Teknoe Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 (edited) My platonic girl friends tell me to chill. I tend to fall quick and over-work so to speak. I love to email and text. I think I always send out one too many text or email, and ruin any "mystery" I may have left. To the ladies here, and experienced males, when to you does a guy just come on too strong? And how do I stop? I am always so tempted to send that text or email to the girl of interest. How do we leave them wanting more, giving JUST ENOUGH? I'm still learning how to walk this fine line. For example, my latest interest... she's been replying to my emails in-depth. She recently posted a drawing she drew while bored in class. It was a cute drawing of herself. Not the most artistic, but it was cute. So my niece the next day drew a woman on the whiteboard, and it was strikingly similar to my interest's self-drawing. I took a picture of it and sent said picture to my lady interest. I wrote: "By the way, my niece drew this today. It reminded me of the drawing you showed me last night. Not that I'm suggesting you draw like a 7 year old =P" So, what do you think? Too much too fast? It kind of lets her know I've been thinking about her, right? Does it reveal my hand? See, I tend to do things like this where I have an impulse and I act on it. Personally, I think it's kinda sweet and thoughtful. But my girl friends tell me that these kind of impulsive acts makes me come on too strong, especially early in the "getting to know each other" process. And that I should lay off the texts/emails. It is true that I tend to send one too many. I don't want to be clingy or desperate, but sometimes I can't help but think of my interest in a real life situation, and I like sharing that with her so she knows. But maybe next time I should hold my tongue/texting fingers? For the record, we see each other once a week in a large group setting, but we have yet to hang out 1 on 1 or really know each other well. We met not too long ago but have only been around each other in the large group setting. However, she's been asking me questions and asking me to do favors lately. I don't know if I'm getting a vibe from her or not, but I sense something different from her than I do all the other girls. Then again, she could just be friendly, though. Any thoughts on this situation specifically? Any thoughts on this topic question in general? Much appreciated. Edited March 11, 2011 by Teknoe
Mrlonelyone Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 The truth is my friend.... if a woman is really into you coming on to strong is not an issue. She will enjoy hearing from you even if she does not always reply. In fact the coming on too strong statement is in most cases just a way of making not liking an otherwise decent guy feel like the guys fault. Allot of women don't like to think that they were simply not attracted physically.
Author Teknoe Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 The truth is my friend.... if a woman is really into you coming on to strong is not an issue. She will enjoy hearing from you even if she does not always reply. In fact the coming on too strong statement is in most cases just a way of making not liking an otherwise decent guy feel like the guys fault. Allot of women don't like to think that they were simply not attracted physically. Thanks for the reminder and insight. Indeed, very true. If a girl digs you, she won't mind the attention and thoughtfulness. Ladies, any insights?
LondonS Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 yes totally, I know when I really like the guy, He can text me all day and I would still smile, even if I dont get time to respond all of them...dont worry I think we need more men like you who are rather open about their feelings and easy going.
Star_Bright Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 I think there's a fine line but I don't think you crossed it at all... I think what you did was sweet, and it reciprocated something she sent you. Totally fine. It's true that if a girl likes a guy she will be interested in hearing from him, and if she's not that into him it can get really annoying really quick. It's nice when this is known up front... like, instant chemistry/attraction/gut instinct. But sometimes initially there's a period where you think you like a guy but then he comes on super strong and you start to think he's needy/clingy and that sort of kills the romance and turns you off. (By the way, I think this can work vice versa... a guy or a girl coming on too strong too soon). Or you're on the fence, not sure you like the guy or not because you just met him, and suddenly he's acting like you're the Queen of Sheba and you're like, umm okay, this guy just wants a girlfriend, he can't possibly like me as much as he's acting like, because we just met. I think there needs to be a period of casually getting to know each other and expressing interest without getting too needy... thus keeping the mystery alive. That answers your question generally but in this case I think you are just fine. I think it was a good way to express your interest and let her know you were thinking about her (especially when you know it wasn't unwelcome... she sent you a drawing first). To me this is a nice balance. I don't like when guys play games or second-guess themselves according to some set of rules... so I think you should just go with your gut and do what comes naturally but just check yourself to make sure you're not coming off as too clingy/needy (which I don't think you are. I think it's an attitude, and guys who come off as clingy/needy really are clingy/needy. Still, because it happens often and people get scared off by it, it doesn't hurt to just double-check the "needy meter" ha ha before you send something and ask yourself, does this make me sound interested while still having my own life, or does it make me sound desparate, like I'm sitting around dying for her to talk to me? The drawing thing was just fine. My only concern about it is actually not about you coming across as needy... I was just hoping that she didn't think it was a great work of art and then you sent a seven-year-old's picture in comparison, ha ha. I know that's not what you meant by it and hopefully she does too -- it just reminded you of the topic of her picture, not the skill level, ha ha -- and hopefully she's not overly sensitive to think you might have meant the latter. I guess I was just thinking that maybe she sent you the drawing because drawing is important to her and she thinks it's a particular talent or skill, and then if you sent the seven-year-old's drawing, even though you joked that you're not saying it looks like hers, it might hurt her feelings. I don't know what her response was to the picture and hopefully this is not a concern. And I'm not sure of her reasoning for sending you the original drawing -- whether it was as a joke, or because she was bored in class, or because she wanted to share her art with you. In any event, good luck and just keep being yourself, I think you are doing fine.
