Importance of female looks in dating

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

 

The expression I used was clearly meant to indicate: Once you see a girl you think is attractive, approach her and base further interactions on her personality. Forget about her looks. Let her personality guide your interaction, not her looks.

 

It's really not rocket science.

 

Sheessh. You guys have these little gospel tidbits: "Ooh, everyone is attracted to looks first". Yeah. Big Woop. I noticed bf because he was attractive, but only decided to give him my number because I liked his personality. Saying looks trump personality is shallow. It must lead to some very unfulfilling interactions.

 

What do you do once you've seen a pretty woman? Do you cast away all judgement just because she meets your standards? My advice is simple: don't.

 

Here's a thought. Why don't you girls approach a man first, for personality, rather than just the good looking ones?

 

Everyone is shallow. Deal with it.

[Duckduckgoose]

I just picked the cutest farmville duck

[Movingthrough]

No, you missed my point completely. The point is that when a woman is 9 or a 10, men don't care how bad her personality is. They would find excuses for anything. She can basically be as dumb and boring as it gets. Men get completely illogical when it comes to women of such beauty.

 

She slept with his best friend? No worries, she had a bad day

 

I knew her for a month? No worries, let's propose so that this stunner doesn't get away

 

Iam a guy and i will say that while this is not 100% true - it is very common. To me there is a flip side to this, i see a lot of guys with "less attractive" girls because they are so afraid of being alone, hence the reason why us guys are so hurt after a failed relationship (or being dumped).

 

I can say that with my ex her physical features out weighed a lot of other things for me. She had a backround of infidelity and a bad past, i thought i was "special" so i looked beyond it.

 

Im willing to throw myself under the bus here and say that iam one of those guys who needs to have the looks and body on someone iam interested in. For me personally im into the more active body style, to me it represents discipline and caring for your body, which in turn means something good for the future.

 

While for me it can be seen as something in our genes or something we are born with, i think men were put here to reproduce, and engage women to do that. So, what guy isnt going to see an attractive girl and put things to side? What is the first part of attractive...attract.

 

But to answer the OP, yes guys will put other things aside for that, the problem is girls know what they are when they are "more" attractive then most, and guys get screwed when they leave them for the next one. Personally, i will never use looks as SOLELY the reason for being with someone.

[threebyfate]

So Gentlemen, if you only filter by looks, you get what you deserve and won't get what you might really want and need.

 

It does make sense not to listen to women for advice about how to date, since your average woman will tell you the same things that Kamille's telling you. And that's advice you don't want since your preference is to go for looks and only looks.

 

Some of you will eventually learn, bleeding in the process, coming to LS looking for sympathy because she done you wrong. But she didn't really do you wrong because you've effectively screwed yourself.

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I'll say it again:

 

If you don't want men to judge you by looks, don't judge men by looks.

 

If you're not willing to date a geeky or ugly guy, prepare for the geeky or ugly guy to not want to date YOU.

[fishtaco]

Sheessh. You guys have these little gospel tidbits: "Ooh, everyone is attracted to looks first". Yeah. Big Woop. I noticed bf because he was attractive, but only decided to give him my number because I liked his personality. Saying looks trump personality is shallow. It must lead to some very unfulfilling interactions.

 

Well, but it starts with looks. So a man with 8 looks and 3 personality will get rejected by you. But only after you figure out his 3. Maybe it'll take 3 months if he's good a hiding it. But a man with 3 looks and 8 personality will get absolutely nothing.

 

Also, it's easier to improve looks than personality. So from most bang for the buck perspective, work on improving looks first. If anything that'll net you more attention, even if you are a man.

 

And attention is important. If you're invisible you have zero chance. Period.

[somedude81]

So Gentlemen, if you only filter by looks, you get what you deserve and won't get what you might really want and need.

 

It does make sense not to listen to women for advice about how to date, since your average woman will tell you the same things that Kamille's telling you. And that's advice you don't want since your preference is to go for looks and only looks.

 

Some of you will eventually learn, bleeding in the process, coming to LS looking for sympathy because she done you wrong. But she didn't really do you wrong because you've effectively screwed yourself.

LOL

 

The only men who posted in this thread saying that they dated a woman purely based on her looks, also mentioned how they regretted it. No one said they would date just on looks.

