Understand there is nothing I can do...but obsessing over why

[agirlhere]

I will try to keep this as short as possible...

My husband and I seperated just a little over a year ago. During the process of the seperation I started talking to a man I knew, as he was going through a break up as well. For me, it had been a marriage where we just had completely grown apart. It was heartbreaking for all of us, but I knew that it needed to be done. I was not happy. For my friend, he had just been broken up with from a 5 year relationship (she had broken up with him many times throughout those years) He says she never accepted him for who he was and he just kept on trying...she would dump him, hed keep trying to get her back, until she accepted...over and over again. When we started talking it was about a month or so into one of the break ups. We confided in each other, talked about everything, helped one another and in the process, fell in love. It was me first. He was so afraid of being hurt and held back tremendously, but eventually it was both of us...and amazing. fast forward 5 months...she called...he said no worries, he was over her...month later, she calls...he assures me he is over her. I notice he is a bit off, for a few days and come to find out he had seen her, when I called him on it...he told me...Im not over her, I need time. Long story short, I begged pleaded, grovelled, reminded him of our love all of that pathetic stuff we do when we get dumped...to no avail...he went back...only days later I might add...guess who hung around as support, because I knew the relationship was toxic and unhealthy for him...you guessed it...ME. It lasted a month, during which time I was an emotional wreck, hurt, angry, and man the rejection feeling! But I was there for him... all the way through (UGH) He called the day it happened to tell me he broke up with her...it wasnt flowers for me or begging me to forgive him..just a phone call saying it happened...no mention of.."I realized it was you i loved"

just that he had to find out for himeslf, and he was glad he did. He did tell me how sorry he was, that he had hurt me, and I forgave him, he was concerned about what it had done to us, but I assured him I could put it behind me....It was wonderful at first, and then everything started bothering me. I was insecure, not just about her...wondering if he was for sure over her, but insecure about other women friends of his, his feelings for me...everything. The second time around...he never told me he loved me...which added huge to my insecurities...when I asked him, he said..."if I loved you like i thought i did...how could i have done that to you, it makes me question if i even know what love is" he said he loved being with me, could not imagine his life without me, was able to be himself with me, it felt like love, but he wasnt sure. that hurt like hell. It changed me...little things he did and said started eating at me, i would constantly tell him he was hurting me with this and that.... things just changed...but I hung in there because I truly loved him...he saw the changes, and felt them, I told him, he should know if he loves me, and that is what i want, and i wont wait forever...he said he didnt know. Month later we were broke up (6 months second time around) he said he hated hurting me, and he seemed to always be hurting me, that he knows he loves me but is not sure if it is the love i am looking for, or if he is truly the man i am looking for. said..you deserve to be happy....

anyway...my heart is broken once again. I will not grovel this time around or beg or plead...but I am obsessing about what went wrong....like I need to figure out every detail....its driving me insane, because I KNOW what went wrong...we started the relationship in an unhealed state, we got back together in another unhealed state...it would be a miracle if we made it happily. I brought insecurities, resentment in, he brought guilt and who knows what else from his past relationship...abandonment issues, fear, low self esteem. the worst part of all of this is....we are still so special to one another and we care so much about one another....it just seems an absolute shame. We are not communicating very much at all, (he doesnt want to hurt me, and I totally "Get" the NC idea) however I do see him, at times and will continue to....due to circumstances.

 

I want him back is my bottom line....not right now (I know it would not work) but down the road...I want to heal and forgive and be secure and trusting again, and I want him back.....i am a smart woman, who is confused as hell at the moment....Guide me please!!

[Rose T]

I

anyway...my heart is broken once again. I will not grovel this time around or beg or plead...but I am obsessing about what went wrong....like I need to figure out every detail....its driving me insane, because I KNOW what went wrong...we started the relationship in an unhealed state, we got back together in another unhealed state...it would be a miracle if we made it happily. I brought insecurities, resentment in, he brought guilt and who knows what else from his past relationship...abandonment issues, fear, low self esteem. the worst part of all of this is....we are still so special to one another and we care so much about one another....it just seems an absolute shame. We are not communicating very much at all, (he doesnt want to hurt me, and I totally "Get" the NC idea) however I do see him, at times and will continue to....due to circumstances.

 

I want him back is my bottom line....not right now (I know it would not work) but down the road...I want to heal and forgive and be secure and trusting again, and I want him back.....i am a smart woman, who is confused as hell at the moment....Guide me please!!

