Viking Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and a half now. She's a rather independent person (OK, pretty independent) and sometimes that's nice, but other times, I'd like someone who was a little more dependent. She goes away for weekends because she's on our university's cycling team and has races all over the adjoining 3-4 states. I ask her to call or text me as I like getting texts and calls. I'm not much of a phone talker, but when she's gone for 3 days at a time, I feel like a phone call or a text is not too much to ask. Well, the night she leaves, I get one measly text. "Niiiiight Dear" is what she sent me. The next day, I get "Hey! Sorry I didn't call, we were just having so much fun cheering everyone on! Hopefully can tomorrow, but if now I will see you tomorrow evening! " I did text her back, but NOTHING! Am I out of line for expecting her to text or call while she's away? I don't think so. To me, this just reeks of lack of commitment, but at the same time, it could be just that she wants to get away and have a fun weekend with her friends and teammates. She hasn't updated any facebook statuses and hasn't talked to her parents either. It could be that she is just not as "needy" as I am. I am not a needy person per se, but sometimes it is nice to hear from your GF, you know what I mean? Any advice or help on the situation as to what I could say to her or do would be appreciated. I don't want to come across as controlling or needy, but just that I appreciate hearing from her.
Datura Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 She did text you. Had she contacted her parents and regularly updated her facebook, maybe you could say it's "lack of commitment." Clearly what's bothersome is the infrequency and brief content of the messages. She's busy, leave it at that. It might be a good idea to keep yourself busy.
Author Viking Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 I was at work today and yesterday, so I was busy. It is just that I feel like I deserve a couple more texts than what I received. I figure what it boils down to is that she's out of town and is having "her time", so I guess it is just a matter of waiting for her to get done with that. Also, after work I called her to see if she was back into town yet, but she wasn't and I wanted to make dinner and needed to know if she was going to be there. I guess what also bothers me is that I feel like I can't text or call her while she's out of town. I don't know why I feel this way, it is just that she gets kinda perturbed and whatnot because I am calling. Pisses me off.
fishtaco Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I'm having the same problem with the woman I'm dating right now. She's not my girlfriend yet, but this is partially why. I want to see our situation improve first, before I ask her. On top of her periodic lack of communication, we also don't see each other very often. Back when I was multi dating her and other women, I didn't care. If she's not available, I'll just go out with someone else. But that's not applicable anymore because I've decided to try to get serious with her, and I stopped multi dating. So she knows. I was very honest about it. But things haven't changed. I think it's kind of rude. I don't expect a response immediately, but for my case, last time I had communication with her was Thursday. She didn't respond to my txt Friday. And today (Sunday) I txt regarding that I had asked one of my friends about a legal issue she's been having. And I got some advice. I told her to call me. Of course she didn't call, not surprised. But eventually, when she feels like talking to me, she'll resume communication. When I'm with her, everything is great. But periodically she'll go into this radio silence zone for several days. It bothers me, but at the same time I'm not sure if I'm being too picky. I was going to talk to her about it. Last radio silence, she had a semi legit reason. She stayed at her brother's house and forgot her charger, so her phone died. But she could have contacted me with her brother's phone. But since I'm trying to get serious with her, I'm going to do the love is blind thing and give her the benefit of the doubt. When communication resumes, I'll ask her what's going on this time. So far, we're not making progress. I'll wait till April, and I'll do another reassessment. If things don't progress, I may going back to multi dating.
Author Viking Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 That must be frustrating, especially as there is nothing that is official between the two of you yet. Maybe find out why she's so aloof. What annoys me a lot is that I feel like I can't call her or initiate texts sometimes because she is busy often. I texted her about 30 minutes ago, but no reply. BUT her facebook has some reply from her about 10 minutes ago. I saw this during my lunch break as I wanted to find out what time she wants to do dinner tonight after I get off work and she's done studying.
Duckduckgoose Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 You're upset because you are respecting her independence boundaries but she is not reciprocating by being a little more emotionally available for you. You want reassurance, you don't like sitting around waiting for someone who is too busy for you. She wants a boyfriend to come home to but she doesn't want the upkeep that goes with having one. Don't blame you for being pissed off there Viking. But there are many other girls that will give you the time of day... after a year or so of dating its kind of rude to string you along like that.
Recommended Posts