freegal Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 I knowingly went into an A with the intention of just keeping it about sex. An old friendship where NOTHING ever happened, or was implied. Apparently, he did have feelings, as did I, we've been in this for about 2 mos. We both agreed NSA no emotions, feelings. I have held off kept it just about the act, and have no conversation before or after it occurs. Weird but it's what we agreed to. But every time we meet, afterwards, he lingers for kissing, I push him away and remind him "This is not what you want". Recently we met up at a mutual friends wake. He came over said hi, and started playing true confessions, about events occurring within his immediate family. Yes I cared but really, I am holding him at arms length, (per our agreement). It was teen troubles. I don't want this to be about anything other than sex, because I don't want to get hurt. When we said goodbye, I just started to dash off, like nothing while he called out to me a "hopeful" GOOODBYYEE and waited expectantly for what I don't know. There were other people around we are hiding this from. What does he want? Is he looking for emotional support? Should I get out now? What's with the kissing thing? I thought this would be easy, WRONG!
spice4life Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 I knowingly went into an A with the intention of just keeping it about sex. An old friendship where NOTHING ever happened, or was implied. Apparently, he did have feelings, as did I, we've been in this for about 2 mos. We both agreed NSA no emotions, feelings. I have held off kept it just about the act, and have no conversation before or after it occurs. Weird but it's what we agreed to. But every time we meet, afterwards, he lingers for kissing, I push him away and remind him "This is not what you want". Recently we met up at a mutual friends wake. He came over said hi, and started playing true confessions, about events occurring within his immediate family. Yes I cared but really, I am holding him at arms length, (per our agreement). It was teen troubles. I don't want this to be about anything other than sex, because I don't want to get hurt. When we said goodbye, I just started to dash off, like nothing while he called out to me a "hopeful" GOOODBYYEE and waited expectantly for what I don't know. There were other people around we are hiding this from. What does he want? Is he looking for emotional support? Should I get out now? What's with the kissing thing? I thought this would be easy, WRONG! Well...if one or both of you can't handle a NSA affair and if that is all it can ever be, then yes, you probably should back out. I think people are kidding themselves if they think emotions won't get involved...especially if they are attracted to one another and would under different circumstances enjoy dating one another. Personally, I cannot do a NSA affair. I'm not built that way. That is why it was a painful situation for me. I don't blame anyone though.
Emme Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 I will say that I didn't want to see the love I had for my friend. I just wanted sex. Slowly we got close to each other and I just didn't see myself with him in life. As the years went by I find that I am a ease with him. I am who I am around him without walls or shelds to hide behind as I would in relationships. My gaurd is down when it comes to him. I felt safe and secure. Emotions at one point and time will arise. It can creep up on you so you need to be honest with yourself. If you have to tell yourself that you have no feelings for him, then you do. Be honest.
Author freegal Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 i guess that's my question. To me he is giving signals of wanting more. I hold back, he said from the beginning all he could offer was sex, but to me his actions differ. It could just be me being a female, and "we" see conversations and sharing as becoming personal. Lingering for kisses after you already got what you came for, is like a relationship to me. I don't feel I can let my guard down or give anymore than what we agreed to or we both may end up with drama. It's like he is asking for something, that which once he gets it, he may not want it.
Emme Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 i guess that's my question. To me he is giving signals of wanting more. I hold back, he said from the beginning all he could offer was sex, but to me his actions differ. It could just be me being a female, and "we" see conversations and sharing as becoming personal. Lingering for kisses after you already got what you came for, is like a relationship to me. I don't feel I can let my guard down or give anymore than what we agreed to or we both may end up with drama. It's like he is asking for something, that which once he gets it, he may not want it. What are you holding back? If you have no feelings towards him in that manner you should have nothing to hold back. Why is your guard up if you feel nothing for him?
spice4life Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 What are you holding back? If you have no feelings towards him in that manner you should have nothing to hold back. Why is your guard up if you feel nothing for him? I have the same question. Why is your guard up if you feel nothing for him?
Author freegal Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 In my description of A I did say even though we were keeping it JS apparently we both had feelings. i entered into it, with no illusions that it would become anything else. Do I have feelings? Yes. Can I turn them off? Yes. Can I keep it that way? Not if he keeps expecting or pushing for more. Which I believe is happening. Could we have had a relationship a LONG time ago? Yes, if race was not a HUGE factor. Family quietly gave indication of disapproval. Those family members are now deceased, which also factors into the decision to do this thing. If they were alive it would have never happened.
Emme Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 In my description of A I did say even though we were keeping it JS apparently we both had feelings. i entered into it, with no illusions that it would become anything else. Do I have feelings? Yes. Can I turn them off? Yes. Can I keep it that way? Not if he keeps expecting or pushing for more. Which I believe is happening. Could we have had a relationship a LONG time ago? Yes, if race was not a HUGE factor. Family quietly gave indication of disapproval. Those family members are now deceased, which also factors into the decision to do this thing. If they were alive it would have never happened. I was almost in the same boat as you, for me it was race and religion. I had no feelings in the beginning maybe a crush, honestly. But your emotions are not something you can turn on and off like a switch. It's not possible, we are not robots. So here is the question, Do you want to be with this man, honestly? It's all about honesty... if you sweep dirt under the rug it's going no where. Do you want to be with him? You can't make a move until you decide. Be honest.
Recommended Posts