gamesetmatch Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Hi all, I'm new to this forum and am looking for someone who can understand and council me on my dilemma without judging me. I have been with my current girlfriend for over 3 years now and we met through work and still work together. Our relationship has been wonderful for the most part however I will have to say that I'm not physically attracted to her and would also have to say that I really never was from the onset. She is a wonderful woman and eventhough I can honestly say I love her, it's only to a point and I'm not in love with her in this sense because I can never want to be intimate with her no matter how hard I try. Over the course of the past 4 or 5 months I became close with another woman with whom I work. (Yeah, I know) To make things worse, she's been married for several years and has 2 children. She is somewhat unhappy with her marriage as she married very early and is still young, but yet is content enough to stay put because he does provide and make her feel secure however lacks in many of the loving ways she desires. We both agreed to see each other and have an affair behind the scenes and were well aware and comfortable that we were both taken and that it may never prosper into a true relationship. Over a short time, things became hot and heavy however the both of us came to have strong feelings for one another and eventhough we were not together or planning on leaving our current situations, we fell in love. To me, she is the most beautiful, energetic and free spirited woman I've ever met and we would talk as much as possible and secretly get together when time permitted. Over the past couple of months my secret love grew apart from me as she said we didn't have a connection and claims that she felt bad at times because of her marriage. I understood this and was willing to be patient and try to just be there for her but we would at least still kiss and see each other when we could. It started to drift and she on occasion would warn me that it would drift and it would be "best if we ended it". However, she would never just leave me and we were still intimate. The lack of attention and interest she gave me from this moment on was apparent and I wanted to do anything to get it back but she still was willing to kiss and be intimate however it seemed she wanted to take it slow which meant everytime I tried to bring up sex or make her hot, which never used to be a problem, she now would back off completely. Due to her withdrawal from me, I started to act very needy and desperate with her and it seemed that I was nothing but a glorified friend with whom she would kiss romantically. Every week it seemed I would lose it and go crazy to a point I would say or do something to piss her off and keep her further away from me. Recently we had a huge fight and at the very moment I made it clear for the first time that I no longer wanted to talk to her (which of course was a lie) and said some things that really pushed her buttons , she all of the sudden came to life and apparently a surge of emotions wept over her about her love for me and she, well attacked me in a good way. Since that day, things have gotten better but there still is a level of withdrawal from her. A few days ago, I got frustrated yet again and said something extremely offensive out of anger and she is furious with me to say the least. She hasn't said we're through, but yet she may be the type where actions speak much louder than words. Over the past few days, she won't talk to me at work whatsoever and no longer calls me or responds to my texts as we used to talk regularly. As wrong as this whole scenario may be, she is so wonderful and beautiful that I need her in my life and never want to lose her eventhough I know someday it will of course most likely happen, just not yet. What makes things so very difficult is that since we work together, I have to see her everyday and it's tough. I'm not in any position where I can quit my job so I'm forced to stick it out. To add to the suffering, my gf works with us and the two of them practically sit right next to the other and are becoming friends as they talk and share laughs and I can hear the conversations from close by. I'm not worried about things getting out in the open as I know she would never do that because she would stand a lot to lose. Nonetheless, it's frustrating to have to be in that sort of environment and I'm a mess. My gf is so easy to please and I can say with minimum effort I can keep her happy. It's my lover I want and I need advice on how to rekindle the magic, or at least at a bare minimum some of it. She won't talk to me it seems and I know she has or at least until recently has always had strong feelings for me. As hard as it may be, I know the right thing may be to break off contact as it may help me in the long run in the hope that she'll miss me and come back, but I don't know what else to do. I love her so very much and I just want "us" back. I've been a mess since her initial withdrawal from me. I've found the most basic things in life challenging and I think about her to no end. I know my gf is the one that I need to work on, but I doubt that's fixable for obvious reasons with or without my lover. I don't know if it will ever be due to the fact that I am just not attracted to her. Things would be simpler if we didn't all work together, I'm scared what I've gotten myself into and don't know how to gain my confidence and happiness back especially in this type of environment. My lover is a very happy person as she is always smiling and actively talking to all as this is her nature. She draws the comparison to the popular girl in school who gets all the guy's attention. I'm more of the quiet, reticent type and tend to be a bit of a loner. Please someone who can understand what I'm going through, help! I know this is all wrong and I expect most to have the attitude of "what goes around comes around", but I do love this woman and want her back anyway I can. Please see past the glaring awfulness of this and anyone who can advise me on what to do to have the best chance of being with her again at least for awhile no matter how wrong it is for both myself and her would be much appreciated. Thanks.
