Ladies, when you're interested in a guy...

[Kamille]

When you're interested in a guy, what do you do?

 

 

 

First: do you check guys out? If so, how often would you say a guy catches your eye? What do you do? Do you check him out discreetly, or do you make your appreciation obvious?

 

Here are two different scenarios I would like you to address. You can add others if you want, based on your life experiences.:

 

1. You're in a grocery store/ bookstore/ videostore and notice a cute guy.

 

2. You're in a bar, out with friends, single and looking. Do you look around for interesting guys? If you notice a cute guy, what do you do?

 

This is linked to another thread, where guys were wondering if girls check guys out. I think it's time we dismiss the myth that women are passive wallflowers. I know that when I was single, I would at least try to give signals that I was interested in a guy.

 

The objective of this thread is to help guys understand how we women show interest.

[tincanman99]

Women are much more subtle about it than men. If you are not paying attention you miss it. Most men are brain dead and completely miss the signals.

 

But no mistake about it, they do check men out. Occasionally you might catch them doing it but its rare.

[MarlyStar]

As I said on the other thread: I just now went to Subway. Saw a man sitting at a table with a 10 year old boy. Neither talking. He didn't have on a wedding ring. I pegged him as a divorced dad with weekend visitation.

 

I saw him looking at me and gave him a friendly smile while I waited to order. He looked surprised, his eyes actually widened. I had to order then, and felt him watching me with interest. I cuaght his eye again and smiled again. THen I left.

 

That was a potential I suppose. But I had no idea how to exploit it, and there wasn't enough time for him to act on his interest. And the kid was there.

 

This is what I did:

 

I checked him out, saw there wasn't a wedding ring, and checked out the basic physical stuff: height about 6 ft, weight about 220, clean clothes, hair cut, decent shoes, average, nice enough face, right age group for me. I was in his line of sight and he was just looking at me because he wasn't talking to his son and I was in front of his face. You know how you just notice strangers. He was looking at me, I was looking at him.

 

It took me less than 2 seconds to put him in the ok catagory, and I checked the ring finger twice to make sure, another 2 seconds. Then I looked at his face, straight in the eyes and smiled.

 

Our eyes met, and he looked shocked, his eyes widened and we looked at each other one beat more than pleasant strangers would have.

 

While I was ordering, I held my cell phone in such a way to demonstrate I also did not have on a wedding or engagement ring. (I wear NO rings--my unattached status is not in doubt by my jewelry).

 

When I turned to get a cup I was facing him again, and over his son's head, I gave him another smile with a brief nod. He smiled back but the lady was asking if I wanted it toasted, so we didn't have that extra second of eye contact.

 

Since I was ordering two subs when the lady asked what I wanted on them (I was getting one for my son), I raised my voice a little bit, told her what to put on my son's sub and then said so he could hear, "I think that's what he wants on it, but actually if my son really is going to be picky about what he wants on his sub, he can come with me and tell you himself."

 

Now this man knew the following things about me: I was in his league looks-wise, I was single, I was buying a second sub for a kid not a partner, and I had smiled at him twice, once prolonging the look. I was friendly.

 

Unfortunately I had to pay with my back to him and then leave. I smiled at him again when I left.

 

I don't know how he could have done anything with all that information, but maybe if I see him there again (and I've never seen him there before altho I go often) he'll remember and try to open a conversation.

 

Had the kid not been there, I might have said 'Hi' when I got my cup.

 

Thinking about it now, had the kid not been there, I suppose I could have chosen to eat my sub in, rather than taking it home, sitting at a table in his line of sight and giving him more opportunity to figure out if he wanted to approach me and send out more signals. But with the kid there it was unlikely he'd talk to me.

[spackle]

if we smile at you come over and say 'hi', it's that simple fellas

[Kamille]

Women are much more subtle about it than men. If you are not paying attention you miss it. Most men are brain dead and completely miss the signals.

 

But no mistake about it, they do check men out. Occasionally you might catch them doing it but its rare.

 

Agreed. It is definitely more subtle. In fact, friends have pointed out to me that I should be more obvious when checking a guy out, especially in certain context.

 

Here's how I met my boyfriend:

 

I'm at a party that was held in a bar and I saw bf across the room and thought he was hot. He was dancing, so I grabbed a friend and we went dancing next to him. I flashed him a smile. He came to talk to me.

 

(Yes ladies, it can be that easy).

 

 

 

This is what I did:

 

I checked him out, saw there wasn't a wedding ring, and checked out the basic physical stuff: height about 6 ft, weight about 220, clean clothes, hair cut, decent shoes, average, nice enough face, right age group for me. I was in his line of sight and he was just looking at me because he wasn't talking to his son and I was in front of his face. You know how you just notice strangers. He was looking at me, I was looking at him.

 

It took me less than 2 seconds to put him in the ok catagory, and I checked the ring finger twice to make sure, another 2 seconds. Then I looked at his face, straight in the eyes and smiled.

 

Our eyes met, and he looked shocked, his eyes widened and we looked at each other one beat more than pleasant strangers would have.