 

Hi agirlhere, welcome to the broken-hearts club. I guess you've been reading round LS a fair bit because you've already got so many things clear in your head, even though you're asking the questions.

 

The bottom line is, neither of you were in a great place when you got together. You were more interested in commitment, but this may also have been part of the fall-out from your marriage. He had been hurt too much to contemplate a serious relationship with you.. but seemed less together than you in any case.

 

However. When he says that he can't believe what he did to you, and if he can really love you if he treats you like that - believe him. He's not behaved well towards you. I know there were good times but his behaviour was not kind, he did not consider your needs or your heart. He was sorry he hurt you, but then continued to act in an incredibly selfish way. You're trying to understand everything and you're making huge concessions to his broken state, but you still need to examine his behaviour and recognise that he wasn't that kind or good to you in the end. You can't take care of him now. You need to take care of yourself.

 

You know, deep down, that you shouldn't want a man who treats you like that. Sadly, that is the bottom line - excuses for his behaviour aside, he's not able to give you love. He will probably never be able to give you the love that you need. I don't know why it happens like this but it's not always a matter of just being in the rebound phase, although that can complicate matters. Sometimes people just aren't right for one another, they can't give you what you deserve, even if he is hypothetically healed further down the line.

 

Something has been broken between you, I'm so sorry, and I know how much it hurts when you saw potential in the match. This is the hard part now: the logical part of your brain already knows this. You already wrote it in the thread and you're trying to give yourself some healing space. But the emotional part of your brain, the part that stores memories, the part that becomes in love and attached, is still trying to catch up. It's going to take a while for you to reprogramme that part of your brain so you're going to be carrying around the awareness that he's not right for you, and the longing for him, for some time yet. It really sucks and it's really hard but eventually you have to let go and you need to make this your goal.

 

This man is not right for your future. Just hang on in there and try and heal on your own - it's really important now. Take care.

[Movingthrough]

I post on here a lot, but your post is almost exactly what i went through, and for a second i thought you were my ex.

 

Just like the above poster said, the reality is it was too "broken" in the beginning. When i met my ex she was just out of a marriage and i was out of a relationship. We always had a "thing" for each other but never acted on it due to our situations. When we were both because single, we did act on it but we kept it very private, we didnt feel like dealing with the fall out that could come with telling our group of friends that now we were together. Now both of us did the breaking up for our SO's, but i think we knew deep down that we had a rocky foundation because you should never have to hide a relationship from people.

 

Like you said though, we were very much in love, and not the lovey dovey gushy stuff, but a tight connection, best friend type of love, which to me means the most - just great companions. In the back of my mind though i did not overall trust her, to leave a marriage and jump into something so quick made me uneasy, but i had feelings.

 

She ended up leaving me and going to someone else, there was more to it then just GIGS because we were having problems and at the time i was in a sense ready for a split.

 

The reason i typed all of this is because she broke it off with me (just like your guys ex did) and i have been going through the process of getting over her for months, and still feel it, EVEN after wanting a split at the time. For some reason when we are rejected, it takes forever to let it go, thats what you are going through and he is went through. Starting the way you guys did is overall the main red flag why it ended, but you are feeling what you are feeling because it didnt end on YOUR terms, this is a natural feeling.

 

I have spent a lot of time like you running cirlces in my brain trying to figure out how we can feel the way we feel when we "know" that overall this is not what we want in our lives. Like the other poster said, its emotions, its love and everything above. The best thing i heard and i cant remember where from was someone say that if love was so easy to get away or emotions period, what would be the point of them? If it was so easy to "kick" then there would be no point to even have them, it would be like seeing a movie you like, watching it, and then not wanting to see it again, it would be no big deal.

 

It will get better but if i was you i would put time into reading on here and maybe read some general psych stuff around the internet and get an idea for why you are feeling the way you do.

[StussyMagnet]

Hi agirlhere, welcome to the broken-hearts club. I guess you've been reading round LS a fair bit because you've already got so many things clear in your head, even though you're asking the questions.

 

The bottom line is, neither of you were in a great place when you got together. You were more interested in commitment, but this may also have been part of the fall-out from your marriage. He had been hurt too much to contemplate a serious relationship with you.. but seemed less together than you in any case.

 

However. When he says that he can't believe what he did to you, and if he can really love you if he treats you like that - believe him. He's not behaved well towards you. I know there were good times but his behaviour was not kind, he did not consider your needs or your heart. He was sorry he hurt you, but then continued to act in an incredibly selfish way. You're trying to understand everything and you're making huge concessions to his broken state, but you still need to examine his behaviour and recognise that he wasn't that kind or good to you in the end. You can't take care of him now. You need to take care of yourself.