 

You're lecturing to an empty room.

Edited March 14, 2011 by somedude81

[Eternal Sunshine]

I understand that you need to be attracted.

 

Say you find a girl attractive and ****able. You just don't find her so stunning that you faint from her beauty at the mere thought of her.

 

Give the attractive and ****able girl a chance and get to know her. That's all I am saying.

 

It's particularly bad if you are not crash hot yourself, yet want a 9 or 10 as your gf

[threebyfate]

LOL

 

The only men who posted in this thread saying that they dated a woman purely based on her looks, also mentioned how they regretted it. No one said they would date just on looks.

 

You're lecturing to an empty room.

Imagine a pie chart. What portion do looks take up on this pie chart? 10%, 30%, 60%, what portion? And once you've defined this number, if a "10" crooked her finger at you, would the portion shift?

[somedude81]

Again LOL!

 

Why is it that the women posting here don't seem to actually read what the guys are saying?

 

It's like girl reads a fraction of a post, makes up her own interpretation that matches what she already believes, then she tells guys what to do or gives them some sort of warning.

 

I see this pattern happening with many female posters.

 

BTW I was typing this before I saw 3's post.

[TaurusTerp]

Again LOL!

 

Why is it that the women posting here don't seem to actually read what the guys are saying?

 

It's like girl reads a fraction of a post, makes up her own interpretation that matches what she already believes, then she tells guys what to do or gives them some sort of warning.

 

I see this pattern happening with many female posters.

 

BTW I was typing this before I saw 3's post.

 

You must be new to women. This is what happens in real life, too. Over-analyzing and extrapolation.

[somedude81]

Imagine a pie chart. What portion do looks take up on this pie chart? 10%, 30%, 60%, what portion? And once you've defined this number, if a "10" crooked her finger at you, would the portion shift?

A pie chart 'eh?

 

To make things simple, there are actually two pie charts. One is labeled sex, the other is called relationship.

 

The sex pie chart is 90% looks. Meaning, that a girl has to meet my standards or I will not consider sleeping with her. For me, a girl does not have to be hot to fulfill the requirement. If a girl doesn't meet the requirments, she won't get a chance.

 

Actually girls do the exact same thing. If a guy doesn't look good enough for her, odds are she won't give him a chance either.

 

Getting back to the pie, once it's been determined that she's f-able I get to know her and and see if a relationship could work out. That's when I pay attention to personality, hobbies, common interests etc.

 

For the initial attraction, those things aren't needed yet.

 

TLDR version; my standards for sex are much lower than they are for a relationship.

 

You must be new to women. This is what happens in real life, too. Over-analyzing and extrapolation.

Sadly yes. I have very little relationship experience.

 

That's one reason why I post here, to get a feel for how girls really are. But even then it doesn't compare to a real life interaction.

[Kamille]

Notice that nowhere did I say looks and physical attraction weren't important. Those who believe I'm a naive pollyanna can get off their high horse right now.

 

In fact, what I said: yes, looks will make you approach someone (which I have done, btw, to whoever likes to believe women are passive wallflowers).

 

So looks make you approach someone. Then what? Are you focused on "winning the prize" because some bell went off in your head and you need to prove to yourself you can score a hot woman? Or are you actually focusing on whether or not the hot body you just approached has a personality you can get along with, even if just for a sexual escapade.

 

While you guys feel we might not be listening (what's to get other than looks are important - which is something we all admitted is true), I wish you guys would understand something.

 

Biology dictates that as a woman, I can't expect a guaranteed orgasm from a ONS. It doesn't matter how hot the guy is, if he is a selfish-ass, I'm wasting my time. So I have no investment in sex for the sake of sex, especially with a stranger. I have had ONS though, and both times it was with guys with whom I had titillating conversation, lots of laughs and just a general good vibe. While we were getting to know each other, it was obvious that we were on the same page, that we were compatible enough that no matter what, I would continue to have a good time if I brought them home. I could tell from that little interaction that a) I was guaranteed to continue to have a good time and b) they were likely to be considerate lovers.

 

So while you guys are chanting: "Looks open the door, looks are important", what I'm saying is : "Looks open the door, yes, but they don't get you laid". Figuring out who you can bond with gets you laid. That my friend, is personality.

