they stand. As well as, gives you the solace that you told them not to contact you. It sounds counter to the point, but blatantly ignoring someone without telling them will only make that person contact you more to find out why. People just can't get silence. They want to figure out why and they will go to the ends of the Earth to find out. Now that you have fully established that you are going NC, stick to it.
Author shawn923 Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 You did the right thing by tell her you needed space. In reality, you sink her little plan by doing so and you can tell by her reaction. She wants you to chase. By you telling her you need space and that the friends thing isn't what you are looking for, you took away her power play. If you had just kept ignoring her, you gave her the coveted "out" and she can claim that you are just this heartless, immature, coward. She now knows exactly where you stand. Now it's just up to you to hold your line. Sometimes during the course of NC, if the person just starts it out of the blue, they may need to tell the other one that they just need space. That way, the other person knows where they stand. As well as, gives you the solace that you told them not to contact you. It sounds counter to the point, but blatantly ignoring someone without telling them will only make that person contact you more to find out why. People just can't get silence. They want to figure out why and they will go to the ends of the Earth to find out. Now that you have fully established that you are going NC, stick to it. THANK YOU... this just made my day. i was thinking the EXACT same way. and your an established member here with over 1000 posts. Its nice to see u saw this the same way i did, and see what i was trying to accomplish. now u said that since i established NC, its up to me to stick to it... And ill be sticking to it until she comes back, or a new girl comes
Layzie89 Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 If what you posted about what you told her was indeed all you said, I'd have to commend you for it shawn. You handled the situation very well. You weren't an ******* and but at the same time you put your foot down and told her that you're just giving her the space she wanted. She says she never asked for space but the way she's been responding to you before you went NC and deleted her from FB says otherwise. She knows how you feel now, and she knows you're starting to distance yourself from her. You have no more reason to break NC now, so stick with it. Resist the urge to check her FB profile even if it's just to see her profile pic. I'm telling you, it gets easier as time goes on. I've deactivated my FB about 3 weeks to a month ago and it has only served to help me. For once, I'm going to say I'm proud of you shawn. Keep up the good work.
SingVoice Posted March 17, 2011 Posted March 17, 2011 I think this girl is just immature and WANTS you to chase her. Bottom line. BUT the thing is...you want her back. If you DON'T want her back...then just leave it as it is. But since it sounds like you do...I don't know. Maybe you should have said something to her like "if you want to work things out I'm ready to talk otherwise please don't contact me." Even though I think her behavior is TOTALLY ridiculous...I have been in a situation before where I broke up with someone and then regretted it. I stayed in contact with him because I was trying to feel out how he was feeling...to see whether or not he wanted to reconcile. I think it's really hard for people to take the "risk" involved in possibly being rejected. I mean...she REALLY might be just playing games with you...but because you want her back...you might want to let her know you are open to talking about reconciliation ONLY...not talking bullsh*t about your day or other nonsense.
Author shawn923 Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 If what you posted about what you told her was indeed all you said, I'd have to commend you for it shawn. You handled the situation very well. You weren't an ******* and but at the same time you put your foot down and told her that you're just giving her the space she wanted. She says she never asked for space but the way she's been responding to you before you went NC and deleted her from FB says otherwise. She knows how you feel now, and she knows you're starting to distance yourself from her. You have no more reason to break NC now, so stick with it. Resist the urge to check her FB profile even if it's just to see her profile pic. I'm telling you, it gets easier as time goes on. I've deactivated my FB about 3 weeks to a month ago and it has only served to help me. For once, I'm going to say I'm proud of you shawn. Keep up the good work. It was... I was telling you guys pretty much the story word for word. I let her know "you need to figure out whats best" and "you cant always get what u want"... she was searching for an answer that she never got, and i also put my foot down. and let her know that space was needed, and that friends wont work out... THATS EXACTLY all i did. she called 3 times i didnt pick up. She also has the last 2 texts last night, and 1 this morning, so SHE was left hanging. leaving me in the drivers seat