 

You know, deep down, that you shouldn't want a man who treats you like that. Sadly, that is the bottom line - excuses for his behaviour aside, he's not able to give you love. He will probably never be able to give you the love that you need. I don't know why it happens like this but it's not always a matter of just being in the rebound phase, although that can complicate matters. Sometimes people just aren't right for one another, they can't give you what you deserve, even if he is hypothetically healed further down the line.

 

Something has been broken between you, I'm so sorry, and I know how much it hurts when you saw potential in the match. This is the hard part now: the logical part of your brain already knows this. You already wrote it in the thread and you're trying to give yourself some healing space. But the emotional part of your brain, the part that stores memories, the part that becomes in love and attached, is still trying to catch up. It's going to take a while for you to reprogramme that part of your brain so you're going to be carrying around the awareness that he's not right for you, and the longing for him, for some time yet. It really sucks and it's really hard but eventually you have to let go and you need to make this your goal.

 

This man is not right for your future. Just hang on in there and try and heal on your own - it's really important now. Take care.

 

Rose, your post got to me more than any other post I've read here. Thank you.

 

agirlhere, these are very wise words from Rose. Read them again and again. I know I will be.

[Rose T]

Rose, your post got to me more than any other post I've read here. Thank you.

 

agirlhere, these are very wise words from Rose. Read them again and again. I know I will be.

 

Thanks so much, Stussy! I'm writing from the heart, just trying to get to a better place myself. Answering threads helps me too.

[Graceful]

anyway...my heart is broken once again. I will not grovel this time around or beg or plead...but I am obsessing about what went wrong....like I need to figure out every detail....its driving me insane, because I KNOW what went wrong...we started the relationship in an unhealed state, we got back together in another unhealed state...it would be a miracle if we made it happily. I brought insecurities, resentment in, he brought guilt and who knows what else from his past relationship...abandonment issues, fear, low self esteem. the worst part of all of this is....we are still so special to one another and we care so much about one another....it just seems an absolute shame. We are not communicating very much at all, (he doesnt want to hurt me, and I totally "Get" the NC idea) however I do see him, at times and will continue to....due to circumstances.

 

I want him back is my bottom line....not right now (I know it would not work) but down the road...I want to heal and forgive and be secure and trusting again, and I want him back.....i am a smart woman, who is confused as hell at the moment....Guide me please!!

Timing is everything. Sounds trite, but it's the truth. Maybe another day, another time, and you and this man could have made the relationship work, but you already know, and said it all quite well yourself, that the timing was off and you already know the reasons.

 

Sometimes, it is what it is. You can't go back, you can't go forward. He's got his own demons to work through, and the big one is simply if he's ready to get himself into another relationship, and we already know the answer to that question is NO. He's not ready at all. So there's really no reason for you to obsess, quantify, qualify, too much of this, too little of that, what you did wrong, what you did right, what he didn't say or when his ex called, or what ever you want to say to fill in the blanks here, none of it mattered when it happened and none of it matters now.

 

The relationship did not and cannot work. End of obsession, okay? It's hard to say this, but he was basically using your relationship to heal from his last one, then went back to his last one, and now he's got to heal from two relationships, slow down, and assess his issues, what he wants, and how he's going to move forward when he's ready. But you know something? You need to do the same thing.

 

So don't get ahead of yourself. Get yourself some support and tackle your own issues. It does sound like you were resolved about the end of your marriage, but you didn't wait very long to attach yourself again either, so you have some recovery work to do, too. What's the rush already?

 

Relationships are not races to a finish line. They are supposed to be a beautiful process of opening up to someone, sharing, caring, cherishing, with a beautiful horizon waiting off in the distance. And that's just the beginning.

 

Stay the course, no contact with this man, you've done enough for him as it is, he needs to stand on his own two feet, and so do you. Find out how that feels; it feels pretty darn good to get your bearings. Trust me on that one. Now dry your eyes, okay? And take care.

[agirlhere]

Thank you for your responses.....Rose...you are a wise woman.

I have been reading up on LS and other places, and I know that he has issues, Oh soooo many issues. I knew that from day one, I just tried so hard to help him sort through them....because I love him so dearly.

I have this hope inside of me that we will both take some time apart, figure out our "stuff" and fall in love again one day...healthily.

Is that harmful to my healing? to hold onto this hope? because the idea of him just vanishing from my life is unbearable to me, as the friendship part of our relationship was so wonderful.

