Not sure how to start conv. with women, not getting lot of interest from them @ clubs

[howtodate]

I really need help with this. It is really hard for me to explain. It seems like when I got out to a club or what not no women really go out of their way to show interest or maybe I am not receptive to it. I don't really strike up conversations because I am kind of shy and a more guarded person. I really don't know what to say to someone unless there is a purpose for the conversation.

 

So I was really getting disappointed because no women were showing blatant interest in me. I am not sure if they normally do or not. I really don't know what normal interest is because my last GF told me she wanted to date me and that was it and the same for my other gf.

 

For a little while I was worried it was how I looked or something so I took a pic of myself and post it on an online dating site and got a lot of responses and women actually telling me they couldn't believe I was single. Many have told me I am attractive so I am guessing that isn't it. Good looking women too. I went on a few dates and everything went fine and they wanted to go out again but I wasn't really interested in them for different reasons.

 

All my past relationships (one was 7 years and other 3 years) were all initated by the women.

 

What am I doing wrong and do I need to be more outgoing? If so what do I go up to her and say? Am I getting interest and just not seeing it? I think I give off a little of a not interested vibe and I don't want to but I don't want to be the jerk who is on any women on the dance floor. Any help would be really appreciated. Do women need you to show interest in them before they reciprocate? I really could use some help on this. Thanks.

[fishtaco]

If all your past relationships were initiated by women, then I believe you've just used up all your luck.

 

Most of my past relationships were initiated by me. Normally that's how it goes. Women rarely initiate.

 

You need to be more outgoing, you need to hit on women even when they're not "blatantly" showing interest in you... that just doesn't happen very often.

 

Best way is to get a wingman. What the wingman does is he helps you not be obvious. Yeah, strange isn't it. If a woman feels like you're out on the prowl, her guard will be up, even if she thinks you're cute AND she's looking as well. So you have to pretend you're not. So a wingman provides these services:

 

1) Make it look like you're just there hanging out and not obviously on the prowl.

2) Actually hang out and have a good time. Because if nothing happens (and many times nothing will happen), at least you hung out with your bud and had a blast.

3) Rescue you. When you bomb out (which will happen a lot), he'll waltz in and take you away from the situation.

4) Help you socialize. When you are chatting up a girl, it's easier when your buddy is around, because two minds are better than one. If the conversation grows stale, he could jump in with something to keep the flow. Plus since you two know each other, it's a lot easier to do like a call & response thing between you two, and keep the ladies entertained, when you run out of things to talk to the girls directly.

5) Know when to get out of the way and give you private time with the chick.

 

It is a service. So usually you just hang out, and when you spot a target, decide who to approach and who's going to be the wingman. So it does take compatibility, because you could end up fighting over the same woman.

 

And even better than a wingman, is a wingwoman. Women like men with other women around them in an ambiguous manner. So having a woman hanging out with you will immediately get you more attention from the ladies. If she actually knows wingwoman techniques, she can actually go chat up women (and their guards will be down, because she's a woman), and break the ice for you.

[Cee]

I've posted on LS about dating via clubs and what's important is that if you go that route, you understand the scene. Relationships emerge in club culture often through meeting friends of friends at clubs. I know people who met and got together at a club, but there was an initial reason for them to talk - mutual friends.

 

Listen to fishtaco, go with people to the clubs, especially women. Bring as many women as possible out with you. It will help you get in the clubs and will ease conversation. Dancing in groups of four is a great way to dance with strangers because it's "safer" and more relaxed.

 

Try to befriend DJs at clubs. They have large entourages and will introduce you around and then you'll feel more at home. I've had some success dating friends of DJs that I meet at clubs.

 

And remember, clubs are to dance and have fun and just maybe, magic will happen. But it's rare to have an authentic connection at a club, but who cares, doing crazy dancing with a bunch of strangers can be cool too.

[howtodate]

Great responses. Thanks. I appreciate it.

[East7]

All my past relationships (one was 7 years and other 3 years) were all initated by the women.

 

What am I doing wrong and do I need to be more outgoing? If so what do I go up to her and say? Am I getting interest and just not seeing it? I think I give off a little of a not interested vibe and I don't want to but I don't want to be the jerk who is on any women on the dance floor. Any help would be really appreciated. Do women need you to show interest in them before they reciprocate? I really could use some help on this. Thanks.

 

If you had past long-lasting relationships that must a source of self-confidence. You are able to be a good partner and to keep a woman for years.

 

In my experience when it comes to picking women in bars and crowded places, the harder you try, the less you are successful ! These are not the best places to meet someone as it is like a fair, everyone is looking at everyone, people are distracted. You need to go with the idea to have fun and enjoy yourself rather than putting yourself pressure to meeting women.

Nevertheless, the best policy for someone who is shy is to wait for a woman to show signs of interest like repeated eye-contact, smile and other body language. But if she does so, you need to take your courage and go just say hi, behave like you are meeting a friend. A woman who is interested will always welcome your contact and will help you to keep the conversation.

[phineas]

honestly, don't date club rats.

Unless your cool with your girl grinding her backside on another man's crotch every weekend.