roman_pavluchenko Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 I don't understand. I was my ex's first boyfriend and she dumped me for being too clingy, we ended it on good terms though, sat down and talked for 2 hours as if nothing happened, hugged eachother and then i left her house. I did try to convicne her to take me back a few days later, had i known at the time she had dumped me for being too clingy i wouldn't have. I hit the anger stage and deleted her off facebook - this pissed her off apparently. I just don't get how couples can abuse eachother, swear, point out eachother flaws and stuff and atleast remain friends. I mean i never disrespected my ex, never made her cry or anything yet we break-up and after 6 weeks we haven't contacted eachother. Just seen eachother through mutual friends and even then its almost as if i don't exist. Take last night for example, me and 2 mates were sitting on a couch together, she offers 1 of them a piece of chewing gum, offers the other 1 a piece, then turns back around and continues watching the movie...its stupid, we we're so close for 3 months talking about everything and anything and now i don't exist, we're both really nice people and were apparently an amazing couple, yet now we're nothing and it's doing my head in, i just want to forget it, we dated 2 months, 6 weeks later im still going crazy ahhhh!
ReturnToSender Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Awe...it seems to me that its not so much that shes ignoring you, but that shes taking her space. Now that you know the breakup was cause you were being clingy, then it makes sense that she wants some time apart. Considering shes taking that time and not trying to keep contact with you right now kind of shows that she needs that time, and the best thing to do is let her have it, not letting her have space is what turned her off to the relationship afterall. Eventually, I dont see any harm in sending her a mesage to say hi and see how shes doing, but if she doesnt respond and not giving you any indication that she wants to rekindle the relationship or even keep a friendship going, I would take it as a sign to stop holding on and try to move forward.
Author roman_pavluchenko Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 Awe...it seems to me that its not so much that shes ignoring you, but that shes taking her space. Now that you know the breakup was cause you were being clingy, then it makes sense that she wants some time apart. Considering shes taking that time and not trying to keep contact with you right now kind of shows that she needs that time, and the best thing to do is let her have it, not letting her have space is what turned her off to the relationship afterall. Eventually, I dont see any harm in sending her a mesage to say hi and see how shes doing, but if she doesnt respond and not giving you any indication that she wants to rekindle the relationship or even keep a friendship going, I would take it as a sign to stop holding on and try to move forward. hey, thanks for replying. Yeah i know, it's been 6 weeks though, i thought by now things wouldn't be as tense as they are in a group situation.
Author roman_pavluchenko Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 she gets her license tomorrow. should i send her a text saying congrats?
ReturnToSender Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 (edited) Only if she sends you a message first sharing the news with you that she got her license...then yeah I would reply to say congrats. Otherwise, I wouldnt say anything. Besides, imagine if by some chance she didnt pass the test and didnt ger her license..telling her congrats is not going to help your cause. And if she knows shes on your mind that much that you make a point to tell her congrats for this...it may just solidify her feelings about you being clingy. Its not like its her birthday, or a major significant event that theres no way you woudln remember or something...its just getting a license, so itll be obvious youre using it as an excuse to reach out to her. Which yeah, also will not help your cause. She'll see nothing has changed, and still not be interested. Edited March 13, 2011 by ReturnToSender
Author roman_pavluchenko Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 Only if she sends you a message first sharing the news with you that she got her license...then yeah I would reply to say congrats. Otherwise, I wouldnt say anything. Besides, imagine if by some chance she didnt pass the test and didnt ger her license..telling her congrats is not going to help your cause. And if she knows shes on your mind that much that you make a point to tell her congrats for this...it may just solidify her feelings about you being clingy. Its not like its her birthday, or a major significant event that theres no way you woudln remember or something...its just getting a license, so itll be obvious youre using it as an excuse to reach out to her. Which yeah, also will not help your cause. She'll see nothing has changed, and still not be interested. yeah but it was a pretty big deal to her, she reminded me so many times the exact date. Im not doing it to try get her interested in me, i was thinking more along the lines if showing her i don't hate her and that i still care. I would only ever take her back if before i move on, she asked me to reconcile and was willing to make changes. I hated our relationship, but i really liked her and hoped things would work out. I just don't feel that its necessary to lose her as a friend because we didn't work out as a couple :S
Good Arms Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 I really don't know how you can hang out with mutual friends when your ex is there and you clearly still have strong feelings for her. There's no way I could do that. I'd be analysing everything she does, every reaction to myself or my friends. It would make me insanely jealous. I'd make my excuses and avoid being wherever she is. It's going to hurt like hell to have her there, of course it is. How are you ever going to move on like that? The general consensus (sp?) seems to be that you can't ever be friends with an ex unless: (a) the break-up was completely mutual (clearly yours wasn't, like mine) or (b) plenty of time has passed and you've moved on and forgiven. Six weeks is absolutely no time. I dated for just over 2 months, and four months down the line I'm still a wreck (it was my first relationship). I don't think I can ever be 'friends', too much pain has been caused. At first I felt just like you though, I thought we could stay friends, maybe catch up once in a while. But I think I was naive to feel that was ever possible. Do you really want to hear things about her life, new guys she's seeing for example? It would be like another knife into the heart. I just do my best to avoid her, which is difficult seeing as we work in the same building. Though I feel I still have things to say to her, things I couldn't get out when she dumped me, I know nothing will be gained by it (even if I could talk to her without getting emotional). So I can't see myself saying much more than the occasional "Hi" in passing. You can be friendly and show there are no hard feelings without really being 'friends', and sadly I think for most of us who can't/don't go complete NC that's all that we have left of a broken relationship.
