Internet Dating Advice Please

[Iris]

Hello people,

I posted on here at the beginning of Feb as I had broken up with my boyfriend (of only 5 months), felt very down and found this fantastic site to air my grief! Thank god for this site. A lot of people were really sweet and gave some great advice.

 

Well, I was very, very down but made a massive effort to stay positive, keep "up" and move onwards and upwards with my life. In the last couple of months I felt stronger and stronger, although sometimes it was a real effort and I really had to force myself to be sociable sometimes.

 

On a whim I enrolled on internet dating a short while ago (I just thought - what the heck) and - after sifting through the dregs got chatting to many nice people. I had a date with one guy, which we mutually decided wasn't going to go anywhere - then was in email communication with this other guy called James a few times and talked to him about three times before we met up. I could tell before we met up that there would be a spark - and sure as hell there was, both in terms of attraction and wavelength. We had a lovely first date (chatted for hours, laughed and had a nice kiss at the end) and the next few days talked on the phone and texted, planning to meet up mid week. We both said how comfortable we felt with each other (ok, we'd only been on one date, I know!)

 

The only thing I felt slightly uncomfortable with was that he had been living with his girlfriend up until the end of January and then they had split. He had been with her for three years, so I was a bit cautious as I know that you don't get over a three year relationship in a flash and how can somebody stop loving somebody so quickly. He also told me that she had been ringing him wanting to get back, but because the relationship had been so bad in the last year (always arguing) there was no way that they could reconcile.

 

Well, yesterday I got the dreaded text to say that he felt terrible sending me this text but he said that I was the first person he had felt for in a long while and he was scared...and that he and his ex had chatted and were going to try again. He was deeply sorry.

 

I feel so highly disappointed. I also feel so stupid and gullible for having brief feelings for somebody who I had only met once (although we had emailed and spoken numerous times). I am 31 by the way and don't consider myself to be a gullible person. He is the same age.

 

I am determined not to let this get me down though, as I was doing so well, but the question I'd like to run past you all is: should I continue with internet dating or should I give it up as a bad job? It's sort of put me off. I want to be "proactive" about my love life though! (If the mountain won't come to Mohammed etc...)

 

Any advice?

Thanks for listening,

 

Iris

[reservoirdog1]

I don't think you have to give it up. That being said, don't rely on it exclusively. The benefit of internet dating is that you get to establish a basis of commonality with somebody before you meet them, and without having to go up to random people in random settings, talk to them and then find out you have nothing in common with them. In my view, it's a fairly efficient method of separating the wheat from the chaff, early on.

 

Also, I don't see how the mere fact that you met that guy through the internet makes a difference. You could have met somebody in the same situation in a bar.

 

If you're asking whether or not only people with problems use internet dating, well, I think that might have been the case in the past but not anymore. I know a number of people who have met their significant others using Match or Lavalife, to name two.

 

My own experience is limited but has been very successful so far. I moved out of the marital home at the beginning of November. About a month ago I started chatting online with a woman I met through a dating service. After a few messages I sent her my phone number and email address. She called me the next evening and we talked for an hour and a half. We met for the first time a few days later, and, like your situation, the sparks flew. She is also separated, has children, was cheated on by her ex, etc... just like me.

 

Anyway, it's four weeks later and things seem to be progressing nicely. She's made it clear that she's not ready for an exclusive commitment yet; though I think I am ready, I'm not pressuring her. We were together on Friday night / Saturday morning and then didn't speak for a couple of days. Then she phoned me twice yesterday. I don't know if it will develop further but the signs are positive. If it ended I'd be disappointed, but I don't think I'd be crushed -- taking a cue from her, I've tried to avoid getting too emotionally attached to her (which is tough at times, because I like her a lot, and I get the sense that she's having to check herself sometimes to avoid getting too attached to me).

 

So, there you go. Internet dating won't necessarily be any more or less productive than any other form, IMHO.

[moimeme]

The benefit of internet dating is that you get to establish a basis of commonality with somebody before you meet them, and without having to go up to random people in random settings, talk to them and then find out you have nothing in common with them. In my view, it's a fairly efficient method of separating the wheat from the chaff, early on.

 

I agree completely. There are some things you can find out fairly quickly that will be deciding factors in whether you want to continue speaking to someone or not; and often you can sort that out at a distance.

[Arabess]

Meeting someone online and spending some 'chat' time is much like dating someone face to face. You DO get feelings sometimes...then when it doesn't work out....it can be disappointing. The good think about it being online reather than a real date.....is that you don't have to ever face them. HAHA!

 

There are plenty of guys online. You'll meet someone else. Give it some time.

 

I love meeting guys online. I think it's the way to go!