aeion Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 i just set myself back... i met up with my ex after about a month of NC (we've been seeing each other around for months and having light convo) latley though, she's been wanting to hang out and catch up. The problem is, everytime we hang out its pretty much like we are back together w/o and intimacy beyond holding hands and cuddling... I had enough so i went NC and made it a month before she tricked me into revealing i had no plans yesterday. Ive been dating other girls and honestly the longer i go w/o seeing her the better i felt. I convinced myself i was ready to hangout with her again. We ended up spending the whole day together... and as i was driving her home the conversation took this turn: the jist: Me: "do you think we would still hang out like this (all day) if we were with someone else? wouldnt you feel a lil betrayed" Her: "I guess a never thought about it, if someone comes into my life they would have to be ok with the fact im hanging with a friend" Me: "But is that really all we are?" Her: "i dont know..." Me: "Its just, i dont hang out with girls all day like this, when they are only my friend, so i just want to be clear what the intentions are" Her: "Yeah... i mean if you found someone you were really happy with who was treating you right then id be ok with it...i mean youd still want to hang out with me right? i mean maybe we couldnt hang out all day like this, but like a couple hours or something..." Me: Yeah (which i admit i was lying...i wouldnt) Her: "i dont want to date you right now" Me: "thats not what i was asking (truth)" Her: "I mean we are both single now... so i guess we dont have to really think about it" Me: for sure... ill see you later (convincing smile) So we are "conditional friends" nice... And now im feeling a bit hurt... my own fault i know. I just need some advice.. anything really
spackle Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 from the 'I don't know' sounds like she isn't 100% sure of what she wants.
TurboGirl Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 aeion you don't have to hang out with her... not obligated if she asks. Why are you still talking, anyway? I think you've been hurt by her and I think it would be easier just to move on. I know it is hard. I would fade her out, doesn't sound like she will be there for you in the way that you want/need. Unfortunately sometimes when we try & "go back" to something that we loved, hoping for that nice warm feeling again it backfires on us. The statement I don't want to date you right now, is a stinger. When you go looking over your shoulder you can never predict what you will get. You are dating others... concenetrate on finding someone who digs you and appreciates all the good things you have to offer. Go NC again... best way.
Author aeion Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 its just so hard sice we so many mutual friends, and classes. I just dont understand why she keeps hitting me up when she has dated quite a few guys since me... in fact she left me for someone else in the first place who turned out to be a complee ass
WTRanger Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 its just so hard sice we so many mutual friends, and classes. I just dont understand why she keeps hitting me up when she has dated quite a few guys since me... in fact she left me for someone else in the first place who turned out to be a complee ass Because people are creatures of habit and tend to go with what's safe and what they know. She knows you're the back-up plan. You've let yourself fall into that role. Don't say things like, "She tricked me into saying I had no plans." That's utter and complete BS. You know it, I know it. Then, you didn't have to hang with her all day. You could have said no. You are putting yourself into these spots. You continue to enable her behavior. Either get back with her, or let her go. It doesn't matter what she does, it's what you do. Even if she bangs down your door, you can't be together if you both aren't on the same track. She knows you'll cave, which is why she continues feed you just enough line so you'll take the bait and save her from being alone for the day or weekend or when she needs male attention. End it. Be honest with her and tell her the truth about what you want. If she loses her mind, that's not on you. You can't control her reaction. You really need to put yourself first.
Author aeion Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Because people are creatures of habit and tend to go with what's safe and what they know. She knows you're the back-up plan. You've let yourself fall into that role. Don't say things like, "She tricked me into saying I had no plans." That's utter and complete BS. You know it, I know it. Then, you didn't have to hang with her all day. You could have said no. You are putting yourself into these spots. You continue to enable her behavior. Either get back with her, or let her go. It doesn't matter what she does, it's what you do. Even if she bangs down your door, you can't be together if you both aren't on the same track. She knows you'll cave, which is why she continues feed you just enough line so you'll take the bait and save her from being alone for the day or weekend or when she needs male attention. End it. Be honest with her and tell her the truth about what you want. If she loses her mind, that's not on you. You can't control her reaction. You really need to put yourself first. Thank you for your honesty. Youre right, i have been a doormat for this girl. I gave her everything and she didnt even care enough to brake up with me in person. Im such an idiot... I guess, i convinced myself that i could be friends but in relaity subconciously i thought i could get her back even tho i dont want her back. I thought if she knew i was dating and having a great time with life, she would miss me. But im done. I want my life back for good this time... im so scared. I love her so much. but every bone in my body is telling to cut out this friendship. She destroyed my pride, broke my heart and didnt even notice. How could she ask me to be her best buddy? how could i accept that. I feel so pathetic. I have so much going for me now and yet all i want to do is share it with her. So badly u know? But i cant do this anymore... I cant keep looking at her and wondering if she's thinking o someone else. I cant keep going to to the schools gym and wondering if she hooked up with any of the guys in this room. I just really hoped. I really tried to be perfect for her. And i wanted to look like the perfect guy after the fact. I bulked up for her, made serious moves in my life to try and show her why i was the one for her. i wanted to be that guy that every girl wants. ... its been almost year since the break itself but i guess this is the first time im consciously removing myself from her. i feel really low
name witheld Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Totally agree with WTRanger. But at least you can see it. The "I don't know" is just her trying to avoid answering honestly. So that really tells you the answer. And it gives you enough information to move on.
depplover_1980 Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Well it has all been said already, but if when you hang with her as friends it doesn't feel 'enough' then that feeling will only get bigger, not smaller. If you genuinely liked her as a friend, it would also be cool BUT you still harbour resentment to her so it is best to segregate yourself from her going fowards. She irritated me when she said you weren't dating, when you blatantly were.
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