justsam Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 How does it go "doubting sometimes whether he is a good person at times." HE'S ****ING CHEATING!.. how's that for a good person. Sometimes I wonder if people are brain dead. Your saying that he's a bad person because of the way he treats YOU. What about the way he's treating his partner?
Author puzzlepiece Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 Thank you to all of you who gave me good words of advice. I would have never imagined myself in this situation before, and I am just trying to get my life back on track. In terms of the OM meeting my kids, that was mostly unavoidable, because we live in the same small town, and people sometimes see each other at the same places, like the local store or park. It was nothing planned. Sometimes when you are in an ugly situation like this, it is hard to have any clarity, and you end up justifying a lot of bad behavior. Some of your words really helped me to find moral clarity again. I am going to end the A immediately. I don't want to spend another day being this person.
WorldIsYours Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Thank you to all of you who gave me good words of advice. Speak of the Devil!!! She replies!! I would have never imagined myself in this situation before, and I am just trying to get my life back on track. In terms of the OM meeting my kids, that was mostly unavoidable, because we live in the same small town, and people sometimes see each other at the same places, like the local store or park. OM meeting your kids was avoidable, no matter if it was a small or large town. That is extremely disrespectful to let that man see your kids. That makes a husband ballistic. It was nothing planned. Oh yes it was. It was planned and has been going on for a long time. I am going to end the A immediately. I don't want to spend another day being this person. You've been saying those words for a long time......
dbtmarley Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 This is the second worst story I have ever heard. Hey puzzle, your boyfriend wouldn't happen to be a teacher would he?
Author puzzlepiece Posted March 14, 2011 Author Posted March 14, 2011 WorldisYours, yes, I have no problems replying to your words, which I appreciate, but really, you do not know me when you say I've been saying those words a long time. In fact, I have NOT been saying those words a long time because I haven't known what to do. What I understand now with MUCH MORE CLARITY than before is that I have been amazingly stupid and selfish. I know what I want to do, and I will follow through. It is possible to fix mistakes, become a better person, move on, and do good in the world. Certainly, with a name like, "WorldisYours", you must believe that!
WorldIsYours Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 WorldisYours, yes, I have no problems replying to your words, which I appreciate, but really, you do not know me when you say I've been saying those words a long time. You said you have "tried" to break communication. If you wanted to acutally break it, you would've done so. In fact, I have NOT been saying those words a long time because I haven't known what to do. What I understand now with MUCH MORE CLARITY than before is that I have been amazingly stupid and selfish. I know what I want to do, and I will follow through. It is possible to fix mistakes, become a better person, move on, and do good in the world. Certainly, with a name like, "WorldisYours", you must believe that! You need more clarity: You destroyed everything you and your husband built and it's been gone for a long time. It is possible to fix mistakes but what you've done? Oh no this is not a mistake. Are you going to tell your husband everything or will you hold it in selfishly?
justsam Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 It's funny how some people find clarity when others are piling on. Why does it take shame to bring clarity? I will really be surprised if you follow through, not that I'm judging.
Meatballsmom Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Let me add to your clarity. You are in great danger of losing your children. True, should you choose to go down the divorce road, the chances are pretty good that you will get custody. What I am am about to point out is something you probably have never thought of. I have seen numerous times where the cheating wife did gain custody, however there is a price to pay for breaking up their family in their youth. Once they become adults and put two and two together they turn on the cheating parent and quite often want nothing to do with them. Two of my co-workers were once in your shoes. In both cases their children no longer want anything to do with them. Neither of them were able to attend their childrens weddings, and both of them hardly know their children's spouse. One in fact when accidently meeting her son while out shopping with his future wife, intoduced her as "the wh*re". Neither of them have ever seen much less been allowed to hold their grandkids, who are already of school age. This could be in your future.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Don't know her or nothing about her outside this admission. How about wishing her the best, thinking maybe LS did help in her coming to an "eureka" moment and that she will do the right thing? I think she has been beaten up enough and WorldIsYours can lay off for now....
