WorldIsYours Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Whew... some pretty mean & judgmental postings here, and the OP asked for help and not to be "berated" - lots of hate goin' on out there to the OP, and I'm sure she feels bad enough and doesn't need to be put down anymore. Please trust your gut if you think this guy you are involved with is not being honest & upfront with you, etc. Your gut never lies. He sounds like a sociopath... and you can learn alot about someone when you look at their past relationships... 2 years here & there, etc., sounds like he does get bored & move on. He will do it to you too... chances are, anyway. All the fun you are having is not reality... bills, problems, daily drudgery... I think this guy does not like any unpleasantness and only wants fun. As for your husband, I suggest... and my suggestions will be trounced & denounced, but this is my opinion to which I am entitled. Please don't tell him if you are thinking of staying with him. You can work on the sex thing with him... and honestly, after what your wrote about this guy you are having a fling with, I think your husband sounds like he is a decent guy & worth putting some effort in there. End the A, and go & get some therapy for yourself... and seriously consider trying to work things through with your husband. Don't tell the husband she put his life at risk and has destroyed everything 2 years ago. Marriages do not thrive on secrecy.
What_Next Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Wonderful advice there for sure Turbogirl. Tell me something have you cheated? I'll reserve judgement until you answer, but I suspect I already know the answer. There is only 1 course of action and that is full disclosure. However, the OP has already shown her true colors, so I think we all know which way this will go. Turbogirl, you say there's lost hate goin' on? Umm there's lots of truth going on, something cheaters find very difficult to deal with, truth and honesty. Good god, what has society came to!
Toodamnpragmatic Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Whew... some pretty mean & judgmental postings here, and the OP asked for help and not to be "berated" - lots of hate goin' on out there to the OP, and I'm sure she feels bad enough and doesn't need to be put down anymore. Please trust your gut if you think this guy you are involved with is not being honest & upfront with you, etc. Your gut never lies. He sounds like a sociopath... and you can learn alot about someone when you look at their past relationships... 2 years here & there, etc., sounds like he does get bored & move on. He will do it to you too... chances are, anyway. All the fun you are having is not reality... bills, problems, daily drudgery... I think this guy does not like any unpleasantness and only wants fun. As for your husband, I suggest... and my suggestions will be trounced & denounced, but this is my opinion to which I am entitled. Please don't tell him if you are thinking of staying with him. You can work on the sex thing with him... and honestly, after what your wrote about this guy you are having a fling with, I think your husband sounds like he is a decent guy & worth putting some effort in there. End the A, and go & get some therapy for yourself... and seriously consider trying to work things through with your husband. However on this site you will be vilified for the no disclosure stance. The caveat I have is you get checked and get a clean bill of health. Then you must be 100% committed to the marriage..... BTW WorldIsYours, you are coming across as a first class bully in every post you make. Your position on infidelity and other issues is clear and there is no gray area or wiggle room. I get it.... Sure others do too. Can you please give me some background on exactly why you are so angry? Been cheated on? Bad relationships? Just want some context as to where this anger festers from......
kuma Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 OP, I'm glad that you've decided to end the affair. I agree with others that you should be honest with your husband. Put yourself in his shoes. It's his life and he gets to choose how to live it. Go to counseling and fix yourself. Good luck.
WorldIsYours Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 However on this site you will be vilified for the no disclosure stance. No one is being vilified, but the no disclosure stance is not good. BTW WorldIsYours, you are coming across as a first class bully in every post you make. Right. I am a bully because I speak the truth. Your position on infidelity and other issues is clear and there is no gray area or wiggle room. I get it.... Sure others do too. Exactly! And that is what people refuse to see! Is that there IS NO wiggle room or gray area. I'm so glad you get it! Can you please give me some background on exactly why you are so angry? Been cheated on? Bad relationships? Just want some context as to where this anger festers from...... Just because I don't take no crap from cheaters and don't defend their selfish conscious choices doesn't mean I'm angry. You're reaching for something that isn't there to argue with.
WorldIsYours Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 WIY /Dexter, your sock is fooling no one. I'm not Dexter so you can lay off that.
2long Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 If you simply re-read what you wrote in your initial post, you'll realize that all the answers 2 your questions are therein. However: Is there ever a situation where breaking up your family to be with the other person is ok? No. Is this other guy selfish for getting involved with a married woman and should I just forget about him? Yes. But get your husband's help in "forgetting about him." Or are there rare situations where this intention is true and genuine? No. Think about it. He lies 2 his girlfriend and you lie 2 your husband and kids. Where's the truth and genuineness in that kind of monstrous behavior? Is it possible that we truly love each other and should try to make this work? No. But I'm not surprised that you are romantically excited by your affair. You need 2 realize, however, that romance doesn't last, and that romantic love isn't even in the same league as long-term caring love, commitment, and familial love (your kids). Real love is a choice, it isn't a feeling. When the feelings of romance fade, it's real love that will sustain you. It's extremely unlikely that you'll ever have that kind of love with the OM, because your relationship is founded on lies. It is far more likely that one of you will cheat again and trash this "relationship" (if you can really call it one) in the process. Or because of my kids, should I just say no way. Yes. But you should have said "no" before getting involved. I am not at all proud of my role in this, and I would never have an affair again, so please don't berate me. I just need help. Thank you. I'm sorry if my post came across as berating, but you need 2 recognize that there are things you probably need 2 hear that need 2 take precedence over what you want 2 hear. You say you'll never have an affair again, so why not start on the road 2 integrity by immediately ending this one and confessing it 2 your husband? -ol' 2long
Toodamnpragmatic Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 No two ways around it.... Really let's hear your story of woe and how you were the greatest person to walk this earth (apologies to Mother Theresa and Gandhi) and screwed beyond compare.:p Just want to know whether to feel sorry or pity you.
