chop246 Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 (edited) Back Story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t268524/ I have avoided her for about a week now.She called me a few days ago to ask how I was..I told her I was really good and ended the conversation before it drug on.Of course she asked me when I was moving,because I'm supposed to take her cat.We didn't contact each other for a day.Then yesterday she texted me"how is your moving going..do you need any help? I have until 5".I texted back "It probably won't work,because I was to far away..Maybe tomorrow" She said "I have to work until 11("I suggested maybe I would pick her up and take her to work if she needed a ride..she said she didn't so we BS'D for a few more texts.It just seems like every time I try to get over her she keeps coming back.i love her too much to say goodbye..I miss her..does she miss me or is she just trying again to manipulate me?Do I care if she misses me?Why do I care if she does?What the hell is wrong with me!!!? Edited March 13, 2011 by chop246 edit
WorldIsYours Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Back Story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t268524/ I have avoided her for about a week now.She called me a few days ago to ask how I was..I told her I was really good and ended the conversation before it drug on.Of course she asked me when I was moving,because I'm supposed to take her cat.We didn't contact each other for a day.Then yesterday she texted me"how is your moving going..do you need any help? I have until 5".I texted back "It probably won't work,because I was to far away..Maybe tomorrow" She said "I have to work until 11("I suggested maybe I would pick her up and take her to work if she needed a ride..she said she didn't so we BS'D for a few more texts.It just seems like every time I try to get over her she keeps coming back.i love her too much to say goodbye..I miss he..does she miss me or is she just trying again to manipulate me? Don't let her play you. Women go crazy when a man cuts her off.
ReturnToSender Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Don't let her play you. Women go crazy when a man cuts her off. So do men. Mine showed up at my job and gave me a hug after I told him I didnt want to see him anymore and cut off contact. But yeah Chop, I have no idea why some people do this. Ive been going through this over a year now, and Im at fault too cause I kept giving in. After I say Im done, he amps the contact, always dropping little notes, telling me he misses me, brings up something sweet from when we were together, anything...before you know it were together, and before long I find out hes been seeing someone else, he reminds me were not officially back together, I say Im done.... ...lather, rinse, repeat... So yeah, if you dont wanna end u in that cycle, and youre sure shes not actually trying to reconcile, save yourself the heartache and dont let her keep you from moving on if that is what you ultimately want.
MarlyStar Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 She won't let you move on because you aren't insisting that she let you move on. You really are going to have to go no contact. Read up on personality disorders, particularly borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. Read not so much what's wrong with them, but what happens to people who deal with them. Sorry you have to deal with this.
East7 Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Don't let her play you. Women go crazy when a man cuts her off. Oh this is so true...! It cost her nothing to test the waters and say hi. You have seen enough to know who she is and what she wants from you. Just because you are in love doesn't mean that you have to let her use you. If you let her back again you will settle for more deception and pain.
ReturnToSender Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 She won't let you move on because you aren't insisting that she let you move on. You really are going to have to go no contact. Read up on personality disorders, particularly borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder. Read not so much what's wrong with them, but what happens to people who deal with them. Sorry you have to deal with this. So true...its hard to say in this situation because I dont have enough info to go on, but definitely my ex has all the signs of being a sociopath, though no one will ever know for sure since its not like hes going to therapy anytime in the near or far future. Anyway, everyone, even my ex says I am the one and only woman hes ever had in his life that could put up with him, and not only bear being around him but genuinely love him even after getting to know him. Ive done a lot of reading and...apparently what made our relationship work so well is I have all the signs of being co-dependent and an enabler. Pretty much, while he was all about himself and what makes him happy, I was all about him and what makes him happy. Win win! This carried through not only our relationship, but a good heaping reason why this has carried on in the year and a half since our breakup. Ive been told by his family, he is always going to do what it takes to keep me in his life because I feed a need for him, something no one has given him before to the lengths I have in that I love him for being him ...a man who pretty much everyone, even his fam will admit, they cant stand. He himself has mused many times over the years, that everyone hates him, except me. And Im sitting there all doe eyed "that cant be true...youre wonderful!!" Yeah. I do wish sometimes I could see him the way others do... it would certainly make letting go so much easier. Anyway yeah, definitely if this is a dynamic you recognize in your own relationship...there might be something like this to it to answer the why. For whatever reason, I always downplay and rarely think about or mention this as an issue with my ex, though it decidedly is.
