Heartbroken30 Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 I've posted my story a few weeks ago. In short, my ex-bf dumped me 1 1/2 months ago after 1 1/2 years together. He felt like we were growing apart and he didn't feel the same anymore. I disagreed with him as I think it was because he stopped trying after I moved back home with my parents. He found it difficult not being able to sleep over with me on weekends. Which brought out our frustrations and got into some fights. He is the kind of person who gives up easily, every time things became a bit difficult he wanted to leave and not work on it. We both loved each other immensely for 1 1/2 years. I did the usual begging and pleading the day of the break up and a couple days afterwards. Then went NC. He said he really wanted to stay friends. It has been NC for over 1 month now and I text him a few days ago just to see how he is doing to a very cold response. He basically just wants some of his stuff back but also agreed to hang out. I know for a fact he is not seeing anyone else. He is friends with most if not all of his ex's and hangs out with them and their current bf's or even alone. Why is he being so cold to me when he wanted to be friends? And is friends with most of his ex's. I have sent a couple more texts (literally only 2) and to no response since. To find closure, I also sent him a long email telling him what I was thinking the last month and that I'm sorry if I did anything wrong in the relationship. I did say in the email that I would also love to know what he is thinking as well but on his terms when he is ready. No response for the last couple days. Although, I am finding it a lot easier now and not thinking about him as much...I am just baffled at his coldness. We did not have a bad break up. Yes I did not want too but there were no fights or calling names or saying hurtful things at all. He said he wanted to hang out when we exchange our things. But I just think he is using that to get his stuff and I probably won't hear from him after wards for a long time. I am confused and lost as to why he is acting this way.
betterdeal Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 I don't know why he's being cold. Accept that you are two separate entities and will do things your own way, and are entitled to do so. You can devote days, months, years of your life wondering what drives him to do anything and still not know any more. Or you can be happy you had lots of good times, learn from the difficult periods, accept things as they are, and enjoy your life.
Author Heartbroken30 Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 I know...thank you for that. But I guess I just don't understand how someone can turn so cold and heartless right after a break up especially since it was not a bad break up. And he said he wanted to hang out but only to give him his stuff back. Maybe then I could ask some questions? Or is it not a good idea to meet up with him next week? I was just thinking of ignoring his attempts to give him his stuff and we both cut our losses.
Movingthrough Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 (edited) As much as it may not seem like it, you are in a great position. I always preach on here about exhausting everything before NC. You made some mistakes, you tried to reach out, and you let a lot of it out in that email. You are in a position now to where you can truly go NC. Thank about it...what else can you do? I mean really, you have done everything with no response or without the response you want from him...so there is no point to keep trying. All you can do is go NC. This is a dry theory i have that you can check out and may help you: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t268309/ As far as him being cold, i dont really think its that. He doesnt know what else to do, he broke up with you, and you are pushing it. The whole friends BS is just another way to make a breakup "easier" when in reality no one is staying "good friends" after a breakup (im sure its out there but i dont really think its healthy because one person usually still has feelings). Look at it like a math problem, you have exhausted all attempts to figure it out, now its time to ask for help, and that help is NC. Edited March 12, 2011 by Movingthrough
Author Heartbroken30 Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 I truly thought me making the common mistakes in the beginning pushed him further away. He did ask for space but I gave it to him I went NC after day 2 of break up for 1 month. I then tried to reach out in a friendly manner and got this. If a dumber goes really cold and heartless after a break up is it possible for them to lighten up as the months progress? Or will they feel like that forever? I am more upset now that he is acting this way than of our actual break up. I've accepted the break up and I told him that in my email.
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