Omei Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 I don't know what's wrong with my SO and this newly party behaviour but right now my heart feel's shattered and I am in tears. Im sure many of you read my most recent post. Well, it's 2 am I am up waiting for my SO to get home so I can give him my address info in case I cannot make it to airport tomorrow (no car, he doesn't know it off by heart, i'd have to take 4 busses) because there's a chance of blizzard, and where is he?? He's out PARTYING at 2 am......when he's gonna up early morning for the flight, I don't know where he is, he told me he was going out for only for a dinner. I feel like this trip isn't important to him at all. I am very crushed I don't know whats up with him and his party lifestyle. After he gets his master's we've talked about me and my daughter moving down there when he lands a job, but as of late I cant even ever consider that, I feel like im fading away from him and im no longer a priority. So hurt.
Els Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 I think you need to chill a little, now. He might be partying it up because he'll be going over to see you during the remainder of his break and he can't do it then, right? If it's a long plane trip he can just sleep on the plane. I can understand why you feel annoyed, but it really is his prerogative to allocate his own time. Stop worrying about it now. If he oversleeps and misses his flight, THEN you have a case. Otherwise, not really. Why can't you call him or text him to give him your address? Isn't he picking up the phone?
HeavenOrHell Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 I'm sorry His behaviour does sound out of order lately, I would be hurt and p***** off too. I hope you hear from him. Keep us posted. (((((hugs)))))
Author Omei Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 I think you need to chill a little, now. He might be partying it up because he'll be going over to see you during the remainder of his break and he can't do it then, right? If it's a long plane trip he can just sleep on the plane. I can understand why you feel annoyed, but it really is his prerogative to allocate his own time. Stop worrying about it now. If he oversleeps and misses his flight, THEN you have a case. Otherwise, not really. Why can't you call him or text him to give him your address? Isn't he picking up the phone? I can't call him because he hate's cell phone's doesn't own one (hates seeing his friends text their gf's constantly while they hang and he swore he'd never be the same) I called his house there is no answer. Tbh the "im partying because I wont get to on spring break" is the lamest excuse ever they sit in the same house and do the same thing everyweek it would be no different he go's out very often and honestly I feel like if he's so worried about missing on a few of the same old party they do everyweek....Why is he coming here for spring break? I find it a bit insulting he's more worried about missing out on a few party's then being here.
heartshaped Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Did he know that you needed to speak with him before his flight? Why didn't you give him your address before? If he's supposed to be flying in tomorrow that seems like a preparation the two of you would have made earlier. Honestly though Omei, I think you are being a bit oversensitive. Of course, he wants to come and see you. Of course, this trip is important to him. But that doesn't mean he can't go out if he wants to before he visits you. It would be a very different matter if he stays out partying all night and then misses his flight or knew that you had some last minute things to tell him and didn't bother contacting you/being around for you to contact. Is it fair to say that your SO going out and partying period upsets you? You don't seem like the type of person that's into that, but I could be wrong.
Citizen Erased Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 1. Email or text him your address. 2. You are completely overreacting IMHO. He has done nothing wrong, just hanging out with his friends. Does that bother you, do you not trust him? If you don't like to go out drinking yourself, why be with someone that's not like that? I thought he'd missed his flight or something, wow.
JohnM Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 I agree. It sucks when your other seems to not realise how upset you are. But that's the key, he doesn't know. Why would he? He has no reason to be considering something is wrong in the meantime you are brewing it up and getting yourself upset. Just take it easy. Do your part, send the details you need to in and email, text or voicemail and leave him to it. If he buggers up plans that's his fault. But its ultimately up to him. you can't control his plans and how he spends his time away from you is his decision.
