slpcf1990 Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 My lover told me he was pushing me away because he was falling in love with me. I felt rejected and hurt because I didn't understand what was going on with him, so I retreated and stopped calling/texting sort of weaning myself. For approx. 2 weeks, there was complete silence. I think he was waiting to see if I would pursue, but I was done, the rejection hurt too much. Next thing I know, he's contacting me daily and that's been happening for 3 months now. The moment I start losing interest here he comes. So last week he tells me that the reason he pulled away was because he was falling in love with me again. Just so you know, I dated him 20 years ago and we reunited last year. I ended it the first time because I went away to college, but we were still very much in love with each other. So, I was thinking maybe he thinks I might walk away like before..... Is it normal for men/women to pull away if they're falling in love?
yessy21 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 How interesting. i asked myself the other day the same question. i think the answer is yes. when they like u too much and think ur going to hurt them because ur stronger than them emotionally they do pull away.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 The fact that you walked away before has to give him pause. That probably really really hurt him allot. His pulling away is understandable and you would need to really reassure him that you are not going to do that again. However the fact that you have this history and had a good 20 year hiaitus says to me that three months of this is not a big deal. I mean...you have waited this long already.
carhill Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I'd be careful with this one. He's not the same man he was 20 years ago. Trust me. Healthy people don't say clearly 'My lover told me he was pushing me away because he was falling in love with me' if they don't mean it, unless 'health' is situational and they play push-pull games. Either way, negative words and negative actions add up to negative. Valid, but negative. If his emotional style is to push away people he's falling in love with, and then chasing them after he's pushed them away, then that's his style; you job is to determine if that style is compatible with your own. Neither of you are kids anymore; I'll assume late 30's or 40's. People are well-formed at those ages. Actions and words are wonderfully accurate information. Believe them. Welcome to LS
mo mo Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 so you guys are saying that some people are so afraid of strong feelings that they run away from their SO's when they start getting them? geezz
carhill Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Yes, for some people, strong emotions invoke a fear response. The 'reasons' are perhaps manifold, but it's not our job to be their therapist. Having ignored that advice has been an emotionally draining life experience that I would not recommend to others. Better to accept reality and make healthy choices.
LondonS Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Yes, for some people, strong emotions invoke a fear response. The 'reasons' are perhaps manifold, but it's not our job to be their therapist. Having ignored that advice has been an emotionally draining life experience that I would not recommend to others. Better to accept reality and make healthy choices. I agree with both of your responses. I am having a similar issue but I am looking at this way that if a man in early 30ies still has the push pull issues then do I really want him? I think may be not !
blackmagik Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 It is definitely common for people to pull away so that they dont get hurt. You hurt him once so he doesn't want you to do it again, and what says that you won't again?
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