 

 

When I turned to get a cup I was facing him again, and over his son's head, I gave him another smile with a brief nod. He smiled back but the lady was asking if I wanted it toasted, so we didn't have that extra second of eye contact.

 

 

 

Damn that pesky subway lady, but great job Marly! I highlighted some of the most current things women do when checking a guy out.

 

 

So far, in both yours and my story, flashing the smile seems to be key. I have to say, however, that I was only able to smile at bf because he was looking around. It also helped that he was pretty much dancing alone at that point, away from his group.

[Jynxx]

I honestly don't think a girl has ever been interested or shown interest in me before I talked to her.

 

As for the smiling, that obviously doesn't count, as girls smile to people they're not interested in all the time. What you need is a signal that shows when you're interested and never shows when you're not interested.

[MarlyStar]

I honestly don't think a girl has ever been interested or shown interest in me before I talked to her.

 

As for the smiling, that obviously doesn't count, as girls smile to people they're not interested in all the time. What you need is a signal that shows when you're interested and never shows when you're not interested.

 

I bet you are wrong, a girl has shown interest but you didn't pick up on it.

 

Smiling does count. Not all smiles suggest personal interest, but no smile always suggests no interest.

 

And a smile with prolonged eye contact is a sign of interest.

[Teknoe]

if we smile at you come over and say 'hi', it's that simple fellas

 

 

How do you discern a regular friendly smile, versus one that says "come say hi?"

 

I think many girls just smile out of friendliness and habit. But if you come over and say hi, it becomes awkward a bit because they were just smiling to be nice, but not actually wanting you to "make a move."

 

After the guy initiates by saying hi, how fast should he move to the topic of getting together some time or getting her number to call? Is it a wuss move to ask for her email instead of her number?

 

Pretty much though the goal is to get her info so how long should the guy beat around the bush with small talk until he gets to the meat of the approach anyway?

[AD1980]

Ive gotten none of these signs

[johan]

How do you discern a regular friendly smile, versus one that says "come say hi?"

 

I think many girls just smile out of friendliness and habit. But if you come over and say hi, it becomes awkward a bit because they were just smiling to be nice, but not actually wanting you to "make a move."

 

After the guy initiates by saying hi, how fast should he move to the topic of getting together some time or getting her number to call? Is it a wuss move to ask for her email instead of her number?

 

Pretty much though the goal is to get her info so how long should the guy beat around the bush with small talk until he gets to the meat of the approach anyway?

 

Waiting for an invitation is a mistake. If you want to talk to a girl, go talk to her. It shouldn't really even be about trying to lead up to getting a date with her. Just go talk. Make a decision on getting her number later.

 

She may not want to talk to you, and you should be secure enough to accept that. Either way, she'll have a good impression of you as a reasonably confident, personable guy. So you can't really lose.

 

If you don't feel comfortable doing that, then do you think you'd be more inclined to do it if she laid out a red carpet for you? You wouldn't.

[welikeincrowds]

I've definitely turned down/ignored smiles before. I've also felt like a huge idiot for it! **** me!

 

The "interested smile" is blatant enough. What do you need, a neon sign?

 

Times when a smile doesn't mean as much:

 

1. They are working at a job that requires a smile

2. A collision or some other socially awkward thing just happened (a bump, a reach for the same thing, etc.) and she smiles is in response

 

Still, it's good enough, because it tells you an important thing: this person is probably pleasant. They're agreeable. If you get rejected, they'll probably let you down easy.

 

Not every girl at every moment is checking out guys; sometimes they're distracted, or they don't feel like they're looking their best and so they try not to be noticed, or whatever. You don't need approval before you approach; you just need to know that they won't grow a tail and spit fire. A smile does that for you. What else do you need, and why?

[Kamille]

As Marly pointed out, the eye contact is perhaps also key. Context too. If I smile at someone in an elevator, I'm probably just recognizing we're sharing a crammed space. If I smile at someone in a bar, I'm most likely thinking he's cute.

 

But I'm surprised at how many guys say girls smile at them all the time. I don't often smile to random strangers, especially not strangers my age, unless I'm open to chitchatting with them. In my experience, a smile is an opening. If I smile to someone I'm not interested in, I'm basically inviting trouble. Maybe I don't smile to strangers because I live in a city of about a million?

 

As to how to get from the approach to the number, we all seem to be scratching our heads here. I like "loose plans", of the kind: "I often hang out at this place, I could take you some time". That way, I can choose to say : yeah I'd like that (and we exchange numbers) or, if I feel shy/awkward giving my number to this stranger, I can simply choose to go check out the place at one point, hoping he is there.

[PratyekaYana]

How do you discern a regular friendly smile, versus one that says "come say hi?"

 

When women intend to display interest through a smile, it's been my experience that the smile and the eye-contact that it requires become more prolonged than usual. There's a lingering effect that's fairly difficult to miss. She's either actively searching my eyes for indicators of interest or holding my gaze to make sure that I know of her interest.

 

Also, the "I'm interested" smile is almost always accompanied by other, subtle actions that are dead giveaways. Is she playing with her hair, for instance? One other poster mentioned a hand tactic that she uses to show the absence of a marriage ring.

