Eternal Sunshine Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Rejection is really hard to take. I find it lower my self-esteem so much. Some of the rejections I had in dating could have been prevented by me ending things first. Say you are seeing a fitness fanatic. Your own body is quite flabby and out of shape. You KNOW that he will not like it once he feels you up or clothes come off. But you like him and you take the risk. Surprise, he really drops you once he gets a good feel for your body. It hurts. I really wish I ended it first, when I got a hunch of what was about to happen. It would have made me feel empowered. Instead, I am a mess.
snug.bunny Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 That would be a silly reason to stop dating someone (because you're afraid he'd find out you're a little flabby naked). I mean if it's something that is really of concern to you, you could try explaining your fears beforehand. In this case, it seems it wouldn't have mattered any way because he turned out to be an a-hole.
mo mo Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I think I fell victim to a pre-emptive rejection just this weekend. I woulda totally worked things out with her, but she won't even give it a chance. sigh
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Rejection is really hard to take. I find it lower my self-esteem so much. Some of the rejections I had in dating could have been prevented by me ending things first. Say you are seeing a fitness fanatic. Your own body is quite flabby and out of shape. You KNOW that he will not like it once he feels you up or clothes come off. But you like him and you take the risk. Surprise, he really drops you once he gets a good feel for your body. It hurts. I really wish I ended it first, when I got a hunch of what was about to happen. It would have made me feel empowered. Instead, I am a mess. I've had some fitness freak guy friends who LOVED thicker women. Not obese though.
somedude81 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I'm confused about this thread. Are you saying that guys dump you after they get their hands on your body?
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 I'm confused about this thread. Are you saying that guys dump you after they get their hands on your body? No. It never happened before. Just this one time and I am only guessing that's the reason since I basically offered this guy NSA sex. There are other times when you can sense a rejection coming. Say you have no common interests or something. You still date and hang in there because you like being around that person regardless. Then surprise surprise...this person eventually dumps you because...you have no common interests. It could have all been prevented if you dumped them as soon as you sensed that you have...no common interests. As a result, you start getting dumped time after time for reasons that you saw coming ages ago. I am currently dating this guy who admitted to me that he has this wall up and never lets people in. He hasn't had a gf in years as a result. I can forsee with about 99.9% accuracy that I will be dumped some time in the future because...he has this wall up and won't let me in either. To prevent heartbreak, I should really pre-emptively reject him.
somedude81 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Oh, it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You know it's going to happen, and you still go down that path, and what do you know, it happens.
mo mo Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Oh, it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You know it's going to happen, and you still go down that path, and what do you know, it happens. No, a self-fulfilling prophecy is when you do things to ensure that it happens. Like for instance, if she kept pointing out that the guy has his wall up and will never let her in. The guy will eventually get tired of it and say she's right and dump her, then she would be upset cuz he didn't open up, even though she basically forced his hand.
welikeincrowds Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Some of the rejections I had in dating could have been prevented by me ending things first. Believe me, you can't. If you "beat the other person to the plate", it's just a gesture. You still feel rejected and it's still a mess. Don't beat yourself up; this is just another form of the self-esteem destroying classic "If only I did X". We're here for you.
mo mo Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 In my case, I dated a girl that is in a pretty bad spot in her life. I didn't grill her about it or anything, I just tried to show her a good time. I made her laugh hysterically while we were out and it really seemed like she could not get enough of me. She saw my car, she hung out at my place, and she kissed me goodnight. A few days later I ask her what is up, cuz she had been quiet, and she tells me that she doesn't see me as any more than a co-worker. Not even a friend, a co-worker. This has pre-emptive rejection written all over it. She saw I am on the rise, she looked in the mirror and realized she is on a downfall, and she probably figures that I eventually would get tired of her. That's what I strongly believe anyway.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Believe me, you can't. If you "beat the other person to the plate", it's just a gesture. You still feel rejected and it's still a mess. Don't beat yourself up; this is just another form of the self-esteem destroying classic "If only I did X". We're here for you. I wish we were friends on Facebook.
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