Els Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 I can't call him because he hate's cell phone's doesn't own one (hates seeing his friends text their gf's constantly while they hang and he swore he'd never be the same) I called his house there is no answer. Tbh the "im partying because I wont get to on spring break" is the lamest excuse ever they sit in the same house and do the same thing everyweek it would be no different he go's out very often and honestly I feel like if he's so worried about missing on a few of the same old party they do everyweek....Why is he coming here for spring break? I find it a bit insulting he's more worried about missing out on a few party's then being here. Huh. That's rather strange with the cellphone. Texting constantly and having a phone for emergency contact are two completely different things. Can't you send him an offline MSN message or something? I am curious why you are so upset about him partying the night before he comes. Why are you extrapolating it to meaning 'he's more worried about missing out on a few party's then being here'? He might just be thinking that it's efficient use of time - he has fun with his friends before he comes to see you. If there was an activity I really liked to do and I couldn't do it during a visit with my guy, I would do more of it just beforehand. Doesn't mean I didn't want to visit him.
creighton0123 Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Huh. That's rather strange with the cellphone. Texting constantly and having a phone for emergency contact are two completely different things. Can't you send him an offline MSN message or something? I am curious why you are so upset about him partying the night before he comes. Why are you extrapolating it to meaning 'he's more worried about missing out on a few party's then being here'? He might just be thinking that it's efficient use of time - he has fun with his friends before he comes to see you. If there was an activity I really liked to do and I couldn't do it during a visit with my guy, I would do more of it just beforehand. Doesn't mean I didn't want to visit him. It's not really all that strange. Mankind survived without cell phones before. That was only 20 years ago ;-) He likes to get his party on. There's not really anything innately wrong with that and, for younger folks, it doesn't really reflect on how he feels about the trip. Are you crushed because you don't want him to have fun or because he is having fun without you? If it's the former, you need to settle down. If it's the later, you need to learn how to cope with two very common emotions in LDR's: doubt and jealousy. Let us know how the trip went.
folieadeux Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 This behaviour would leave me a bit unsettled too, but only because the OP has mentioned several times that this is a new pattern in contrast to how he usually acts. Her not being able to reach him because of his lack of cell phone most likely only adds fuel to the fire...especially when emotions are running high anyway right before a visit. But with that being said, there's no need to panic just yet. If he missed his flight or said he was no longer coming, that's one thing. But it sounds as if everything is still going to plan so try not to stress and enjoy your time together. Omei, I know you had mentioned in your previous thread that you didn't want people telling you to re-evaluate your relationship based upon this one issue. However, I'll stick by what I originally posted in that thread. Him going out with his friends and paryting every once in awhile is perfectly fine. No one has the right to change anyone. However, if his new lifestyle choices no longer vibe with yours and continually make you freak out like this, then that's a problem. The pair of you just may be in different life stages right now.
Author Omei Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 (edited) I have no problem's with my SO hanging with my friend's, he does it everyday. What I am upset about is how it was 2-3 am in the morning. I tried calling his house and leaving a message to me there wasn't much on an option, he doesn't look at his e-mail we don't e-mail each other so it would prolly never cross his mind, and I don't wanna rely on leaving an offline message, I didn't tell him before hand because when I have in the past he just puts it in a desk somewhere and loses the information. I don't think im overreating, my SO has a early morning flight and he's out partying, sorry but to me this show's a huge amount of what's a priority to him and it certainly wasn't the flight and being rested to go. Yeah partying is fun, but he just finished partying twice this week is a party honestly needed on the night before your flight? Not to mention a key factor when he go's out with his friends he's picked up by them and they live about 30 mins away, so basically they take him him home when they feel like it, Last night he arrived 6 am because his friend's were too drunk to take drive him home. ^This jerk's me because what if his friend's crashed and didn't drive him home? im sure some of you are like (he'll take a bus) but he doesn't even know the transit system in his own city, he drives. It's not the friend hanging that makes me angry it's the total lack of maturity and lack of priority's and responsibility, And it's all very odd to me why this new party behavior is taking over his ability to make smart choices, sure some of you will say it's because