What is available Posted March 16, 2011 Posted March 16, 2011 There's an attraction and it's chemical for sure. The thing is, it's not a healthy one. He's like a drug to you, you get high then there's a huge low afterwards.. And, your self esteem takes a hit every time, you probably aren't the same happy woman you once were before the A started. You rely on him emotionally to build you up, the ego feed, how he makes you feel -- You need that, you want that. Problem is the damage it's doing to you and it's so unhealthy. The dynamic of it all. This is your life and you get a big say on how it goes. When you've had enough you will walk away and do everything possible to fix "you" and be strong. It make take months, years.. But, you have to want it over, put effort in, get help (counseling), work hard to get him out of your blood. Question is, what do you want? VERY well said - and by the way, I am a first time poster to the board. There is just so much here to digest/read and I am thrilled to finally find people who have similar situations to mine. There is way more to my story that I wont go into here, but you are absolutely right - my MM is a drug to me. I know it. Recognize it. Love love love the highs. The attention and loving from him, but feel confused, low and empty when he pulls away. When he grows distant and quiet. And the kicker? I usually question mself, like "what did I do wrong"? When actually, it isnt me - its him. Unfortunately, I am not at the point where I want to end it. But like I said - more to this story - and couldnt help to chime in and tell you just how accurate your description is. OH yea...what does NC mean?
Author Pilates Posted March 16, 2011 Author Posted March 16, 2011 Saw him, locked eyes, but it was far enough away that neither of us could say hi. I feel blah. I am going to the gym after work for a boot camp class and meeting a friend who doesn't know for dinner. Keeping busy. I miss the friendship we had before it crossed the line.
Amour7 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Congratulations on doing this much. I know how hard this is. How are you doing today?
Author Pilates Posted March 18, 2011 Author Posted March 18, 2011 Congratulations on doing this much. I know how hard this is. How are you doing today? Eh...thanks for asking, lol. We exchanged a few words today- but in front of other people. Under the circumstances, it is going to be impossible to never speak to him again, but I figure as long as it's in front of other people, and it's only general pleasantries I'd exchange with anybody, hopefully it will be good enough. I'm going on vacation next week, which will be 9 definite days of not seeing him. When I don't see him, I do well. Hopefully this week and a half will really make a difference.
desertIslandCactus Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 Eh...thanks for asking, lol. We exchanged a few words today- but in front of other people. Under the circumstances, it is going to be impossible to never speak to him again, but I figure as long as it's in front of other people, and it's only general pleasantries I'd exchange with anybody, hopefully it will be good enough. I'm going on vacation next week, which will be 9 definite days of not seeing him. When I don't see him, I do well. Hopefully this week and a half will really make a difference. In a work environment. Perhaps it will be helpful to try to remember that in polite exchanges: Don't give him anything to feel hopeful about. Don't give him anything to fantasize about.
Heather1 Posted March 18, 2011 Posted March 18, 2011 9 days will clear your head!! That's perfect. I think it takes about 3 weeks before you really can think a normal thought. NC means no contact. It's used a lot to try to detach & get out of the R. Not the easiest thing, and most of us have failed miserably at it, but it does help clear your thoughts & let you charge your cell...even turn it off at times.
Jane Deaux Posted March 29, 2011 Posted March 29, 2011 New member Chococheesecake reminded me of pilates. Then I wondered how she was doing with NC? Are you there Pilates?
Author Pilates Posted March 29, 2011 Author Posted March 29, 2011 Still here. I think his wife knows something. I've seen her before, and I saw her with him and got a hard glare like you wouldn't believe. Since then, he has been like ice towards me...before I put 2 + 2 together, I said something to him (nothing relating to any situation between us) and got a cutting, nasty response, and then I thought back to the day before when she was there. I don't know what she could know....or how....at least there was no sexual cheating but this kind of jolted me into reality. I don't need my career compromised by some woman who has a (rightful) vendetta against me and makes waves at my workplace. I still don't know that this won't happen, but the lawyer's post with the crazy coworker also helped me feel lucky to get out when I did. And maybe the wife doesn't know, and it's in my head, but I'll take it as a reason to be done. Also read cheesecake's post, yes it reminded me of myself too. Meant to respond something but I am exhausted by all of this, to be honest. I hope she's read this thread and takes something away that will be helpful.
Jane Deaux Posted March 30, 2011 Posted March 30, 2011 Whew. At least you avoided her actually knowing something instead of being suspicious. Wonder why she would have given you a nasty look. Unless she is suspicious of all women, and maybe you just pick up on it in regards to yourself. Otherwise, there may have been some information leak by MM to W. Accidental, or maybe an email was found. Well either way, at least you got the jolt you needed to think clearly. He was definitely wasting your time. You didn't need to be preoccupied with him anyway! Good luck with finding something natural and wonderful! I do wish all a relationship that is in true happiness and love! It must be so peaceful and fulfilling. Sighhhhhhhh.
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