MarlyStar Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 My friend works for the 3rd largest defense contractor in the world. In her physical work location there are 584 men, all educated, most are engineers (ie nerdy). Of the 584 men only THREE are her age or older and single. And of the three one is gay, and one is in a longterm relationship with a woman he's crazy about. She has no idea about the other guy, she doesn't know who he is. When she expanded the database search to include men 5 years younger than her, she got 3 more. Options? Four guys out of 584? If she looked like Christy Brinkly she still wouldn't have a chance.
GoodOnPaper Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 What's the age group? If it's 20s or 30s, I'm surprised. If it's 40s, I'm not. Eventually, we nerds find someone who will go out on a date with us. I strongly suspect that our date-to-LTR conversion rate is significantly higher than that for the more desirable non-nerdy players.
Intricategirl Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 There's a quote I read (probably on LS) that said, "The plural of anecdote is not data." In other words, your friend's experience does not mean that it's necessarily true around the world. It could mean that she's exceptionally young or old for that field, or that the men are. It could mean that company has a strong family focus and promotes some employee services which make it easier for families to get marriage counseling- thus lowering the divorce rate. It could mean that the "nerdy" guys are less player-like and mate for life. It could even mean that the rest have been married and divorced seven times already, and she happened to catch them on the one Tuesday in March in between divorce filings. There's just not enough data to even begin to consider whether this is a pattern, anomaly, or something else entirely.
sniffys Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 LOL i was wondering what a defense contractor meant (i thought like halliburton maybe?) and i looked it up and saw my guy friend's company. he was just hired a few weeks ago. hes a young genius, an engineer and i really admire him he did tell me there were no women there (at his age 20 something) that would be a potential gf material, and that most of his co-workers were guys.
Author MarlyStar Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 She's in her 40's. But even women in their 40s would like to have relationships. And it's been proposed that for every single woman, there's a single guy, but that doesn't really work out that way, since more guys die young, are gay, in jail, it doesn't factor out to a 1:1 ratio after a while. And yes, most guys ARE married, and stable normal guys usually DO stay married. That's sort of the point, they aren't available. The complaint that they are all married, gay or weird is sort of valid in her case. You'd think in a guy-rich environment like a defense contractor there'd be more than 6 unmarried guys out of 584--but there isn't. I don't have access to stats where I work, but it's extremely man intensive--and again there are few unmarried men, altho among military men there's probably a higher divorce rate than among engineers with security clearance (probably the most stable and socially repressed demographic to be found). But still I know there are not many unmarried guys where I work either between 45-60 and I think there are about 1,300 in my building. Even if they are unmarried you still have to filter out for creepy (like the Feeder) or scary (like the Wacked Out General). And you know there's a bunch of alcoholics hidden away. My mother tells me that starting about age 55 men start becoming available again as their wives die--and they are good men who like being married and know how to do it. I find this very depressing.
somedude81 Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Marly, the vast majority of posters, at least in the dating forum, are 30 and under. So your friends experiences will be vastly different from the people here. Frankly, it just seems that your friend has missed the boat.
spackle Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 ask a different question. How many are happy in their relationship? How many are currently cheating?
tincanman99 Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 I have been involved in the technology field since I got out of college. Mostly telecommunications. The numbers you mentioned are dead on - I have been in areas where there were literally no women. Its pretty pathetic. The only women we ever saw were in HR, finance, marketing or sales. I can count the number of women I encountered on one hand. That being said at an earlier point in my career I decided that sitting behind a computer all day was not me. I have been told I am unusual because I am known as a yacker (ie. I never shut up) but can also do the techology. Many of my friends who were engineers barely if ever dated. Most had less than like 3 women in their entire lives before they got married. I know one guy who literally only dated 1 time for a brief period of time before he got married when he was like 40. If you are an attractive woman and there are single men there it should be like shooting fish in a barrel.
Kamille Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Academia is another field which would suggest that as people age and settle down, men have more options. I remember reading a study that showed that significantly more male academics were married than female academics. I believe the reason for this is that it is still more customary for women to follow their partner wherever their career might take them, while the reverse still only rarely happens.
mo mo Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Academia is another field which would suggest that as people age and settle down, men have more options. I remember reading a study that showed that significantly more male academics were married than female academics. I believe the reason for this is that it is still more customary for women to follow their partner wherever their career might take them, while the reverse still only rarely happens. You know, she could just look outside her job.
spackle Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Way to encourage my paranoia. ::sigh:: it helps me sleep at night to think that someone, somewhere is thinking of me while they're boning their wife/so/gf
Author MarlyStar Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 ask a different question. How many are happy in their relationship? How many are currently cheating? That's an entirely different question. She and I and most of the single women I know have NO trouble being part of an extra-marital affair if we wanted. But we don't want.
Kamille Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 You know, she could just look outside her job. Ah yes. And they do. Nowhere did I report these academics were only dating each other. Here is how I've seen it play out in real life. John get offered a tenure-track position in city farfar-away. John's partner, Betty, a financial analyst, figures she can probably find a job in farfarway. They move. Mary is offered a tenure-track position in city farfaraway. Kevin says he cannot leave his job where he is making headway as a financial analyst and asks her to reconsider and take the public service job she was also offered. Mary has to choose between relationship or career. (From what I've observed, it even starts before then, when it comes down to applying for doctoral schools. Women are more likely to stay close to home than to take advantage of the many international opportunities offered in grad school.)
spackle Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 That's an entirely different question. She and I and most of the single women I know have NO trouble being part of an extra-marital affair if we wanted. But we don't want. but not un-releated. As marriage/relationship is chased as some kind of ideal...when many, many people discover it isn't so wonderful as they first thought.
Mrlonelyone Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 You know, she could just look outside her job. The obvious solution mo mo. Is this woman in a place where her job represents all the social possibilities there are. I would also say your friend probably suffers from having a high level of intelligence which tons and tons of psychological study has shown can be socially isolating. People in STEM career's have this problem and tend to date and marry other's in similar career fields. This also skews things for your friend. If your friend lives near someplace like Silicon valley she would find tons and tons of people... a whole singles scene filled with techy type people who she could be a match with. In other words as mo mo pointed out... she can just look outside her work. Look at who's available at the defense contractor down the street, at least.
welikeincrowds Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 your friend probably suffers from having a high level of intelligence Well, this is a pleasant way of putting it
carhill Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Another option is to align with friends who are socially gregarious and have large circles of friends and perhaps entertain a lot. Contrary to popular belief, married couples have single friends and acquaintances. We had them when I was married and I doubt we were/are atypical. Social networking is a great option
OliveOyl Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 It will probably just take longer, but I have always subscribed to the saying that my Mom used to say: "There isn't a pot so crooked you can't find a lid to fit it." I really do believe that. And right now I feel like a pretty crooked pot, but the water is just boiling right now. Still plenty of time for a lid.
threebyfate Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Unless she works in HR, how is she getting access to confidential personal information? And if she's using her HR access for personal reasons, that's a HUGE breach of professional ethics. If she's not in HR, I'd take her anecdoetal observation with a grain of salt.
somedude81 Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 BTW, why is a woman in her 40's even looking for "options?"
OliveOyl Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 BTW, why is a woman in her 40's even looking for "options?" People don't just keel over and die when they reach 40. It's not Logan's Run...
fishtaco Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 (edited) Of course. Her physical location sucks. Where I am, in the greater Los Angeles metro area, there are about, oh I don't know, 15 million people? If she were here, she'll have a lot more options. Edit: Damn I'm good. I just looked it up on wikipedia, and yes, there are about 15 million people. Edited March 12, 2011 by fishtaco
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