Author Teknoe Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 I think there's a fine line but I don't think you crossed it at all... I think what you did was sweet, and it reciprocated something she sent you. Totally fine. That answers your question generally but in this case I think you are just fine. I think it was a good way to express your interest and let her know you were thinking about her (especially when you know it wasn't unwelcome... she sent you a drawing first). To me this is a nice balance. I don't like when guys play games or second-guess themselves according to some set of rules... The drawing thing was just fine. My only concern about it is actually not about you coming across as needy... I was just hoping that she didn't think it was a great work of art and then you sent a seven-year-old's picture in comparison, ha ha. I know that's not what you meant by it and hopefully she does too -- it just reminded you of the topic of her picture, not the skill level, ha ha -- and hopefully she's not overly sensitive to think you might have meant the latter. I guess I was just thinking that maybe she sent you the drawing because drawing is important to her and she thinks it's a particular talent or skill, and then if you sent the seven-year-old's drawing, even though you joked that you're not saying it looks like hers, it might hurt her feelings. I don't know what her response was to the picture and hopefully this is not a concern. And I'm not sure of her reasoning for sending you the original drawing -- whether it was as a joke, or because she was bored in class, or because she wanted to share her art with you. In any event, good luck and just keep being yourself, I think you are doing fine. Thanks for the reply. Very helpful. Well, let me share more detail: Last Friday in our large group setting she shared a story with us and it was AMAZING. She's a really great public speaker and I admire her faith. So I went on FaceBook and posted on her wall: "Great job sharing! Thanks for blessing us" She responded to my wall post on her wall "Aww thank you" Then Tuesday night I get an email FB notice that she responded again to my wall post. It said "See above for pictorial" Now, she probably did that to announce to the world, but it went directly to my email box, since it was under my wall post. I might be over-analyzing here. But of course I immediately log onto FB to see her pictorial. It was awesome and depicted the story she shared Friday night. I sent out a mass email that same night, including to her, inviting my friends to a show I'll be in next month. At the end of the email, I gave our large group Friday night thing a plug, inviting anyone to come this Friday. She replied: "Thanks for the plug! I'm really excited to see your show. I know you guys will do a mighty awesome job! Hey, would you mind coming an hour early this Friday night? The person scheduled to work the slides won't be in, so I was hoping you could do it? You just have to come an hour early and we can help show you how it's done. It's super simple. Thanks!" I was like... hmmm. She asked of a favor from me. Not that that means she's interested, but she could have asked anyone. I don't want to misread or overinterpret her gesture, it could just be how it worked out and maybe she only sees me as just a friend. But that's the email I replied to with my niece's drawing. So it wasn't like she sent the drawing DIRECTLY to me, but rather as a public FB post. However, she did direct my attention to it by responding to my wall post "(see above for pictorial)" but then again, that could just be her explaining to her universal friends, not specifically geared toward me. Then again, it could be both. See, I tend to overanalyze... She hasn't responded to my brief email where I said I'll come in to help and also sent her my niece's drawing, but it's only been about 30 hours. Plus I'll see her tonight so maybe she figures she'll mention something about it when we see each other tonight. I won't bring it up though if she doesn't. That would definitely be clingy/needy territory. I plan to just show up tonight, do the slides and be friendly but not flirty, and I'll avoid showering her with attention or moving too fast. I can't read how she feels about me, but it's so early it's kind of silly to try to read into the situation right? I always fall so fast, and end up falling face first. So I hope to do it right this time around, even if the girl doesn't like me back. I'll try my best to just chill