Author shawn923 Posted March 17, 2011 Author Posted March 17, 2011 I think this girl is just IMMATURE and WANTS you to chase her. Bottom line. BUT the thing is...you want her back. If you DON'T want her back...then just leave it as it is. But since it sounds like you do...I don't know. Maybe you should have said something to her like "if you want to work things out I'm ready to talk otherwise please don't contact me." Even though I think her behavior is TOTALLY ridiculous...I have been in a situation before where I broke up with someone and then regretted it. I stayed in contact with him because I was trying to feel out how he was feeling...to see whether or not he wanted to reconcile. I think it's really hard for people to take the "risk" involved in possibly being rejected. I mean...she REALLY might be just playing games with you...but because you want her back...you might want to let her know you are open to talking about reconciliation ONLY...not talking bullsh*t about your day or other nonsense. I do agree, she is VERY immature. And the worst part is that i talk to my ex from high school all the time, i was with her 2 years. And were like best friends now, no strings attached, nothin. She is VERY mature because the reason we arent together, shes in the marines. So i dont see why she can be so mature and my current ex cant... And yes... i do still want her. my dream goal would be for her to say "oh shawn im so sorry for everything i promise to be yours forever and forever"... I mean, im just being real, thats what i WANT... but im smart enough to know theres a slim chance of her maturing so fast or even wanting me at all. She is already VERY aware that i wanted to reconcile. Ive been trying for 2 months. I cried for her, gave her gifts, the whole nine yards. And im not sure if youve been keeping up with my posts, but i asked her about it one final time and she acted annoyed and didnt have an answer as to why she "doesnt give second chances"... And she knows im opened to talk about it, i mean she HAS my number, and KNOWS where to find me at school if she wanted to. I left her texts such as "im giving u ur space" and "you need to figure out whats best for you" and "you cant always get what you want".... she was fishing for an explanation, never to find one. JUST as how i was fishing for an explanation the past 2 months as to why she "doesnt give second chances" But i wasnt an a$$ about it... i did it casually as if i didnt care... I made sure not to sound like an enemy.
Author shawn923 Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Today, I have to see her at school. 99% positive shes gonna be there. And im prepared to walk past as if shes not there, but i just need confirmation that thats the right thing to do. Its my LAST chance to see her for a week, next week is spring break. So am i handling this situation the best? Is seeing me walk past her, for the last time in like 10 days, gonna hurt HER more than it will ME? Because i fkn cried again last night... I was going thru youtube videos and just teared up cuz something MADE me look at break up songs... it sucks and im hurt. But i know i have to fake like everything is ok, be strong and walk past her... Right? its gonna be killing her more than me? Also one of my friends from school has her on fb and offered his password to me... I looked at her page and nothin was out the ordinary. i just looked cuz i was nosey... and i may attempt to look here and there again but ill get better with this, and try to stop.
Chi townD Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 You've always questioned, "Does NC work?" Well, let's look at your progress. You've ritten that you've cried to her. Begged and pleaded. Given her gifts and that got you nowhere fast. Now that you've "sorta" went NC, she's been blowing up your phone.
Art_Critic Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Looking at her FB profile thru a friends account IS BREAKING NC...
Author shawn923 Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 You've always questioned, "Does NC work?" Well, let's look at your progress. You've ritten that you've cried to her. Begged and pleaded. Given her gifts and that got you nowhere fast. Now that you've "sorta" went NC, she's been blowing up your phone. I see. But that was just for that one day. And i think it was the surprise that caught her off guard, that i all of sudden left whenever she was around, and how i all of sudden deleted her at fb, all at once. She hasnt contacted me since then. Do u think she will during this break? Is she missing me at all? And remember, my plan was reconciliation. Basically i cut HER off from ME... HOPING that it'll make her lonely and realize what shes missed. cuz like i said before this is the first time i really put my foot down and no longer wanted anything to do with her... So in my eyes, i did go full NC. If she doesnt realize what she missed, then oh well, time will heal my pain instead. So as far as sorta goin NC, thats my choice... I decided to look on her fb page. Now if i see something that hurts me, i can only blame myself. I realize NC is a time for me to FORGET about her, and i think with TIME i will eventually just stop caring whats on her fb page... But as far as physical, real-life type NC, as far as leaving her hanging hoping she will MISS me, i believe i have done perfectly fine NC.
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