WorldIsYours Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 No two ways around it.... Yup. A bully. Because I don't go around supporting cheaters. Really let's hear your story of woe and how you were the greatest person to walk this earth (apologies to Mother Theresa and Gandhi) and screwed beyond compare.:p I thank you for being a fan of mine. Just want to know whether to feel sorry or pity you. I can care less about your opinion of me.
2long Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 My wife will never return. She cheated and moved out because she doesn't love me. Regardless, I am convinced that the cheater suffers far, far more than the person cheated on. Please think about that when the 'He/she's a bitter BS' line gets thrown about. In time and with proper motivation the bitterness disappears. In its place is understanding and enlightenment. Most here have words of advice that should be heard. The smart will listen to them- This is an incredibly deep, wise perspective, Steadfast! I find, all 2 often, that on discussion 4ums about infidelity, BSs are encouraged 2 wallow in self-pity for far 2 long after discovering an affair. As for the OP here, I hope that she realizes what she has at home and does all that's necessary 2 protect her family before it's 2 late. "Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you have." -ol' 2long
Jonah Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 No two ways around it.... Really let's hear your story of woe and how you were the greatest person to walk this earth (apologies to Mother Theresa and Gandhi) and screwed beyond compare.:p Just want to know whether to feel sorry or pity you. Tooda, please don't waste your time an a single cell amoeba.
michelangelo Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 My wife has not fully accepted her accountability for cheating. Even now, she can dredge up these two bilious excuses: "Everything happens for a reason." "It was the best I could do." Seriously effed up reasoning.
Author puzzlepiece Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 Thank you all again for both the kind and unkind words.
TurboGirl Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Yup. A bully. Because I don't go around supporting cheaters. I thank you for being a fan of mine. I can care less about your opinion of me. Obviously... so when someone posts a problem, and asks not to be berated, why answer post? Just to be a jerk and hurt someone even further? Seriously, get yourself some help and work on your anger issues. And I see that you are not only nasty one here. Lots of haters. How very sad for all of you, to be carrying around that anger & bitterness. So unhealthy.
2sunny Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Thank you all again for both the kind and unkind words. i'm noticing you didn't mention that you ended things... so i will assume you are still involved with your OM. what happened to the promise you made to yourself - and now openly to others here? are you having trouble keeping that commitment to yourself too? what is your word good for if you can't even trust yourself by your own words?
ladydesigner Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Thank you all again for both the kind and unkind words. Puzzlepiece you may want to pop in over on the OW/OM section of the forum.
WorldIsYours Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Obviously... so when someone posts a problem, and asks not to be berated, why answer post? They don't ask to be "berated", they ask for validation. They think someone calling them out on their bad behavior is wrong and it isn't. Just to be a jerk and hurt someone even further? Seriously, get yourself some help and work on your anger issues. How am I hurting someone on a public forum? Seriously you're the one who needs help if you feel a few words over the internet is offensive. It's not that big of a deal. And I see that you are not only nasty one here. Well I'm not nasty, and I don't go around messing up people's lives. Lots of haters. Hating on what? What do cheaters have to hate on? Please. How very sad for all of you, to be carrying around that anger & bitterness. So unhealthy. Yea I'm so bitter because I don't validate cheaters. Whatever.
WorldIsYours Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 Why is it when someone has or is committing the most dirty and foul behaviours one can do to to someone they are supposed to love, that behaviour being ADULTERY, and then someone calls those people out on that foul behaviour, they are called bullies? No matter how you spin it, or justify it, or rationalize it, adultery, in all of its forms, is absolutly and positivly wrong!! No ifs, ands, buts or maybes. Adultery is wrong!! There is no grey in that. I applaude those that say that, and the louder the better. Bravo to those who enthusiasticly denounce that behaviour. Those of you who condone it need a morality check (I don't mean your own personal convoluted definition of morality, I am talking about the morality of the society as a whole)and some interpersonal skills training. Just asking. Adultery is wrong, plain and simple. The destruction of a family because of adultery is just plain foul. I'm 100% with you. I don't let these folks stop me from posting the truth with their ignorance to the obvious. I honestly think those who condone it need a personal morality check.
WorldIsYours Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 well its amazing those that can dish it out in real life, but can't take it when someone spells out the cold hard truth. no sympathy for the people they hurt in real life, but then bawl when someone points out the truth. Exactly. Life's a b!tch.
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