alexandria35 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Puzzlepiece, in your opening post you said this: He has also told me that if we did this, he wants to marry me in the next 1-2 years and be together forever. He has really tried to become involved with my kids and says he loves them, too. Now you say "oh he just bumps into the kids while out and about" I think your first statement was probably the truth, and the second statement is a lie. I mean when you happen to run into other peoples kids, do you feel like you love them and are really trying to be involved with them? What's the point of lying to the people here? It won't change the truth, which is that you have let the man you are cheating with become involved with your children. If you leave your husband now and try to have an open relationship with this man, your children will know that you were cheating with him all along and they will never accept him, and they will be disgusted by knowing that the nice man mommy was friends with was actually boinking mommy behind daddy's back. Wow! When you were using your kids to play family with your boyfriend, didn't it even occur to you to think about how your children will feel when they learn that they were unknowingly a part of your affair? That is just so demeaning to the them and to their father. You don't know it now but believe me when I say your children will lose all respect for you when they get older and understand what you did. Especially if they are boys. I know adult men who knew their mothers were cheating or involved with married men and without exception, every single one of them were and are completely disgusted by it. I think you should divorce your husband. You don't love him and if he is a good man as you say he is, then you should set him free to find somebody who does love and respect him. I'm being serious here. You don't love your husband so ending the marriage would be the best thing for both of you. Leave, but be realistic about it. You and your boyfriend are not going to walk off into the sunset together with your kids. First of all, your boyfriend doesn't love your kids. I can't believe you fell for that. I hate when I hear people say they love someones kids just because they are a part of the man or woman who they happen to be in love with. Snort! Kids are people and just like everyone else, it takes time and work to develop a real bond with them. It can be incredibly difficult to truly love someone elses kids. My ex has a son from a previous relationship. The boy is nineteen years old now, but he was just a little guy when I met him. From the years of knowing him I am quite fond of him. He had some problems as a child and he could be quite difficult to be around at times, but he was a good kid and I developed a friendship with him. Still I never would have insulted him, his mother, or his father by pretending to love him in a way that I didn't. His mother loves him, I just like him a lot. Your secret affair boyfriend loves your children? Please be serious. Your marriage is over. That was a decision you made when you got yourself a boyfriend, now own it and go forward with integrity and honesty.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 WorldisYours, yes, I have no problems replying to your words, which I appreciate, but really, you do not know me when you say I've been saying those words a long time. In fact, I have NOT been saying those words a long time because I haven't known what to do. What I understand now with MUCH MORE CLARITY than before is that I have been amazingly stupid and selfish. I know what I want to do, and I will follow through. It is possible to fix mistakes, become a better person, move on, and do good in the world. Certainly, with a name like, "WorldisYours", you must believe that! So... How do you plan on fixing this? I don't see where you have any real plan to set this straight. End the affair? How? Look through these forums it's not that easy. Even if you do end the affair... How does that fix your primary relationship? You will still be a crapball wife and mother. You planning to wait for the "Morals Fairy" to drop by and fix that too? I will see you on Jerry Springer.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 So... How do you plan on fixing this? I don't see where you have any real plan to set this straight. End the affair? How? Look through these forums it's not that easy. Even if you do end the affair... How does that fix your primary relationship? You will still be a crapball wife and mother. You planning to wait for the "Morals Fairy" to drop by and fix that too? I will see you on Jerry Springer. But give her a chance.... Two things though jump out at me.... One the children issue (claiming the other man loves them) and two, the old sex with my husband has never been that good crap (the rationalizing an out excuse).... It's always better with the other guy..... How about trying to make sex better with your husband? Ever thought about that? Not all men are experts on a woman's body/thoughts/wants and believe it or not would like some assistance/prodding on that end. Maybe you aren't that good in your husband's eye and since he is such a good husband and father he probably did not press you on that issue. Could be wrong or my opinion clouded, but when I hear women complaining on LS about what a lousy lay their spouse is, I wonder why and I see red...... You see we have the men on LS in "sexless" marriages and all they want is sex, and there is no complaining or grading about how it should be..... Sex is good, plain and simple....