Isnt life too short to just kick people to the curb....forever? especially when we care so much about them?

His kids became a part of my life, as did mine become a part of his....it just sucks!!

[agirlhere]

Hi agirlhere, welcome to the broken-hearts club. I guess you've been reading round LS a fair bit because you've already got so many things clear in your head, even though you're asking the questions.

 

The bottom line is, neither of you were in a great place when you got together. You were more interested in commitment, but this may also have been part of the fall-out from your marriage. He had been hurt too much to contemplate a serious relationship with you.. but seemed less together than you in any case.

 

However. When he says that he can't believe what he did to you, and if he can really love you if he treats you like that - believe him. He's not behaved well towards you. I know there were good times but his behaviour was not kind, he did not consider your needs or your heart. He was sorry he hurt you, but then continued to act in an incredibly selfish way. You're trying to understand everything and you're making huge concessions to his broken state, but you still need to examine his behaviour and recognise that he wasn't that kind or good to you in the end. You can't take care of him now. You need to take care of yourself.

 

You know, deep down, that you shouldn't want a man who treats you like that. Sadly, that is the bottom line - excuses for his behaviour aside, he's not able to give you love. He will probably never be able to give you the love that you need. I don't know why it happens like this but it's not always a matter of just being in the rebound phase, although that can complicate matters. Sometimes people just aren't right for one another, they can't give you what you deserve, even if he is hypothetically healed further down the line.

 

Something has been broken between you, I'm so sorry, and I know how much it hurts when you saw potential in the match. This is the hard part now: the logical part of your brain already knows this. You already wrote it in the thread and you're trying to give yourself some healing space. But the emotional part of your brain, the part that stores memories, the part that becomes in love and attached, is still trying to catch up. It's going to take a while for you to reprogramme that part of your brain so you're going to be carrying around the awareness that he's not right for you, and the longing for him, for some time yet. It really sucks and it's really hard but eventually you have to let go and you need to make this your goal.

 

This man is not right for your future. Just hang on in there and try and heal on your own - it's really important now. Take care.

 

.... maybe I am too forgiving of him or something, because I honestly believe that when he left me for her the first time, its because he NEEDED to do that for himself, he needed closure. It hurt like hell, but I was not angry with him, I understood that in order for him to move forward, he had to do that....I guess what still hurts the most is he didnt come back to me with tears and flowers and begging me to forgive him.....he just came back...because I was there waiting. He promised me that he would make it up to me when we went back....he just never did...the second time around...it was almost like he was so afraid i was going to leave him, that he couldnt open himself up...couldnt risk being hurt (I felt that alot) that he bailed before I could hurt him. he said to me when we broke up..I need to be sure its going to last...I told him "good luck with that" noone is ever sure, it is a risk we take...a risk we have to take...

After all of this, I still have flippin hope...I want to see him healed and happy and find in his life what he so desperately needs, and has never been able to find....his marriage was horrible, and then his long term relationship prior to me was toxic....I want to help him....gawd!

[Rose T]

I have this hope inside of me that we will both take some time apart, figure out our "stuff" and fall in love again one day...healthily.

Is that harmful to my healing? to hold onto this hope? because the idea of him just vanishing from my life is unbearable to me, as the friendship part of our relationship was so wonderful.

Isnt life too short to just kick people to the curb....forever? especially when we care so much about them?

His kids became a part of my life, as did mine become a part of his....it just sucks!!

 

Listen, I'm not going to tell you not to hope. Hope is a wonderful thing and has the power to help bridge difficult moments that we can't even understand.

 

I do understand how the idea of extinguishing that hope fills you with dread. I miss my ex and his family soooo much. Sometimes them more than him, lol. We had five years together before he checked out emotionally, cheated, wavered, tried to come back, and basically forced me to be the strong one to save my sanity. He still says we could be together in the future... once he's sorted out his head.

 

All I can share with you is my own coping strategy at the moment. I know we can't be together again, the healthy and strong version of me wouldn't even want him. Still, I suffer for the loss of companionship, of dreams for our future, for good memories and all the kind things he did. None of it makes sense to me sometimes, but at the end of the day, I'm here alone, and he aint here.

 

Sometimes you need that hope, in the dark moments, but then it becomes a coping tool, not a healing one.