 

And --- who says looks are easier to change than personality? I disagree. People who knew me in high school would be shocked by how much I have changed, personality-wise. I've worked a lot on myself to improve my attitude, to have better self-esteem, to be a generally happy, confident person. It's not easy, but it's much more fulfilling than losing five pounds.

Edited March 14, 2011 by Kamille

[welikeincrowds]

Notice that nowhere did I say looks and physical attraction weren't important. Those who believe I'm a naive pollyanna can get off their high horse right now.

 

In fact, what I said: yes, looks will make you approach someone (which I have done, btw, to whoever likes to believe women are passive wallflowers).

 

So looks make you approach someone. Then what? Are you focused on "winning the prize" because some bell went off in your head and you need to prove to yourself you can score a hot woman? Or are you actually focusing on whether or not the hot body you just approached has a personality you can get along with, even if just for a sexual escapade.

 

While you guys feel we might not be listening (what's to get other than looks are important - which is something we all admitted is true), I wish you guys would understand something.

 

Biology dictates that as a woman, I can't expect a guaranteed orgasm from a ONS. It doesn't matter how hot the guy is, if he is a selfish-ass, I'm wasting my time. So I have no investment in sex for the sake of sex, especially with a stranger. I have had ONS though, and both times it was with guys with whom I had titillating conversation, lots of laughs and just a general good vibe. While we were getting to know each other, it was obvious that we were on the same page, that we were compatible enough that no matter what, I would continue to have a good time if I brought them home. I could tell from that little interaction that a) I was guaranteed to continue to have a good time and b) they were likely to be considerate lovers.

 

So while you guys are chanting: "Looks open the door, looks are important", what I'm saying is : "Looks open the door, yes, but they don't get you laid". Figuring out who you can bond with gets you laid. That my friend, is personality.

 

And --- who says looks are easier to change than personality? I disagree. People who knew me in high school would be shocked by how much I have changed, personality-wise. I've worked a lot on myself to improve my attitude, to have better self-esteem, to be a generally happy, confident person. It's not easy, but it's much more fulfilling than losing five pounds.

 

I would read your blog

[Els]

I'll say it again:

 

If you don't want men to judge you by looks, don't judge men by looks.

 

If you're not willing to date a geeky or ugly guy, prepare for the geeky or ugly guy to not want to date YOU.

 

Very true, but this applies to both genders. Frankly, I have known more ugly men thinking they deserve pretty women, than ugly women thinking they deserve handsome guys. Of course, my experiences could be skewed.

 

For myself, I set the bar for physical appearance exceptionally low (although the bar for certain other attributes is set very high), and I think what I offer is at least equivalent to what I expect. And that is the most important thing, IMO.

Edited March 14, 2011 by Elswyth

[Kamille]

I would read your blog

 

Thanks! That means a lot coming from you.

 

I am way better at dialogues than monologues. LS is the best "blogging" format for me.

[PJKino]

I'll say it again:

 

If you don't want men to judge you by looks, don't judge men by looks.

 

If you're not willing to date a geeky or ugly guy, prepare for the geeky or ugly guy to not want to date YOU.

 

Amen..I find it hillarious women are geting on Men when looks are just as important if not more to women..

 

Women dont want to be judged on looks but want to be allowed to judge looks..

 

I know looks are whats held me back for 30 years and why i cant even get my foot in the door with women it is what it is im not complaining but dont act like its all Men and that looks arent important to women they are..

[fishtaco]

 

Enjoy.

[threebyfate]

A pie chart 'eh?

 

To make things simple, there are actually two pie charts. One is labeled sex, the other is called relationship.

 

The sex pie chart is 90% looks. Meaning, that a girl has to meet my standards or I will not consider sleeping with her. For me, a girl does not have to be hot to fulfill the requirement. If a girl doesn't meet the requirments, she won't get a chance.

 

Actually girls do the exact same thing. If a guy doesn't look good enough for her, odds are she won't give him a chance either.

 

Getting back to the pie, once it's been determined that she's f-able I get to know her and and see if a relationship could work out. That's when I pay attention to personality, hobbies, common interests etc.

 

For the initial attraction, those things aren't needed yet.

 

TLDR version; my standards for sex are much lower than they are for a relationship.

