Jonah Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Is there not enough decent guys out there for you lovely ladies? I know the formative years are a part of it, yet the threads here at LS indicate that the predominance of available men are just plain jerks. Could that be playing into the becoming an OW?
jlola Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 I have never been a mistress. But I know most married men treat the OW like a queen in comparison to how he treats his wife. Don"t know what that is. My father treats his mistresses like Queens. He spoils them and throws money at them. Yettreated us like crap. part of why I refuse to speak with him now. His kids wore hand me downs though he could afford new clothes. Refused to pay for College and said we must have scholarships or pay ourselves. Yet, years ago paid for one mistress to finsih nursing school. Bought another one a car. A man so miserly. Getting involved with a married man in my opinion is like taking candy from a baby. I could be spoiled every single day of the month by adifferent MM if I chose. Most attractive women can do the same, so I am not saying that to brag. Getting a "prime" single man means you need to compete with top pier women.So you have to be on the ball. All the women he will be in contact with will be beautiful,charming,giving him their bset on dates. Mistress means only competing with wife who he has seen flaws in since he lives in reality with her. Sees her with no makeup,chasing the kids,tired. While you can go around looking "hot" everytime you see him, be at your best ,feed his ego, and give him romance.
spice4life Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 No. I don't think that is the case. Maybe in some areas where the male population is significantly lower than the average and vice versa. People get involved in affairs for a multitude of reasons. For some, it's being attracted to emotionally unavailable people and others because they are trying to fill a void that's missing in their marriage. Then you have those that are just serial cheaters for whatever reason. I think for most, it all comes down to the demons you are carrying around inside that date back to childhood. Coping mechanisms you developed growing up. And mostly, I think these demons are created during the first four years of your life when your emotional foundation is being developed. JMHO
mizliz Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Good question. For me, becoming the "OW" was a matter of convienence. Like many women (and men), I am busy and have scheduling issues that don't always correspond to the needs of others. However, everyone needs someone, sometimes - an unfortunate reality? So, perhaps it's selfishly motivated? I'm not sure about the 20-somethings because I didn't become an "OW" until my 30's. I can only assume that the 20 somethings get caught up in the attention and forget they they are in their prime. So hey, 20 somethings...You are in the prime of your life-don't waste your beauty on some 50 yr old married ass**** I can say that dating in your (late) 30's SUCKS. There is desperation mixed with baggage- not good. Women can smell it a mile away and it's a turn off. I'm sure its the same for men.
Author Jonah Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 Good question. You are in the prime of your life-don't waste your beauty on some 50 yr old married ass**** Waste? Now you just wait one durn minute mizliz! I assure you that they have a much higher appreciation for real beauty, know how to treat a lady, and a better understanding of how the world really works.
mizliz Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 My darling Jonah, You understand I meant 50 yo MARRIED MEN.
Summer Breeze Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 I've never really found that there is any lack of available single men. I dated them before xMM, during and do now. I didn't chase after a MM I kind of stumbled upon him. As far as what someone else posted about being spoiled and such, it probably does happen and I know xMM wanted to spoil me but I'm too stubborn and independent. I've never let any man throw money or 'things' at me. I didn't have any different a R with him than I did with any single men. If he took me to dinner one night I'd cook the next or I'd take him out. Gifts had a low limit on them because I do that anyway. I was spoiled by his actions to me more than anything he did for me. I never had to be any 'hotter' for him than I did for anyone else.
OWoman Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Is there not enough decent guys out there for you lovely ladies? I know the formative years are a part of it, yet the threads here at LS indicate that the predominance of available men are just plain jerks. Could that be playing into the becoming an OW? The MM I have been involved with have all been decent guys, and they've all been (or become) available - else nothing would have happened. Available is as available does. But on the spirit of the question: for me, it's been a question of what I've wanted, and where I've found that. I didn't want the demands and bind of a FTR as my life was way too full with way too many other things. My needs were more than satisfied by other Rs, so I did not need the company, affection, etc to be provided to me by a romantic R. I wanted hot, passionate sex. Without the other stuff. And I certainly didn't want someone expecting me to provide them with all the other stuff. Some posters here claim you can get that from a NSA R with a SG. My experience is very different. SGs IME may claim they want a NSA R, but that lasts until their first orgasm at most - then they start wanting you to have their babies, be their trophy to show off to their buddies, to boost their egos and to give meaning to their lives. Every single time! There was absolutely no respect for my need for space and independence. While there was no guarantee, at least there was a greater chance of finding what I was looking for from MM - and most of the time, that was what I found. And when I wanted something else, that was where I found it too.
RGP Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Seems to me mid 30s to mid40s is a tough bracket to date in. Most men I encounter at that age who aren't married, it seems easy to figure out why not. I wouldn't say that is why I got involved in an A, though. I wasn't really looking to get involved with anyone but was in kind of a vulnerable place.
Author Jonah Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 My darling Jonah, You understand I meant 50 yo MARRIED MEN. So now you are slamming 50 yo Married Men! What? Do you want us to die before we get old?
mizliz Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 So now you are slamming 50 yo Married Men! What? Do you want us to die before we get old? Yup (thanks for the chuckle)
SuzieWong Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Is there not enough decent guys out there for you lovely ladies? I know the formative years are a part of it, yet the threads here at LS indicate that the predominance of available men are just plain jerks. Could that be playing into the becoming an OW? No Jonah the truth is after having all the single men in Hong Kong and China I had no men left. So I must to date the married men. None of the reasons you ask describe why I am with my lover. We share values humor interests chemsitry and he has won my heart. I divorced my former husband after his affairs. I have learned from this. Once a man cheats church or law may say he is married but his soul has moved on. He is not married in his soul. I do not care about the papers. I care about what is in his soul.
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