Author Teknoe Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 Quick update: Came early last night and when I walked in she was playing guitar with the band and singing. She gave me an enthusiastic "Hey ___!" I went over to the slides and practiced working it as she sang. I was in her line of sight and had a pretty good view of her rocking out. After the band finished playing, I left the audio booth to go to a seat. She passed me as I passed. We smiled and I put my hand up in a hi-5 position. She gave me a hi-5. Throughout the evening as the guest speakers were speaking, I saw her glancing BACK in my direction, but I think she was mainly just scanning the room to see how everyone was "responding" to the guest speakers. I guess that's something she does quite a bit of, so I don't want to overinterpret. I do know she's a gregarious gal, so I can't tell if her friendliness is just natural to me, or something more. When I got home, I saw she had responded to my email. She said --- "Great, thank you! Jeff did the slides last night... so I guess you and him can hang out, maybe he can teach you some audio as you hang with us music folks. Love the picture. See you soon." --- So my question is, I really want to reply back (say on Monday) and just tell her I had a good time, and it was nice to help out... coming early to see what a process this is and how so many people put in the hard work to make all of this possible. I felt like I had a "backstage pass" and I'd like to tell her if she ever needs a sub in the future, she can count on me. I'd also like to tell her that I love her singing. Her vocals are really soothing. Should I hold off on this email? See, my thing is, I always email/text too much. Should I wait and see if she'll send me an email, like maybe "Hey, so what did you think of Friday night? Thanks again for helping out. blah blah" ? Will she send that email if she's interested in me? Or is the ball now in my court, since she sent the last email? Should I tell her what a good time I had that night, and how I love her singing? Is there a danger such an email might put me in the friend zone? Or... the zone that I'm too easy and not a challenge? I was very tempted to email her last night when I got home, but I told myself to wait until Monday at the least. Ladies, please help me out. Thanks.
Movingthrough Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 This is a common problem with guys and it is a fine line, personally i think a lot of guys do just do too much, but a lot of guys just want to let out what they are feeling. I also hate to hold things in when im feeling them, especially if im feeling it, plus you feel like you are playing games and most of us just want to be honest not play games. I think hanging back a little bit would help with you, but i also think if you met the right one you could be yourself and not hold back anything, because it would be a good match and she would like that about you. Maybe look at it like what you have done has not worked out the way you wanted it too, so just switch it up a little. To me you just sound honest but some girls take that as desperate..
Author Teknoe Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 This is a common problem with guys and it is a fine line, personally i think a lot of guys do just do too much, but a lot of guys just want to let out what they are feeling. I also hate to hold things in when im feeling them, especially if im feeling it, plus you feel like you are playing games and most of us just want to be honest not play games. I think hanging back a little bit would help with you, but i also think if you met the right one you could be yourself and not hold back anything, because it would be a good match and she would like that about you. Maybe look at it like what you have done has not worked out the way you wanted it too, so just switch it up a little. To me you just sound honest but some girls take that as desperate.. Hmm, thanks for your 2 cents. Agree that obviously my style hasn't worked, then again is it my style or just meeting NOT the right one? Then again, changing it up a bit can't kill me, certainly can't hurt to just lay off the emails and see how things naturally progress. Maybe I gain a good friend in the process. Anyone else with any feedback?
Author Teknoe Posted March 28, 2011 Author Posted March 28, 2011 Quick update: I sent her a lengthy email response, sharing a story with her that happened to me in 2010. It was several paragraphs long. She hasn't responded yet but I'm sure she read through it all. I feel like I may have overdone it once again. But reading through the replies again I also agree that if I meet my match, she won't mind but would in fact love to read it all and respond back. My plan now is to slooooow my role and cool my jets. I always over-contact when I begin to really dig a woman. That's my pitfall, pardon the pun.
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