Ruzmurf Posted March 31, 2004 Posted March 31, 2004 Call for help…x, divorce, rebound, life, pain, hurt *This will be long* I need help or understanding… Recently me and the x parted ways. We were back together one last time to see if we could work out. I really tried this time… taking care of the home, kids, working, and just trying to be supportive of my ex while she was in school. She was in her last year of school and I thought things would get better. However, I am confused. The relationship is over, the wife I love is no longer in love with me but she says I love you or I will always love you. Please help…. History… We had a difficult time in the beginning with raising a child. I believe things should be done on time regularly. She believes being best friends with your child was a good ideal. She moved out however always came by to sleep with me at night after going out. Come to find out she started dating a new guy “for ego boost”… but she still came around to see me. I did not know this until I showed up at her door one day and there he was him and his friend sitting on the couch… and I am surprise the one time I come to her place un-expected I see her with another guy. (Burns my grill) So we part ways and I started seeing other women. Over a short period of time we kindle things again and we stop seeing other people because of how we felt toward one another. However, right before we were committed again I was with my x, and another woman. She found out and this blew the door wide open. However, I never knew what she did with her boyfriend. She said they never had sex but should I believe her? Also, after going through a lot of BS… and a little timed passed I proposed to her because I thought she was the best thing ever and she felt likewise. She meets all the qualifications I wanted in a woman. Shortly there after I was relocated for work. I made sure to travel back home every weekend to see her (8hrs). I took the position only for a short period of time to financially get ahead and then to go back home to finish school. Things changed… she signed out of her lease because she couldn’t/did not want to keep her subsidized apartment and stay for a summer with me… so the caring person I am and also because this is my fiancé I moved her to where I was working in a new state. However the school system was not good enough in her taste. She wanted better schools for the kid (elementary school). So we move to the other side of the state after the company moved me to the first location. Now I am upset more money, budget blown, not to mention 3 people to take care of. It was like my goal was taken from me. We live together for a while and then we married. I am working all kind of hours to support the family and she didn’t need to work but wanted to. With her working was causing more money to go out instead of coming in. Now she’s pregnant. Preparing for a baby has the housing situation going crazy. She is going through all kind of mood swings. Therefore I stay away… I went out more than usual. Witch leads me to drinking more and I cheated on my wife. (I know… bad!)…. Relationship was being held onto by a string. We had so many problems I would always tell her to move back home… and she never would leave. I would still take care of my child I just wanted a divorce but because I do not believe in it... I never filed. So here I am stuck with this woman that does not want to do anything. She is young, shop, work only to stay away from home. Originally she was ok with staying at home and being a house wife while she finished school but now she must work. Well so many things are going on I never told her about me cheating but she knew because she asked and we worked things out. Well I know why now… I found out by snooping three years later that she slept with a guy before we was married. She never told me. She lied for almost four years. Now that brings me to now… I still love this woman and very much care about her. We tried again after moving back home to work things out but later divorced after the baby was born only to get back together afterwards. Now… we parted ways for what we say is the last time because we cannot keep each other happy. She always said she could never make me happy, and I would always tell her she did. However I always wanted more sex, or time while she was going to school and working. It was just never enough. I did my best to take care of the home so more time would be available for me. I seldom got my needs meet… sex drive was not there. She would always say I want to but… I am not in the mood or something. Then when I tried… it is too late I am tired. So I remained faithful but I had lunch with another woman and kind of making plans in case something did not work out with my wife. Well right before she was graduating she accessed my email account and found several emails with me talking to this other woman that I no longer talk to. This blew things up…. I cheated again. I admit that I was wrong for going to lunch and telling this other woman I had a few things that need to be finished before I would be ready for a another relationship. ...but… I only did it because she went to cedar point with a guy (friend that really likes her) and stayed over night. (trust in our relationship was already lost and now this) Also, I was not allowed to have women friends but she can go to Cedar Point with a guy friend... come on. Do you think something happened? The relationship was always a tit for tat relationship. Now fast forwarding to now… Same day of her graduation I was moving out as she was graduating. I supported her along the way and I just knew once she graduated she would not return the ability for me to finish school… also I knew by how she was not in love with me like before. After going through so much and with me putting so much on the line… how could this be? So after the email issue I relocate to get ahead however, money is tight going through the holidays. Something’s got behind and now she hates me because I am going through a career change and she is not getting the child support (738/mo) and because I’m in training. …and blah blah blah. Therefore her life style is dampened. Which leads me to my main question…? I have one child and I promised to take care of her 9 year old. I believe in one family. She meet a guy online and after one week she starts seeing this guy heavy… something I cannot understand because just one week before meeting him she was wishing we was together. Now she is on to this guy and he’s her new boyfriend and I hate it. She didn’t even know this guy longer than two to three weeks and he was watching my kids while she worked (I'm out of state just moving back local). Not to mention Feb 14 was our Anniversary and she took the guy to Chicago… the place we wanted to settle and raise our family. Now I don’t understand. She is able to give this new guy and any other new guy the attention, but I was not able to get it. All I would like is for my family to be together… is it possible given we are apple and oranges? I like to go out she likes to stay in… she does not like to go out because she is insecure about other woman hitting on me. Do I just give up? Should I just move on and pay child support but let her raise the kid. I am really torn and I feel my kids should have one family not two or stepparents. I do not believe in divorce. What should I do? I am also still in love with her.... I have a beautiful daughter. I love her very much. I just believe she should know only one mother and one father... one family. She is 3 now... since me and the x is not a family any more... should I just walk away. It is too painful to know the family I love is with someone else.... It is early in the morning... I'm Confused!!!!!!!!! All or Nothing
SoleMate Posted April 5, 2004 Posted April 5, 2004 Ruzmurf, you have a lot of problems. You and your wife/ex had a lot of fundamental disagreements and failure to meet each other's needs. I understand your strong desire to have an intact family, and that's great. You just need to back it up with actions that tend to promote family cohesion, rather than degrade it. Please check out <URL removed> for ideas on how you and your wife/ex can understand and meet each other's needs better. Based on what you've said, it does seem as if there is some hope.
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