April63 Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 I have been married for 22 years, have two kids, aged 18 and 16. My H has always been fooling around with women all his life, there may be a couple that I didnt know of but two of them were serious enough to last a couple of years. The last A is still ongoing for 6 years now. He claims that he has finally found his soul mate and will never leave her no matter what. at the same time he also does not seem to care if I leave him because I have given him ultimatum that I would leave if he didnt end the A. I recently found out that he's been having sex with her all over the place, in the car whenever they go out or spend weekends at hotel or overseas whenever he travels to the country where she lives. he has on many occasions brought her back to my country, whenever he doesnt need to travel. She does not work. although our sex life has not diminished, but why cant he be satisfied with me alone since i am giving him sex regularly at home. I am sure he lies to her just as much as he does to me. i am in a dilemma whether to end this M and move out. I have a good career and am financially independent. The OW happens to be a divorcee with no kids, the thing is, she sounds like a nice person but fell hopelessly in love with my H after he pursued her. i have many a times confronted her to leave my H alone but she claims that it is my H who could not let go. All she could say was sorry. She has never been rude to me although I have shouted at her and called her a bitch. I do not blame the OW but my H. He has been doing this to me throughout our M and i cant help feeling he will also leave the OW and go after a new one. I am suspecting that he already has someone new in one other country that he travels to although i am still trying to confirm that. I am thinking of contacting the OW again, to clarify all i need to know about what he's been doing behind my back, what he does to her, and at the same time warn her that she may not be the last. I feel sorry for the OW actually because I can sense that his interest in her is diminishing. the tell tale signs are he does not go out as often when he's back, he doesnt carry his phone with him 24/7 when he's home, etc. Although I loathe my H now, I am not willing to leave the M for the sake of the kids. i cant possibly love him anymore but staying for the sake of the kids and facing this man is torture to me. I only want his money for the kids' future. despite all his wrongdoings, he still takes care of the family, brings us for holidays and etc. Should i confront the OW to know more details? i dont know why I need to do this but I am thinking to gather enough courage and solid evidence, hopefully to push myself to divorce him. i am going insane with such thoughts. i really do not know what i want anymore. any advice?
Carrot2000 Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 More evidence? You have all the evidence you need! All you need to do is is get some courage and a good attorney to end this marriage.
ComputerJock Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 You are teaching you kids that marriage vows mean nothing, that it is okay to cheat because your husband is not paying any price for his cheating. When your kids marry and cheat, you will be to blame. Stand up and show them that cheating is wrong and the cheater has to pay for their actions.
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Although I loathe my H now, I am not willing to leave the M for the sake of the kids. i cant possibly love him anymore but staying for the sake of the kids and facing this man is torture to me. I only want his money for the kids' future. despite all his wrongdoings, he still takes care of the family, brings us for holidays and etc. So, you're willing to teach your kids what marriage is by hating their father, to keep the family together under one roof, have his money and still take care of you all, and spends holidays together? Sorry, this is messed up thinking. IF you stay married, do counselling with him. You try your best to make the marriage work for the kids sake. If it doesn't work, you divorce. You get joint custody. You work WITH him as co parents and you still get child support money and spousal support too. You may even get the house, depending on the settlement. You can still spend holidays together with him as a family but as co parents, not as husband and wife. Please get some counselling in for yourself, someone to talk to and guide you through this.
BlackHole Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 did you re-read your post. everything you need is right there. leave
kuma Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 I agree with everyone's comments. Go see a lawyer tomorrow. You should also get tested for STDs.
Hazyhead Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Hi April. I hope you don't mind me chipping in, as fOW. Your husband sounds very much like the MM I was in an affair with. He yo-yo's between you to suit suit himself because he can - you are both still there for him. The behaviour you are tormented by is his. The decisions that have affected your marriage are his. Sure, his OW allows him them, but the pain you feel comes from him. I'm sorry, but I think that he will behave like this in the future too and it's not even necessarily about her - it could have been anyone. And could be anyone in the future. If you confront her and she confirms all of your worries, then what? Is what you do know not enough for you to see that he does not respect you in the way you deserve. Do you want a lifetime of this? I'm sorry if me posting crosses the line but now that I'm out of the situation - and never will be back, there's this part of me that wishes his wife would see him for who he truly is - a serial, sefish, lying cheater. In their sitch she deserves better too. I hope you find your peace.
Linda9999 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 You are teaching you kids that marriage vows mean nothing, that it is okay to cheat because your husband is not paying any price for his cheating. When your kids marry and cheat, you will be to blame. Stand up and show them that cheating is wrong and the cheater has to pay for their actions. This. I have three kids ages 17, 19 and 21, and when I found out what my husband was up to I kicked his ass right out. The kids are plenty old enough to handle it if you split up - you may very well be surprised at their reactions.
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