lovesparis Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 bf broke up with me in jan. suddenly. he apparently wanted to reconcile with his ex wife. i've missed him like crazy. when we broke up i told him if he decided what he wanted he should call me. he didn't. eventually i started dating again. i met a very, very nice guy.. but wasn't sure where we stood/what he wanted. i had another date last night, that went well. today i wake up to an email from the exbf ending with something like "if you still want to talk to me." i do... i miss him. i want to know what happened. at the same time, i want him to know how hurt and angry i am. i want to respond snarkily and mean... i've decided i'm going to sit on it for a couple days and not respond right away. what should i say?
westrock Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 "if you still want to talk to me." For what purpose? what should i say? Nothing. i want to know what happened. You already know what happened. He said he wanted to reconcile with his ex wife. It's painful to hear that because you didn't do anything "wrong" and were probably blindsided by his actions, but knowing anything more will not help. at the same time, i want him to know how hurt and angry i am. i want to respond snarkily and mean... Where is that going to get you? i met a very, very nice guy.. but wasn't sure where we stood/what he wanted. i had another date last night, that went well. From all the turmoil your ex put you through, it seems that there is something good that came of it, you finding a "very, very nice guy".... you seem to have found what a lot of women are looking for. Focus your energy on your new guy rather than your ex.
2010_Sorry Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 I agree with westrock. I would be concerned that you want to tell the exbf of your pain and hurt from the breakup. That leads me to believe that you are not 100% over the relationship (sometimes these things really do take time). Be careful with the new nice guy... take things slowly and focus ALL of your attention on him, not the ex.
TakeMeasIam Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 (.....) what should i say? If you really must say anything, tell him to phukck off. Other than that - and preferably - Nothing.
MidnightinMadrid Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 For what purpose? You already know what happened. He said he wanted to reconcile with his ex wife. It's painful to hear that because you didn't do anything "wrong" and were probably blindsided by his actions, but knowing anything more will not help. "Where is that going to get you?" I too would like to tell him about himself when he makes contact,and the response is right,where will that get me. Men,or people know when they are being rotten,oviously his wifey didnt want him back,now youre plan B. I say make him wait and wait and wait till you dont want him anymore. Easier said than done,but it can happen.
MidnightinMadrid Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Nice avatar Takemeasiam! love that snoopy!
Author lovesparis Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 you bring some important points to the table. thank you
Jdw_Icequeen Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 My advice is a bit diffrent then everyone else's.. It sounds to me like you still feel the need for closure and there is nothing wrong with that. My suggestion reply, be snarky be horribly tactful.. Simply state your feelings to him on what he did to you and its unacceptable.. You have had time to grow change and move on state that aswell. Might even want to throw in your dating again and have found a "nice guy" then tell him good luck with you and your life and you hope he is happy or finds true happiness, because you know you will.. Then fare thee well so they say. Avoid any questions, don't ask if him and ex are still together NO questions about him or his life. He might still reply maybe even apologize who knows. This is just what I would do in your shoes. Assuming you havent spoken to him in the last few months. Other then that I see nothing to say to him. There is nothing to say to him. Other then to get this off your chest. So your not sending this to him hoping to talk again but only for closure. If you can do that, then I say go for it.. If you are hoping to start talking again I wouldn't go down that road. In that case ignore him. I definetly agree with you on waiting a few days to decide. Good luck to you and God bless.
ReturnToSender Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 I agree its best not to say anything at all, but can understand wanting to reply too. If you do take icequeens advice, Ill add in to say keep it as short as possible. Like no more tha one or two sentences. That way he will not get the impression you put much thought into the message, and didnt have time to say much...cause you are busy with the life you went on to have without him and all. Which probably would be best proven by not responding at all but...yannow, if you must, keep it short. LIke sms 160 character short.
TakeMeasIam Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 I.....keep it as short as possible. Like no more tha one or two sentences. That way he will not get the impression you put much thought into the message, ......if you must, keep it short. LIke sms 160 character short. keeping it short takes more thought, not less. we're all apt to think of 1000 different things we want to really say, but 999 of therm are generally very unwise.... Keeping things short takes enormous discipline and self-knowledge. The shorter the better. Like I said - a simple *expletive deleted* - or - nothing at all.
Jdw_Icequeen Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 I agree with returntosender.. Maybe not one or 2 sentences that will accomplish nothing.. I had my closure on more then one occasion infact I was pretty untactful and just a full out bitch.. This I was fine with I could careless how he felt about it just like he didn't care when he walked out. If you really do find anything to say to him that you feel you need to say. Remember the end result and thats your just looking for closure and this should be you saying good bye.
ReturnToSender Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 keeping it short takes more thought, not less. we're all apt to think of 1000 different things we want to really say, but 999 of therm are generally very unwise.... Keeping things short takes enormous discipline and self-knowledge. The shorter the better. Like I said - a simple *expletive deleted* - or - nothing at all. Well yeah, you know that and I know that...but he doesnt have to know that. Its waaay easier to write a 3 page dissertation on why we feel the way we do than it is to sum it up in a sentence or two... but from his end...such a curt reply will not exactly put a bounce in his step. Thats what I meant...not that it takes less thought, but that its better not to give him the impression that he was worth the time it takes to write a thoughtfully written email.
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