What_Next Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Like others have asked, how exactly are you planning on "ending" the affair? Are you selfish enough to just think that if you stop banging this guy and having your kids around him (by the way as a mother you should be 10000000% ashamed of this aspect) that the affair is over and your marriage will be magically better? You are selfish person with little to no morals. I for one hope your husband throws your a$$ out and lays waste to you. Blunt, there's blunt. Reading threads like this make my blood boil. For the record my wife cheated on me and I have reconciled, with her so I am not one of the posters on here that believe all cheaters are the same, nor do I believe it's instand divorce. In your case though I sure believe that divorce should be the end result. Unbelievable.
ladydesigner Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Puzzlepiece it is good you are having this eureka moment. A lot of the posters here are BS's so there is a lot of pain being reflected through their posts. I am a FBS and also A FWS, I had a revenge affair. One thing I would do right away is end the A, like NOW. Get yourself into some kind of therapy and just keep your focus on taking care of what should be most precious to you, YOUR KIDS. OM is a scumbag. I agree that any kind of man that is willing to tear a family apart is not someone to be trusted. I won't go further, but my view of OM is tainted. Whether you want to disclose or not is up to you. Please find someone to talk to about this. An independent counselor would be your best bet then discuss how to go from there. Best of luck to you!
Steadfast Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 (edited) But give her a chance.... I fall into this camp too. Her response was better (IMO) than defending her actions. It still may be a hoax and I'm in no position to tell anyone what to post, but let's encourage positive communication. I'll offer to start! Marriages do survive this, rare as it is. It takes two recommitted people, but it is possible. In all cases, the cheater must say NO MORE. It starts there. Some don't mean it, some do. Who are we to say which is which? Michelle Langley cheated on her husband, resolved it, then went on to pen the best book on infidelity ever written. She exposed herself emotionally, shared all of her faults then set about to cherish her husband. That's the key for the cheating spouse. Except for cases of abuse and probably pretending at the start, the betrayer trusts that his/her actions will someday merit a change for the better. Many are surprised -in some cases years later- when the spouse begins to reciprocate. That is success! A reason to rejoice!! My wife will never return. She cheated and moved out because she doesn't love me. Regardless, I am convinced that the cheater suffers far, far more than the person cheated on. Please think about that when the 'He/she's a bitter BS' line gets thrown about. In time and with proper motivation the bitterness disappears. In its place is understanding and enlightenment. Most here have words of advice that should be heard. The smart will listen to them- Edited March 14, 2011 by Steadfast
ladydesigner Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 I fall into this camp too. Her response was better (IMO) than defending her actions. It still may be a hoax and I'm in no position to tell anyone what to post, but let's encourage positive communication. I'll offer to start! Marriages do survive this, rare as it is. It takes two recommitted people, but it is possible. In all cases, the cheater must say NO MORE. It starts there. Some don't mean it, some do. Who are we to say which is which? Michelle Langley cheated on her husband, resolved it, then went on to pen the best book on infidelity ever written. She exposed herself emotionally, shared all of her faults then set about to cherish her husband. That's the key for the cheating spouse. Except for cases of abuse and probably pretending at the start, the betrayer trusts that his/her actions will someday merit a change for the better. Many are surprised -in some cases years later- when the spouse begins to reciprocate. That is success! A reason to rejoice!! My wife will never return. She cheated and moved out because she doesn't love me. Regardless, I am convinced that the cheater suffers far, far more than the person cheated on. Please think about that when the 'He/she's a bitter BS' line gets thrown about. In time and with proper motivation the bitterness disappears. In its place is understanding and enlightenment. Most here have words of advice that should be heard. The smart will listen to them- Great post Steadfast. Like a breath of fresh air. You said it better than I ever could:laugh:
michelangelo Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Run off with someone's boyfriend and leave the husband behind is completely okay. Lie, cheat, and steal to get what you want right? Letting some stranger touch their kids right? Yup it's the husband's fault his wife's been cheating for 2 years. You do have one point though, this is a fake marriage. Has been for a long time. I agree. You are the reason your marriage has failed. And failed is has. Divorce him and free your husband from your incredible deception. BTW, wanna guess how fast your "boyfriend" will disappear once you are available?
robf1971 Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 so he can find someone that will love him and won't cheat on him. Hmmm it will be amusing to see OP's reaction when her hubby eventually finds someone with higher integrity, smarter and prettier than her. Me thinks it won't be pretty.
WorldIsYours Posted March 14, 2011 Posted March 14, 2011 Don't know her or nothing about her outside this admission. This is all we need to know, which says a lot. How about wishing her the best, thinking maybe LS did help in her coming to an "eureka" moment and that she will do the right thing? Why are you defending someone who's been lying and cheating with someone's boyfriend for 2 years? I mean seriously, why?? I think she has been beaten up enough and WorldIsYours can lay off for now.... She was never beaten up in the first place. And sorry, but this is a public board.