Your average woman might be attracted but she won't have sex with just anyone "doable". With many women, sex begins in the brain. Even if he looks good, if he doesn't have what she looks for within a man, he's not getting sex. Of course there are women who aren't like this, who are capable of compartmentalizing, but most women aren't, in my opinion, from a combination of nature and nurture.

 

While men aren't women and many men will do whatever's available, it's self-defeating if you're looking for relationship material since you're probably doing some bat shyte crazy women, some you're going to fall for since the sex/drama hit is high, since the criteria is so low for having sex.

[Kamille]

 

Enjoy.

 

 

I lllove it! Jennamarbles Rocks!

 

 

"Now, go get a job that's super degrading. I picked, dancing around in my underwear".

[carhill]

LOL, she's funny.

[SteveC80]

Amen..I find it hillarious women are geting on Men when looks are just as important if not more to women..

 

Women dont want to be judged on looks but want to be allowed to judge looks..

 

I know looks are whats held me back for 30 years and why i cant even get my foot in the door with women it is what it is im not complaining but dont act like its all Men and that looks arent important to women they are..

 

Women are extremely shallow,therye compalining about Men being shallow only because it hurts their chances of dating up in terms of looks which most women look to do

[GivenUp0083]

I want to open this up for discussion.

 

For the sake of this post, I will refer to female attractiveness on the scale of 1-10.

 

It's all in the eye of the beholder

 

I have often observed that true stunners, 9s and 10s have men falling at their feet anywhere they go. Not only they get asked out constantly but men want to keep them for LTR and even propose marriage much quicker than to less pretty girls. Personality here is pretty much irrrelevant. Those girls can be dumb, boring, moody - it's all good. Most men dream of being with a stunner from an early age.

 

This is true in some scenarios, but I've also heard the same for women with excellent personalities. Personality irrelevant? Depends on the man. For me, there's no way I could marry someone with no personality. Looks just aren't as important to me as being able to have fun and enjoy myself with someone.

 

This phenomenon doesn't extend to merely pretty girls (think around a 7). Sure, men would often date them and have sex with them, but these girls need to compensate for lack of being gorgeous with their personalities. This means that they have to be more entertaining, fun, acrobats in bed etc etc - for them to have a hope of men falling hard.

 

Some guys probably think "7's" are stunners, again, it's all in the eyes of the beholder.

 

Going down the scale, looking at girls that are 5 or so - the personality has to be outstanding. You get the picture.

 

Personality should always be outstanding. It's who we are that creates and suppliments the connection and physical attractiveness. Have you ever become MORE attracted to someone after you got to know them better?

 

I have often seen men marry women that are great looking but don't speak a word of English. Obviously, those men only married them for looks and strong preference for certain ethnicity.

 

I'd bet this number of men is a lot less than you think.

 

In closing, sadly the woman's looks are the single most important trait in dating.

 

In closing, you're out of your mind and you're just probably bummed out about a recent dating experience. It's easy to place blame on the entire world rather than look in front of a mirror and ask yourself what you can change and improve. It's pretty easy and effortless to just declare all men only care about looks. Maybe the men you ran into just aren't into lazy women?

 

I have seen plenty of pretty-ish or pretty girls perma-single.

 

There are single people in the world. Ugly and beautiful, has nothing to do with your looks. I know ugly girls who always have had a bf.

I have never seen a true stunner single for any length of time.

 

You must live in a cave. You're either really really stupid and live in a small, closed off community....or you're just emotionally damaged from previous experiences and you're looking for an answer that relieves you of all responsibility for your own unhappiness. I pity you for either scenario.

[Kamille]

Thanks Givenup for bringing us back to the OP.

 

There are single people in the world. Ugly and beautiful, has nothing to do with your looks. I know ugly girls who always have had a bf.

 

 

hehehe. As someone who wears glasses, is pale as an albino, doesn't bleach the **** out of her hair, always prefers the natural look and doesn't have a degrading job, I can attest to the fact that one doesn't need to be a 10 to find a boyfriend.

 

Really, seriously, I truly believe I have a winning personality. And I believe my personality explains why I'm generally happy in love.

[threebyfate]

Women are extremely shallow,therye compalining about Men being shallow only because it hurts their chances of dating up in terms of looks which most women look to do

Wrong.....