 

.... maybe I am too forgiving of him or something, because I honestly believe that when he left me for her the first time, its because he NEEDED to do that for himself, he needed closure. It hurt like hell, but I was not angry with him, I understood that in order for him to move forward, he had to do that....I guess what still hurts the most is he didnt come back to me with tears and flowers and begging me to forgive him.....he just came back...because I was there waiting. He promised me that he would make it up to me when we went back....he just never did...the second time around...it was almost like he was so afraid i was going to leave him, that he couldnt open himself up...couldnt risk being hurt (I felt that alot) that he bailed before I could hurt him. he said to me when we broke up..I need to be sure its going to last...I told him "good luck with that" noone is ever sure, it is a risk we take...a risk we have to take...

After all of this, I still have flippin hope...I want to see him healed and happy and find in his life what he so desperately needs, and has never been able to find....his marriage was horrible, and then his long term relationship prior to me was toxic....I want to help him....gawd!

 

I know you want to help him but you have to stop now. It's time to help yourself. I'm probably repeating myself now but this is so important. Sometimes, it's easier to look at the people around us and try to fix them, rather than looking into the mirror and trying to fix yourself. It's scary, but until you take that on board, and until you look deep inside yourself and work through anything left over from your marriage, as well as the issues this last relationship have created, you won't be in a good place for future relationships. Above all, you have to learn to be truly happy with the person you are, so you can expect and enjoy the best possible treatment from partners in the future.

 

I'm sure you've heard this a million times, but just think about it. Would you like to be in a relationship with yourself at the moment? What are your best qualities and what could be improved? You have to stop focussing on him. If you can turn the focus back on you I really believe you'll find the answers you're looking for and eventually everything will work out. Stop driving yourself mad looking into his black hole and trying to patch it up because you can't do anything for him now. You really have to start caring for yourself. Sorry if I'm rambling because I'm a bit tired but I hope this makes sense.

[agirlhere]

Rose, you make perfect sense. I know your advice is right on the mark. I cannot be looking toward him for my happiness, I have to find that within myself....its hard when my mind is literally consumed with him at times.

I also know that I cannot "fix" him, only he can do that ...I guess Im just a tiny bit afraid he wont, or wont know how without Ms. fix-it around

thank you for being there...its so very helpful

[agirlhere]

Timing is everything. Sounds trite, but it's the truth. Maybe another day, another time, and you and this man could have made the relationship work, but you already know, and said it all quite well yourself, that the timing was off and you already know the reasons.

 

Sometimes, it is what it is. You can't go back, you can't go forward. He's got his own demons to work through, and the big one is simply if he's ready to get himself into another relationship, and we already know the answer to that question is NO. He's not ready at all. So there's really no reason for you to obsess, quantify, qualify, too much of this, too little of that, what you did wrong, what you did right, what he didn't say or when his ex called, or what ever you want to say to fill in the blanks here, none of it mattered when it happened and none of it matters now.

 

The relationship did not and cannot work. End of obsession, okay? It's hard to say this, but he was basically using your relationship to heal from his last one, then went back to his last one, and now he's got to heal from two relationships, slow down, and assess his issues, what he wants, and how he's going to move forward when he's ready. But you know something? You need to do the same thing.

 

So don't get ahead of yourself. Get yourself some support and tackle your own issues. It does sound like you were resolved about the end of your marriage, but you didn't wait very long to attach yourself again either, so you have some recovery work to do, too. What's the rush already?

 

Relationships are not races to a finish line. They are supposed to be a beautiful process of opening up to someone, sharing, caring, cherishing, with a beautiful horizon waiting off in the distance. And that's just the beginning.

 

Stay the course, no contact with this man, you've done enough for him as it is, he needs to stand on his own two feet, and so do you. Find out how that feels; it feels pretty darn good to get your bearings. Trust me on that one. Now dry your eyes, okay? And take care.

 

Thank you!

The advice I have been given is so true, and I KNOW IT, inside myself already...but Ill tell ya, once that little obsession devil sinks his teeth in...its flippin hard to shake him off...being rejected and unable to fix that....is one cruel/heartwrenching feeling!!

Moving on is hard because...as much as I know I should, and have to for myself...I almost feel like Im giving up...does that sound silly?

[Graceful]

Thank you!

The advice I have been given is so true, and I KNOW IT, inside myself already...but Ill tell ya, once that little obsession devil sinks his teeth in...its flippin hard to shake him off...being rejected and unable to fix that....is one cruel/heartwrenching feeling!!

Moving on is hard because...as much as I know I should, and have to for myself...I almost feel like Im giving up...does that sound silly?

