loveforever Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 After finalizing the divorce my ex-husband said he does love me, doesn't want me to move out and he wants to see what the next weeks/months bring.....see my loooooong crazy weird story in my signature..... Now we're getting along very well....one incident last Saturday but we seem to be ok again.....but mostly nice and sometimes even flirty with each other.... I believe that he is not 100% invested in the reconciliation process yet and so I was wondering if I'm just too impatient or what.... He proposed divorce Labor Day weekend 2010, divorce was final early January 2011, on January 9th he told me he loves me and wants to see about the future..... As I said, we get along very well, we are flirty with each other sometimes, but we haven't kissed yet (no peck, no more intimate kiss) and he hasn't told me "I love you" again.....we don't hold hands or hug either I am not sure if he feels like I should initiate it since he was the one who said he doesn't love me anymore ??? He said to me that he understands if I don't want to have sex anymore because of all of the divorce mess and he doesn't initiate it anymore (except on Thursday night when he was buzzed ) ....but when I initiate it he enjoys it..... Do you think it's the same with kissing, hugging and I love you's ???? I am too scared to just plant one on him and him rejecting me..... Anyone have experience with this ??? How long did it take you guys before you were back to normal couples stuff ????
TaraMaiden Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Jut tried to read your signature link, and frankly, lost the will to live. You're divorced. Time to go your separate ways. Just be two people who happen to have kids together. Start a new life, and let your ex- be. Don't touch it with a bargepole.
Author loveforever Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 Jut tried to read your signature link, and frankly, lost the will to live. That made me laugh..... ....I know it's long..... You're divorced. Time to go your separate ways. Just be two people who happen to have kids together. Start a new life, and let your ex- be. Don't touch it with a bargepole. Well....I know he still has love for me and I love him more than anything..... Honestly.....I don't want to give up yet.... People are getting divorced out of a spur of the moment decision....it feels right at the moment, but after cooling off one might re-evaluate.... Here in TX it's way to easy to get a divorce fast..... If I would have signed the papers right away we could have been divorced in a heartbeat.... I don't think just because we are divorced I should give up on him quite yet, especially after he told me he does love me.... I am trying to detach a bit by following the "Bitch Bible".....if he decides he can't revive his feelings 100% then I will have to let go....but since there is still hope I sure as hell will try my best to make him love me again like he did before.... I'm just getting a bit impatient I guess..... And I'm also not sure if I should initiate more in the process ?!?!?
TaraMaiden Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 I'm just getting a bit impatient I guess..... Well....I know he still has love for me and I love him more than anything..... Then why get divorced? isn't that a little bit drastic? Honestly.....I don't want to give up yet.... Divorce means giving up. If you hadn't wanted to give up, you should have had a trial separation first. People are getting divorced out of a spur of the moment decision....it feels right at the moment, but after cooling off one might re-evaluate.... I personally don't know of any person who's got divorced and regretted it. The only people I know going for divorce and regretted it - didn't get divorced. What were you both trying to achieve by divorcing, exactly? Here in TX it's way to easy to get a divorce fast..... If I would have signed the papers right away we could have been divorced in a heartbeat.... Why did you agree to sign them at all, if you felt this way about him - and he about you? I don't think just because we are divorced I should give up on him quite yet, especially after he told me he does love me.... so would you marry him now, if he asked you? I am trying to detach a bit by following the "Bitch Bible".....if he decides he can't revive his feelings 100% then I will have to let go....but since there is still hope I sure as hell will try my best to make him love me again like he did before.... Oh I see....let's play mind games and mess this about a bit more and complicate things no end by sending mixed messages. That's a really good way of clearing the air and trying to get things on an even footing. Way to go.... And I'm also not sure if I should initiate more in the process ?!?!? How about - "I love you, I think this divorce was a mistake, how about we both go to MC and IC and try to work this out in a more mature and adult fashion? After all, we have kids together, and we owe it to them to show them that marriages don't have to be complete and total PHUKUPS!!"