Steadfast Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Why are you defending someone who's been lying and cheating with someone's boyfriend for 2 years? I mean seriously, why?? Few things are as unproductive as responders arguing. And I speak from experience. So, no argument here! I've read them carefully, and have yet to see anyone defend the actions of the person depicted in this thread. I do see however, a willingness to allow her to communicate. Which is, after all, the purpose of this board. When the OP stated she was breaking it off in an effort to salvage her marriage, I saw that as a positive. Again, better (IMO) than trying to justify it. What her husband does or does not do, we have no control over. And while I agree that it is better for her to tell him so he can decide, the facts suggest that this will be handled by the parties involved. Do we agree? Regardless, most cheaters do not consider the long term ramifications of their actions. It seems, to me, an absolute unnecessary burden to take on, but what's done is done. The best we may be able to hope for is someone who is considering these desires/temptations will read the posts here and decide it's a bad route. And that is because, in all ways and for everyone involved, it is. True love will not allow us to subject our special person to this. But, it's possible that many do not realize what they have until they risk losing it.
Jonah Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 No longer can I keep up this facade. I confess. It was me... I posted both stories.
whammy Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Thank you to all of you who gave me good words of advice. I would have never imagined myself in this situation before, and I am just trying to get my life back on track. In terms of the OM meeting my kids, that was mostly unavoidable, because we live in the same small town, and people sometimes see each other at the same places, like the local store or park. It was nothing planned. Sometimes when you are in an ugly situation like this, it is hard to have any clarity, and you end up justifying a lot of bad behavior. Some of your words really helped me to find moral clarity again. I am going to end the A immediately. I don't want to spend another day being this person. how does running into him with your kids at the local become "He has really tried to become involved with my kids and says he loves them?" it clearly doesnt take much too impress you. If all a man has to do is treat you like sh*t and say hi to your kids at the store and your ready to run off with him and make him the new father for your kids...well, hell, i really dont even know what to say.
WorldIsYours Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Few things are as unproductive as responders arguing. And I speak from experience. So, no argument here! I've read them carefully, and have yet to see anyone defend the actions of the person depicted in this thread. I do see however, a willingness to allow her to communicate. Which is, after all, the purpose of this board. When the OP stated she was breaking it off in an effort to salvage her marriage, I saw that as a positive. Again, better (IMO) than trying to justify it. What her husband does or does not do, we have no control over. And while I agree that it is better for her to tell him so he can decide, the facts suggest that this will be handled by the parties involved. Do we agree? Regardless, most cheaters do not consider the long term ramifications of their actions. It seems, to me, an absolute unnecessary burden to take on, but what's done is done. The best we may be able to hope for is someone who is considering these desires/temptations will read the posts here and decide it's a bad route. And that is because, in all ways and for everyone involved, it is. True love will not allow us to subject our special person to this. But, it's possible that many do not realize what they have until they risk losing it. Well she had years to know she was losing something good.
TurboGirl Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Whew... some pretty mean & judgmental postings here, and the OP asked for help and not to be "berated" - lots of hate goin' on out there to the OP, and I'm sure she feels bad enough and doesn't need to be put down anymore. Please trust your gut if you think this guy you are involved with is not being honest & upfront with you, etc. Your gut never lies. He sounds like a sociopath... and you can learn alot about someone when you look at their past relationships... 2 years here & there, etc., sounds like he does get bored & move on. He will do it to you too... chances are, anyway. All the fun you are having is not reality... bills, problems, daily drudgery... I think this guy does not like any unpleasantness and only wants fun. As for your husband, I suggest... and my suggestions will be trounced & denounced, but this is my opinion to which I am entitled. Please don't tell him if you are thinking of staying with him. You can work on the sex thing with him... and honestly, after what your wrote about this guy you are having a fling with, I think your husband sounds like he is a decent guy & worth putting some effort in there. End the A, and go & get some therapy for yourself... and seriously consider trying to work things through with your husband.
bentnotbroken Posted March 15, 2011 Posted March 15, 2011 Please dont' stay with your husband if you plan on lying to him for the rest of his life. If you are planning on not telling him the truth, do him a favor and just put him out of his misery now. He deserves to make a decision about his life himself. You got to make the decision to cheat, let him make the decision to stay or leave.
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