No, it does not sound silly at all. But what are you giving up on exactly? I don't see it that way at all. The relationship ran its course, and now you and your ex are on separate paths. You are both going forward, hopefully. You still care for him and wish him the best. How is that giving up?

 

When you think positively, and when you pray (if you believe in prayer), or if you are asking for any type of guidance or to keep hope alive, the way you need to look at it is to hope for the best. Hope for the most healthy, happy outcome for both you and your ex. Ask to be shown the path and when you find it, you will follow it, so that you will be heading into a healthy, happy life.

 

You have children, right? So, isn't that what you'd tell them? To be positive, and hopeful is the best way to get through life, but you also need to work on yourself to keep hope in your life. There are no free rides. And again, never ask or hope for a specific outcome. Ask and seek the very best outcome for the happiness of you and your children and for your ex and his children. If that means you might be together some day, perhaps that is true. But if the most happy path will not lead you and your ex back together, then the new path will be the better outcome for you. No crystal balls, we all have to move forward and work toward our own path to happiness, not being sure when, how, or who will be in our lives at any given time.

 

That way of thinking will be more comforting to you, and is the more true, honest and more realistic way to go forward. And it has nothing to do with giving up on anything or anyone, if you see what I mean.

[lovnlost]

You have asked the questions that I have been feeling since day one about a month ago. I have been asking myself this over and over and over again until I am sick. I have not posted such honesty on here because I was still trying to figure out other "why's" as so much has gone unanswered for me. But you and I....are truly one in the same in how we feel in the aftermath. Our situations....seem nearly identical. However...I am a male. Stay strong....your courage to post such truth and honesty here is a testament to your abilities to overcome and get through. And such honesty and vulnerability is such a noble quality. Don't ever lose that! I wish you the very best....and I pray for the healing of your heart.

[agirlhere]

You have asked the questions that I have been feeling since day one about a month ago. I have been asking myself this over and over and over again until I am sick. I have not posted such honesty on here because I was still trying to figure out other "why's" as so much has gone unanswered for me. But you and I....are truly one in the same in how we feel in the aftermath. Our situations....seem nearly identical. However...I am a male. Stay strong....your courage to post such truth and honesty here is a testament to your abilities to overcome and get through. And such honesty and vulnerability is such a noble quality. Don't ever lose that! I wish you the very best....and I pray for the healing of your heart.

 

Perhaps we could talk sometime...messenger or something?

Perhaps I f I cant fix him...i could fix you???? (kidding)

We could maybe help each other

Let me know what you think

[agirlhere]

No, it does not sound silly at all. But what are you giving up on exactly? I don't see it that way at all. The relationship ran its course, and now you and your ex are on separate paths. You are both going forward, hopefully. You still care for him and wish him the best. How is that giving up?

 

When you think positively, and when you pray (if you believe in prayer), or if you are asking for any type of guidance or to keep hope alive, the way you need to look at it is to hope for the best. Hope for the most healthy, happy outcome for both you and your ex. Ask to be shown the path and when you find it, you will follow it, so that you will be heading into a healthy, happy life.

 

You have children, right? So, isn't that what you'd tell them? To be positive, and hopeful is the best way to get through life, but you also need to work on yourself to keep hope in your life. There are no free rides. And again, never ask or hope for a specific outcome. Ask and seek the very best outcome for the happiness of you and your children and for your ex and his children. If that means you might be together some day, perhaps that is true. But if the most happy path will not lead you and your ex back together, then the new path will be the better outcome for you. No crystal balls, we all have to move forward and work toward our own path to happiness, not being sure when, how, or who will be in our lives at any given time.

 

That way of thinking will be more comforting to you, and is the more true, honest and more realistic way to go forward. And it has nothing to do with giving up on anything or anyone, if you see what I mean.

 

Thank you!

Your post was very comforting. I am in a great place tonight! I was having a horrible day, wallowing in the thoughts about why, what if, all of that....when I said to myself....those thoughts are a choice you are making for yourself....choose different thoughts woman!

Positive self talk!!! There may be days Ill be positive self talking to myself for most of the hours Im awake....but there will also be days where I just AM positive, and they will become more...I know that.

I am not going away tho YET....you guys are a blessing and I still need you!

[lovnlost]

Perhaps we could talk sometime...messenger or something?

Perhaps I f I cant fix him...i could fix you???? (kidding)

We could maybe help each other

Let me know what you think

 

I apologize...but I have not checked back with this for a bit....been hard the last few days....specifically today as old feelings and memories wash over me like waves. Yes....we can message each other and I would enjoy talking with you.