he's 21 now...But he's been drinking with his friends years beforehand and he wont go to the bar yet because all his friends are younger and still can't get in, So I don't believe it's that. As every girl on here as prolly gone through some *jealousy* with not being able to be with their's SO's when they go out I have been that way on occasion, But in general I am very used to him going out for about 2-4 hour's a night and I have no issue with it. My anger is based on this new change of a less responsible him. I do think partying and showing up 4 hour's to flight time is very foolish, weird choice to make. Perhaps I got way too upset but I keep feeling, and he keep's showing me that this trip isn't a priority to him with the spending money and stuff like that, yeah it upset's me a lot. Elswyth- to what you said before about maybe him partying because he can't do it on his visit, we can party we always party when he's here just right now for some reason being away for 7 days and not partying is a big thing to him and it never was before, his friends don't even have any huge thing going on just the usual hang outs, he can party here too. I will let you all know how trip go's. Edited March 12, 2011 by Omei
Els Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 It's not really all that strange. Mankind survived without cell phones before. That was only 20 years ago ;-) Yeah, mankind also survived fine without electricity 50 years ago. Doesn't mean I'd find it strange that someone insists on only using candles because he is 'afraid of an electric shock'. Which is what this guy is doing, refusing entirely to use something that might potentially ease his gf's mind simply because he doesn't like what happens when people overuse/misuse it. OP, again, I understand that gut feelings are making you feel annoyed with this.. and that is okay, really. I would feel annoyed as well. Unfortunately the point is still that there is nothing intrinsically wrong with him partying the night before he comes, as long as he doesn't miss his flight. What bad consequences do you imagine would happen, other than that? Hope you guys have a nice visit!
Citizen Erased Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 All that I can see is the OP looks down on him for drinking and partying, and thinks he needs to grow up. Judgmental isn't really something most of us want in a partner.
heartshaped Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 I don't mean it in a bad way, but I don't think this irresponsible behavior is all that sudden. I think you just mean he's started partying a lot more than he was and in situations where you feel it's irresponsible to do so, but I think this guy was already irresponsible and now is engaging in even more irresponsible behavior. I say that because you mentioned that the reason you didn't give him your address earlier is because you have in the past and he puts the information in a desk somewhere and loses it. I'm sorry, but that's terribly irresponsible. If you are going to visit someone and they give you important information such as their address, you should at least be able to, as an adult, keep track of that information. Then, instead of you just giving it to him and letting him be responsible for it because you know he won't be, you are up late at night waiting on him to get home so you can give it to him while he is out partying with his friends. Yeah, now that would have pissed me off, but OP I'm starting to get the feeling that you take up the slack for this guy a lot because of his irresponsible behavior. Another example of this, was him spending the money he had for the trip on drinking. Terribly, terribly irresponsible. I'm guessing he doesn't work right? Which also in my opinion is sort of..well, not odd, but most people, at least, have a part time job or something and the fact that he's doing his masters is really no excuse to why he couldn't have a part time job. If he has time to go out and party, 2-4 nights a week, he has time for a job that could help pay for some of the costs of the visits. But you pay most of the costs for the visits and seeing things now with this new perspective, he doesn't sound like he does appreciate it that very much and takes that for granted. I mean at the very least, he could keep track of your address! The only advice I can really give you is stop taking up the slack for him and I know you care about him deeply, but can you tolerate this? It sounds like the two of you are very different in terms of responsibility and it's not fair to you to have to be accountable for someone else.
aerogurl87 Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 I understand why you'd feel like a non-priority Omei. 1) He doesn't save his money that he knows he will NEED for the trip, but spends it on partying. 2) He starts partying alot which is normally out of character for him. If my partner started to do those things, then I'd be worried too. Now if he cancels the trip or misses the flight then you two need to have a serious talk asap. And if he makes the flight, you still need to have a serious talk. I mean honestly it could be that he's starting to get into that "I want to party like a college student" phase that alot of younger people get into. I went through it and most of the people I went to university with did as well. That's normal. But if you can't live with it then you need to make your boundaries and wants known to him.
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