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Over a short time, things became hot and heavy however the both of us came to have strong feelings for one another and eventhough we were not together or planning on leaving our current situations, But.. I have been with my current girlfriend for over 3 years now and we met through work and still work together. Our relationship has been wonderful for the most part however I will have to say that I'm not physically attracted to her and would also have to say that I really never was from the onset. She is a wonderful woman and eventhough I can honestly say I love her, it's only to a point and I'm not in love with her in this sense because I can never want to be intimate with her no matter how hard I try. Since it seems you're not attracted to your girlfriend, you love her but not inlove, why on earth have you wasted 3 years of this girls life if you're not inlove with her? I'm not judging, I'm asking a question..A fair question. So you're saying for 3 years your sex life hasn't been good with your gf, nor do you love her in the way a boyfriend is supposed to love her? That's your first issue that needs to be sorted out before anything else. Please, be fair, even if it hurts your gf, end it with her. SHE deserves to be with someone who will adore and love her, find her sexy and desirable. As for the MW, well, you're asking for trouble and going to get hurt. You're helping this woman cheat on her husband and betray her family unit. It's an affair. to you it's more but to her, it's an affair. She has a life built with someone else and sorry to tell you this, you have been her side dish/ego feed and someone to make her feel better, someone to give her passion again. That isn't love, it's lust and it's selfish. She is hurting you. And you are hurting your gf (though she's unaware of your cheating).. Anyway, affairs are messy things and everybody gets hurt. You know she's married and capable of lying, and deceiving.. Look how she is treating her H, the father of her own kids! Don't fool yourself into thinking she wouldn't ever lie or omit truths from you.. Or exaggerate things to make herself look better and put her H down. Man, you gotta end it with your girlfriend since you don't love her. Let her go so she can grieve and get over you, find someone else she can be with. It's the right thing to do.
jnj express Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 To everyone out here on this site---read--"puzzlepiece story", and read this story---they seem to be exactly the same just from the male side---I am wondering if someone isn't playing games with us
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 To everyone out here on this site---read--"puzzlepiece story", and read this story---they seem to be exactly the same just from the male side---I am wondering if someone isn't playing games with us I think you're right. Even more so when you look at the usernames.
BlackHole Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 most of the posts are fake or trolls or games. any first time poster that uses correct grammar and type out many paragraphs is suspect
ComputerJock Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Simple solution, just tell her husband you've been porking his wife. He will dumb her and you two can be happy together.
Jonah Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 To everyone out here on this site---read--"puzzlepiece story", and read this story---they seem to be exactly the same just from the male side---I am wondering if someone isn't playing games with us A Possibility, but my call is that whoever is posting this is trying to figure something out.. Or just get something out by writing it down. Dis puzzlepiece reply do any of our replies? Its all fun either way. I can forget about my problems while addressing others problems - real or imaginary!
Jonah Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Ok now you have learned not to be so clingy with a married women. At their time, when they want to, enjoy the ride, sleep with one eye open, and always be pack'in.
summerdowling87 Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Simple solution, just tell her husband you've been porking his wife. He will dumb her and you two can be happy together. I agree he may get his butt kicked-(if this is real)-it will surly free the both of them up to be with each other as well.
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