We have Legal Guardianship of two kids...may be getting divorced

[jsavage1]

This is my first time posting here, I am worried that my marriage is falling apart and I am worried about the kids. Here is a little bit of my situation, any advice or encouragement would be much appreciated.

 

We have legal guardianship of my cousins two children (ages 15 & 12) both were extremely neglected, surrounded by drug abuse and poor adult behavior, have attachment issues, and are in weekly counseling to deal with their past trauma and the trauma of moving out of their home and into mine...we barely knew them when we moved them in 1.5 yrs ago.

 

My husband and I get along ok but our relationship is going downhill...most of it stems from the fact that I have no desire in the bedroom, most other areas of our relationship are ok (not great, but ok) but this area is where it really bothers my husband the most. We seem to be at a breaking point, I dont know what to do, I cant snap my fingers and fix my issue, it stems from many years of feeling like I dont fit in in my home and infidelity on my husbands side...I do love my husband very much but I dont feel like we connect, I feel like I am not heard when I try to open up and I cant talk to him about even the smallest things without him talking over me to put in "the final word" on whatever the issue is. It is hard to feel loving or passionate when I dont feel like I have a voice or friend in the house. He is not a bad guy, but he has a temper and drinks a lot. We have been to counseling after he had an affair in 2007 (before the kids were here) but it didnt seem to do much good...and here we are, ready to split because he says that I dont want him and he doesnt feel like a man.

 

I am at a loss, splitting up will ruin these kids, they have been through so much already, we brought them in to give them a home, something they have never had, and now we are going to add divorce to their long list of issues...they both have attachment issues and dont believe that anyone could ever love them and I dont want to do this to them. How do I work on this to prevent them from this pain? I want my marriage to work but i dont know how to get over this hurdle, I feel so very lost and confused.

 

Any advice would be helpful...

[willowthewisp]

You need to tell your husband you need to go back to MC because you don't feel that the two of you are communicating effectively, tell him you understand his issues with you but that you also cannot fix thses issues on your own. Tell him what you have told us, that you worry for the children as well as wanting you marriage to work. If he starts ranting etc just calmly walk away.

[GorillaTheater]

This is a tough one. On the one hand, you deserve a shot at happiness. On the other, you have two damaged kids who deserve the same. How do you reconcile that? The only overlap between the two I can see is to try to work on the marriage, following Willow's suggestion.

 

But yeah, it takes two to successfully work on a marriage. The only thing you can do is your best, so that if your marriage does implode you'll be left with as few regrets as possible, cold comfort though that may seem now. I certainly wish you and the kids the best of luck.

[jsavage1]

Thank you both for the replies, I appreciate it very much.

 

I really would like to get back into counseling, when we went the first time in 2007 I was not 100% open and honest, I did my best to not say things that would upset my husband or hurt his feelings, I tried to keep things as positive as possible with the intent that it would make things better. I

think maybe that was a mistake, I just really cant stand arguing or hurting anyones feelings, I am a calm person for the most part, rarely raise my voice, I dont typically let people walk all over me but I guess in this case it happens sometimes. I have not asked him to go back to counseling because I already know he is going to say no, he is going to say that we already tried that, I am sure of it...but...as GorillaTheater mentioned, I need to at least try so that if it does end, I can know that I at least tried.

 

Thank you both again, I really do appreciate it!