Author loveforever Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 Then why get divorced? isn't that a little bit drastic? I didn't have much of a choice....you can divorce someone whether they like it or not.... Divorce means giving up. If you hadn't wanted to give up, you should have had a trial separation first. Trust me, I begged him for that but he wasn't having it.... I personally don't know of any person who's got divorced and regretted it. The only people I know going for divorce and regretted it - didn't get divorced. What were you both trying to achieve by divorcing, exactly? Just because you don't know any doesn't mean that there aren't any, right !?!?! He was trying to get me to wake up and make the changes that were long overdue..... I don't justify this in any way...but that's what he thought was the right thing to do..... Why did you agree to sign them at all, if you felt this way about him - and he about you? I signed because I just found out he was in contact with his ex-friend/hookup from junior high.....including half nude pics.... I was pissed and since he was dead set on divorcing me I didn't see a chance for us at that moment.....spur of the moment thing, you know.... I didn't know he still loves me....he told me after the final papers came.... so would you marry him now, if he asked you? In a heartbeat !!!!! Oh I see....let's play mind games and mess this about a bit more and complicate things no end by sending mixed messages. That's a really good way of clearing the air and trying to get things on an even footing. Way to go.... You don't know what the "Bitch Bible" is at all... It's not about playing mind games.....it's about finding yourself again..... A lot of women give up themselves once they're in a relationship and I want to say in a marriage even more..... This book reminds you of how you attracted him and gives you a little insight of the male mind !!!! It's not about changing who you are but about finding yourself again..... If you are faking it you will not be able to attract him....men are a bit smarter than this....and if not....eventually they will realize it when you go back to your old ways..... How about - "I love you, I think this divorce was a mistake, how about we both go to MC and IC and try to work this out in a more mature and adult fashion? After all, we have kids together, and we owe it to them to show them that marriages don't have to be complete and total PHUKUPS!!" See, I don't know if it's too early for this....that's my dilemma.... And again....should I really take the first step ??? Not that I wouldn't, but it was he who broke it off with me....
TaraMaiden Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Decisions made from an emotional base are invariably the wrong ones. Decisions made from a base of logic, and rational level-headed reasoning are invariably right. You used your heart when you signed the papers. That should be proof enough that what I advise is 100% right. If you want to make a decision, use your head, not your heart.
Author loveforever Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Decisions made from an emotional base are invariably the wrong ones. Decisions made from a base of logic, and rational level-headed reasoning are invariably right. I agree wholeheartedly.....100% !!!!!! You used your heart when you signed the papers. Unfortunately I did....maybe I would be in a different place if I would have fought a bit more.... According to the "Bitch Bible" I probably could have avoided this if I would have just shown backbone.... But....on the other hand....backbone would have meant, take my kids and move out.... This would have been impossible because of my bad financial situation.....so....either way..... That should be proof enough that what I advise is 100% right. And that advice was to ask him about MC and stuff, right ??? One thing I know is he'd never agree to counseling....he didn't before and he wouldn't now..... I still think it's too early to question him about our situation because I haven't been very lovable lately and I have to show him the new and improved loveforever..... He has to see what he's going to be with for a little while first...if I'd ask him now, he'd say "No, I don't want to be together".....I know it !!!!! If you want to make a decision, use your head, not your heart. Most definitely....I agree.....but we're human and humans make mistakes....
TaraMaiden Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 To be Human should be a priviledge, not an excuse. Stupidity is an abuse of that privilege. Do you think you deserve a second chance after such long and prolonged insane behaviour? you two may love one another. Are you actually good for each other? Doesn't sound like it.
MsLovely23 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 im new to this whole thing but i felt maybe someone could give me some advice. i have been with my boyfriend for five years we have one daughter and recently just had our son, i found out he cheated the whole five years we was together unprotected gave me two stds and just did me dirty. im truely hurt devestated but i love this man we live together and honestly he trying to change now once everything hit the fan he realize what he could loose.i i found everything out last years in october but i have yet to deal with it i just recently lost my sister when i found out he was cheating on me. he was two damn busy ****ing all these women then being there for me when i truely needed him. our son is only a week old and our daughter going on 3. does anybody think our relationship worth saving he is trying to change now but sometimes i honestly feel its to late im too far gone
TaraMaiden Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Sorry MsLovely23, but this is threadjacking. You need to go away and start your own thread. you'll get more hits that way.
Author loveforever Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 To be Human should be a priviledge, not an excuse. Stupidity is an abuse of that privilege. Do you think you deserve a second chance after such long and prolonged insane behaviour? you two may love one another. Are you actually good for each other? Doesn't sound like it. Harsh....but I agree..... I've been stupid....immature..... I don't know if I deserve it....but I definitely would want nothing more..... Well....I think I deserve it at least a little bit... I stood by him and loved him (and still do) through rough (beyond rough) times.....I love him with all my heart.... Yet I was to blind to see that marriage and love in general is a give and take and not just a take..... If someone (like me) is truly remorseful (which I am) of how they treated their loved one then I think they should get a second chance..... Are we good for each other ???? Right now it might not seem like it..... He doesn't behave like he used to because of what I did and the resentment he has built up.....and I believe he won't be the way he used to until I've changed my old ways....until I'm a changed woman.... But once I successfully made changes that are permanent and he can relax and let his love show again then we are definitely good for each other.....
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