[Leeway Harris]

Many of us are terrified to take the chance that the smile was "just being friendly". What if we go up and start talking to her and she says "Eew! Get away from me! Just because I smiled at you, you think you have the right to come over here and slobber all over me? No way, mister! I have standards! Be gone with you!" And then everybody in the room starts laughing at you, and you take the long walk out the door with your head hanging in shame. That would suck. That's probably the main reason I never, ever approach women.

[Mrlonelyone]

The interested smile thing is not the same as being active... if you girls went over to the guys and talked to them that would be being active.

 

i.e. In the case of the divorced dad why did she leave if she was interested? Why didn't she go over and talk to him? Why does he have to come over and talk to her? That's what we are saying when we say women are more passive.

 

As for taking a simple smile as a sign of interest..... Here's the thing. Allot of women will act interested but not be truly available. Once one is over the age of 25 the problem is finding who are interested, interesting, and available.

[johan]

Many of us are terrified to take the chance that the smile was "just being friendly". What if we go up and start talking to her and she says "Eew! Get away from me! Just because I smiled at you, you think you have the right to come over here and slobber all over me? No way, mister! I have standards! Be gone with you!" And then everybody in the room starts laughing at you, and you take the long walk out the door with your head hanging in shame. That would suck. That's probably the main reason I never, ever approach women.

 

Have you ever once seen that happen in real life? Ever? Are you letting some unreal fantasy keep you from taking a tiny risk? Why protect yourself so much?

[carhill]

As a general rule, I notice the smile and prolonged eye contact first, then the wedding ring second. I smile, nod, point (at my empty ring finger), say 'yup 10 years' and move on to the next produce item.

 

In the last fifteen years, I can't recall one instance of the 'signals' being proffered in this thread occurring from a single woman. Some were 'apparently' single but turned out not to be. Some were obviously married. Correction: It did happen once, from my former affair partner, but she turned out to be living with someone but 'wasn't sure'.

 

OK, back to lurking, since this is a 'woman' thread. TBH, I've been on the lookout for what most women are talking about here for the majority of my 51 and am very sensitive to nuances (smiling/body language/hair flipping/dilated pupils/laughing at my humor, etc), something which drove my exW up the wall. So, I'll read and continue looking out. Good luck

[Teknoe]

Many of us are terrified to take the chance that the smile was "just being friendly". What if we go up and start talking to her and she says "Eew! Get away from me! Just because I smiled at you, you think you have the right to come over here and slobber all over me? No way, mister! I have standards! Be gone with you!" And then everybody in the room starts laughing at you, and you take the long walk out the door with your head hanging in shame. That would suck. That's probably the main reason I never, ever approach women.

 

 

No guts no glory. No pain no gain!

 

Hmmm, good insight everybody. Now that I think about it, the eye contact and smile is pretty right on. And their body language says a lot too.

 

So last night I was at a large function. My female friend came out with her boyfriend, she and I are really good friends. I once liked her a couple years ago, and told her about a year back that I kinda dug her at one point, but after we went on this trial date of sorts, we were better off as friends I told her.

 

So last night she was smiling and looking at me a lot. Maybe not a sign of interest, but definitely a sign of comfort and an opening for me to talk to her (heck, we're good friends). However, there was another girl who was not openly smiling at me, and I could tell she was in shutdown mode. So I didn't bother talking to her because she gave off this b*tch vibe.

 

Another girl smiled at me a lot. We're acquaintances right now, but she's definitely cool and I would like to get to know her a bit better. She's friendly to me, but then again she's quite a gregarious gal.

[musemaj11]

Women do check men out. However, due to lower testosterone/visualness, a man needs to be exceptionally good looking for women to cant help but stare at him. On the other hand, men will stare at any woman who is even remotely attractive.

[PhillyDude]

Women do check men out. However, due to lower testosterone/visualness, a man needs to be exceptionally good looking for women to cant help but stare at him. On the other hand, men will stare at any woman who is even remotely attractive.

 

 

Any women will get attention from men because of body. My friend looks at unattractive women all the time because of their build or BUTT or BOTH-lol

 

Me on the otherhand ook at a woman's face and footwear when i'm in public

[welikeincrowds]

Me on the otherhand ook at a woman's face and footwear when i'm in public

 

[sniffys]

i check him out, i talk to him i'd joke around and always give eye contact. it wasnt always like that though lol.

if he reciprocates, great. if not, its ok im open to having him as a friend.

[threebyfate]

Good movie and acting by both Denzel and Crowe! Alpha head butts and mutual acknowledgement of such.

[Butterflying]

The first thing I do when I notice a cute guy (no matter what situation) I look at him, try to make eye contact. This usually leads to some kind introduction. If he smiles back, I might smile a little more, maybe wink if I'm feeling extra flirty. It all depends on how he responds to my attention to him.

[welikeincrowds]

maybe wink if I'm feeling extra flirty.

 

The wink is so good. I get so bashful whenever someone winks at me. I really should wink more, but whenever I practice in the mirror it just looks like I'm having a muscle spasm.