Jump to content

Telling her we cant be friends, is this a good way to say it? Need your input :)

seanmathews3

By seanmathews3
in Breaks and Breaking Up

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

seanmathews3 Member

seanmathews3

Posted
Posted

So its been 3 weeks or so since break up and you might have read my previous post about deleting her from facebook and finding a mature way to tell her we cant be "just friends" (ive said that during the break up but i guess she didnt believe me fully)

so it came to the conclusion of i dont need to explain myself until she asks.

So i deleted her and almost immediately the next time she was on she sent me a message.

 

Her: ?

Me: Hey, what is the ? for?

Her: We're not friends anymore?

 

im taking my time with the messages, no need to show urgency in responding.. but this was gonna be my next reply, so let me know what you think and any advice or additions/subtractions you would make..

 

" I feel this is best right now, (like i said / i was serious when i said) i can't do the "just friends" thing. (I dunno / like we said) maybe once we're both completely over, done and moved on we can (start over / start over as friends or somethin), but who knows. "

 

the phrases in ( ) im still a little indecisive on which.

 

Let me know what you think! :)

 

Any Input is appreciated

WorldIsYours Established Member

WorldIsYours

Posted
Posted
So its been 3 weeks or so since break up and you might have read my previous post about deleting her from facebook and finding a mature way to tell her we cant be "just friends" (ive said that during the break up but i guess she didnt believe me fully)

so it came to the conclusion of i dont need to explain myself until she asks.

So i deleted her and almost immediately the next time she was on she sent me a message.

 

Her: ?

Me: Hey, what is the ? for?

Her: We're not friends anymore?

 

im taking my time with the messages, no need to show urgency in responding.. but this was gonna be my next reply, so let me know what you think and any advice or additions/subtractions you would make..

 

" I feel this is best right now, (like i said / i was serious when i said) i can't do the "just friends" thing. (I dunno / like we said) maybe once we're both completely over, done and moved on we can (start over / start over as friends or somethin), but who knows. "

 

the phrases in ( ) im still a little indecisive on which.

 

Let me know what you think! :)

 

Any Input is appreciated

 

It's okay if you don't want to be friends with an ex. It's your life. I'm not friends with no one I was previously with. They're an ex for a reason.

willowthewisp Established Member

willowthewisp

Posted
Posted

If she broke up with you then she has to learn that she can't have it all her own way, if you need time apart from her to get over it and move on, then you do what is right for you.

 

I think your wording is fine. If at some point in the future you want to be friends, then that's good, to be honest I find it a bit weird when a man is not on speaking terms at least with his ex, it makes me wonder what is "so wrong" with him, what he did to her that would make her never want to speak to him again. Of course, it depnds on the length of the relationship, anything more than two years and I would be concerned if a guy wasn't on speaking terms after maybe a year apart. It also depends on who broke up with whom and why, I mean if she did something terrible or if he tried to offer an olive branch and she is just to immature, then fair enough, but in general, it's a red flag to a women when she meets a guy who is not able to maintain a friendly relationship with their ex's, after some time has passed of course.

  • Author
seanmathews3 Member

seanmathews3

Posted
  • Author
Posted

well it was a 5 month relationship and she was my first love, and yes being friends would be exactly what she wanted, but i obviously want more, and im saying i cant be just friends with her becase it would hurt me too much everytime i talk with her or see her. our relationship was great, no fights just minor arguments we talked through but she broke up with me due to feelings plateau and didnt want a relationship. i want her in my life more than anything but thats as my girl. So this 'no contact" no friendship is to help me get over her sooner and hopefully have her realize what its like with me out of her life. she will either like it or hate it. thats also why i said maybe sometime later when we are both completely moved on.. but who knows... im not saying we wont talk ever again... but then again im not saying we will..

 

"if you love something, let it go and if it is meant to be, it will come back"

thats my game plan... i obviously hope it comes back tho, but i cant hold my breath so i have to start moving on with my own life.

Good Arms Established Member

Good Arms

Posted
Posted (edited)

I think your wording is fine too. She can't dump you and then expect to have you there as a friend, or a back-up plan. I'm glad you recognise that for your own good you really do need to go NC. Sending her a simple explanation of why you feel you can't be friends right now is a thoughtful and mature way of breaking away.

 

I wouldn't agonise over the wording, but my preferences would be (in bold):

 

" I feel this is best right now, (like i said / i was serious when i said) i can't do the "just friends" thing. (I dunno / like we said) maybe once we're both completely over, done and moved on we can (start over / start over as friends or somethin), but who knows. "
Edited by Good Arms
  • Author
seanmathews3 Member

seanmathews3

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Yeah i think ill do "I can't do the "just friends" thing right now. Maybe later."

 

because its simple and to the point. i already explained to her many times before it would be hard to be just friends and that once were over and moved on we can start over. so there is no point in saying it again...

wmrjw82 Established Member

wmrjw82

Posted
Posted

I wish my ex would have atleast asked me to be friends. I probably wouldn't have been able to handle it but it still would have been nice if we could have ended things better. When we broke up she said if I didn't stop contacting her then we couldn't be friends. I was chasing her at the time because the break up came a day after my birthday and thru facebook. The whole thing came out of nowhere. We were living together and when I moved all my stuff out I left the key on the dining room table and haven't contacted her since. The whole thing on her part was really harsh. I still dont get it and i'm on 42 days of NC. :o

  • Author
seanmathews3 Member

seanmathews3

Posted
  • Author
Posted

like they say actions speak louder than words, so even if i say i cant do the friends thing right now, i am completely confident in holding NC on my half. because i still have a little (very very very little) bit of hope that one day we can start over as friends and work towards something more again.. but i guess that hope is natural because she was my first love.. but i know NC is mainly for me to move on.

 

Quick NC question i cant understand.

ive read in posts that u have to hold nc till she contacts you, and ive read in some that you may reply and act friendly as if everything is fine and dandy without her, but other posts say that i shouldnt reply at all, or reply a few days later. or only reply when she mentions getting back together.

 

After a week of nc she contacted me with the ? on fb and later that night a "hey.." text. and i ended up txting back but i was being very simple and it was a very short conversation..

 

so basically my question is... since i have that very little hope.. do i reply or not reply for future times she reaches out to contact me? kuz i dont want to come across as an A-hole and reject a simple txt that could have led her to talking about getting back.. ya know?

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...