Author roman_pavluchenko Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 yeah it is hard for me. I do over-analyse things that happen. She gives me mixed signals, like yesterday, one moment she was ignoring me completely, next moment she grabbed a tennis racket off my mate and started playing with me. It just sucks because the only chance i get to see my friends is within a group and she is there, since we're all busy throughout the week and are restricted to saturdays so thats when we catch up. I've decided not to text her after all though. I thought about it and figured i was only doing it to show her i still care, so that we could be come friends again and rekindle the emotions and get back together...close call, nearly fell back down to square 1!
Good Arms Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Good for you, I mean I wondered if I should send my ex a text at Christmas or her birthday, mainly I guess because I thought it was nice and would show I was a decent person... but she didn't contact me at Christmas so I'm glad I didn't first. By dumping me she chose to drop me from her life, so it's up to her if she wants that to change. It must be really tough to have your ex in your group of friends. I don't really have that problem, as the mutual work friends we share aren't really people I socialise with anyway, at least not as a group. I don't really socialise with anyone sadly. I don't know what to suggest, but your friends are important so you're right, you shouldn't have to abandon them just because your ex is part of the group.
snug.bunny Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Maybe because you only dated for two months? IDK. It's been the same for me in STR's, but not LTR. For some reason, I've/We've seemed to part more amicably when there were several years spent together. Granted, during the break-up, it wasn't sunshine and roses, but after a good length of time passed we were able to talk civilly and as friends.
ReturnToSender Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 If you hated your relationship with her, why would you consider taking her back? Its totally up to you if you want to send her a message about her license, but like I said, I wouldnt unless she sent you a message first with the good news that she got it expressing its something she wants to share with you. On a another note, I agree with what snug.bunny said about STR vs LTR....granted a lot can happen in a short amount of time, but I also find that theres a lot more attachement in a LTR...while one person has completely moved on after not much time has been invested in a relationshp, another may still be attached...its happened to me, where I genuinely dont know what a guy is bent out of shape over when we only dated for a couple of months. Im not trying to be mean, I just didnt get attached in that short amount of time. Which also brings me back to...you said you hated the relationship so I doubly dont understand why you want to maintain something you hated...
Mixed28 Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 I really don't know how you can hang out with mutual friends when your ex is there and you clearly still have strong feelings for her. There's no way I could do that. I'd be analysing everything she does, every reaction to myself or my friends. It would make me insanely jealous. I'd make my excuses and avoid being wherever she is. It's going to hurt like hell to have her there, of course it is. How are you ever going to move on like that? The general consensus (sp?) seems to be that you can't ever be friends with an ex unless: (a) the break-up was completely mutual (clearly yours wasn't, like mine) or (b) plenty of time has passed and you've moved on and forgiven. Six weeks is absolutely no time. I dated for just over 2 months, and four months down the line I'm still a wreck (it was my first relationship). I don't think I can ever be 'friends', too much pain has been caused. At first I felt just like you though, I thought we could stay friends, maybe catch up once in a while. But I think I was naive to feel that was ever possible. Do you really want to hear things about her life, new guys she's seeing for example? It would be like another knife into the heart. I just do my best to avoid her, which is difficult seeing as we work in the same building. Though I feel I still have things to say to her, things I couldn't get out when she dumped me, I know nothing will be gained by it (even if I could talk to her without getting emotional). So I can't see myself saying much more than the occasional "Hi" in passing. You can be friendly and show there are no hard feelings without really being 'friends', and sadly I think for most of us who can't/don't go complete NC that's all that we have left of a broken relationship. I still think about her everyday, granted I am not nearly as hurt as the first month after the breakup. When someone does that much damage its hard to be friends. I lost over 10 pounds (gained it back and then some so don't worry) I was a wreck and still not 100%. I do not plan on being friends with my ex ther is no point. I cut her out of my life probably forever.
Author roman_pavluchenko Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 If you hated your relationship with her, why would you consider taking her back? Its totally up to you if you want to send her a message about her license, but like I said, I wouldnt unless she sent you a message first with the good news that she got it expressing its something she wants to share with you. On a another note, I agree with what snug.bunny said about STR vs LTR....granted a lot can happen in a short amount of time, but I also find that theres a lot more attachement in a LTR...while one person has completely moved on after not much time has been invested in a relationshp, another may still be attached...its happened to me, where I genuinely dont know what a guy is bent out of shape over when we only dated for a couple of months. Im not trying to be mean, I just didnt get attached in that short amount of time. Which also brings me back to...you said you hated the relationship so I doubly dont understand why you want to maintain something you hated... I didn't HATE the relationship i guess. I just wasn't too happy with it, because i didn't get to see her as much as i wanted to and most of the time i saw her was with the group and she was too shy to kiss me in front of friends and such. She wasn't really allowed to go out much either...i really liked her though so i thought she just needed time to adapt to me as i was her first boyfriend.
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