Author chop246 Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 (edited) She did it again..I didn't talk to her yesterday after we texted.She called me on her lunch break today.She had a couple of hours to help me move.And of course my dumb ass went to pick her up.We spent a little while shopping for supplies.We were having good conversation all though her guard was up most of the time.Funny,when I received a phone call and didn't answer it she was sort of looking at my phone to see who it was.I just kept a smile on like nothing was wrong.It's again funny when you step away from someone you notice different things about them.She didn't seem to be as beautiful as she did when I was infatuated with her..Maybe it's because I know that she is just not that good of a person inside..it now shows on the outside as well. Edited March 13, 2011 by chop246 correction
Jack & Coke Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Guy... She's blatantly using you and you're eating out of her hand. She dated and married a guy while the whole time you were being Mr. Friendly and cuddling with her. And she kept you at a distance because she didn't see you in a serious light. She's not going to have sex with someone who's her little teddy bear. The whole time you were being her pillow mate for a year she was still getting f*cked by another guy. And when you finally did get to be intimate with her, you only pleased her (I assume you ate the p*ssy or something along those lines), with nothing in return. She has her hooks in you and knows it. She knows if she texts or calls you you'll come running like a little puppy. The "friend zone" is nothing more than a guy who wants more, but is afraid to make a move. Remember that. And she's already made her choice. Cut her off, cancel her and chalk it up to a lesson learned. If she keeps realizing she can make you jump whenever she snaps her finger she'll keep getting f*cked by other guys while you remain her cuddle bear and resource to gain citizenship. You're being used, take control.
Author chop246 Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 You are right about the intimacy part...That's all she would let me do..of course she said before we started...no sex and we can't tell anyone..so i worked it for 30 mins..then she made me stop ..she said she felt like she was cheating...the whole thing made no sense to me..I was frustrated as hell!!!
Jack & Coke Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 You are right about the intimacy part...That's all she would let me do..of course she said before we started...no sex and we can't tell anyone..so i worked it for 30 mins..then she made me stop ..she said she felt like she was cheating...the whole thing made no sense to me..I was frustrated as hell!!! She got hers and then pulled the guilt card so you wouldn't expect anything in return. It lets her off the hook. She has way too much power in this situation, lol.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 You need to go no contact with this girl, immediately; and for your own good. Regarding any items tying you two together - send them to her if they're hers, or get rid of them if they're yours. No contact is the key here. She's not holding you captive; clearly, you're the one not letting go.
Author chop246 Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Thanks Jack..Sometimes I feel if I gave her $400.00 she might sleep with me.
Author chop246 Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Ok she has got me thinking about her again..why does she call me to help me move..why did she want to see me?..I keep trying to avoid calling her..I know I should have just said no..I know she is in a relationship..sort of...She is driving me crazy..We have not contacted each other today..I am forcing myself not to ....Why do I want her to be in my life?.....
lizwashere Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 With all due respect, it seems to me that you're addicted to the drama. If you truly want to move on then bluntly tell her to no longer contact you. I think deep down you are still hoping that she will have sex with you and that's why you keep responding to her overtures. At this juncture you really have no right to paint yourself as a victim - you know exactly what kind of woman she is, so if you continue to engage her and she keeps using you, there is no one to blame but yourself.
Author chop246 Posted March 15, 2011 Author Posted March 15, 2011 Just watched 500 days of summer.Whoever suggested that..Good choice..Thank you!!
Jack & Coke Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 I have a couple of posts I can point you to to give you something to think about. There's a huge distinction between friend and lover, and you should know when you're in the friend zone. PM me if interested.
Author chop246 Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 Thanks again Jack..I always made my intentions known to her..Was never afraid to make a move..At first We were fine,,I think she manipulated me into doing what she wanted for her own reasons,by giving just a little and then cutting me off..She did this before when were seeing each other..She has a husband (sort of) so she can't allow herself to get involved with anyone for immigration reasons,because I sure no man...other than my naive ass would stick around too long if they knew her situation..She is very good at what she does...that's why her husband/BF needed some time away from her..I know if I were to get involved with her..we couldn't have anything serious for about 3 more years...I can't wait that long..I am content now on being her friend..and that's it.We are talking again and hanging out..I still love her,but I have decided I can have her in my life,but I have decided that I need to get my life together.Spending less time thinking about her and putting myself first...not her..
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