Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 No, that is not me in my avatar. That is the singer Fish, from the 80's band Marillion (one of my favorite bands.) That pic was taken in the 80's, when he was still with the band. I look a lot like Steven Wilson, the lead singer/guitarist/main songwriter of Porcupine Tree (the band.) I will provide a pic. http://www.wpm003.com/images/steven2006.jpg My problem isn't my looks, it's the fact that I'm not a social butterfly, and I don't "fit in" well. Maybe I have Aspergers, I don't know. All I know is, I've always been "the outcast", and that is who I am. Girls have found me cute before, but since I never have had a cool image, they always move on to the football player, or the jock, or the player. I have female friends...who are all married with kids. The last single female friend I had just got engaged. I don't bring up my love life with them, and they assume I'm gay. Why would they not? I never make a move on them, or anyone around them! I've never seen the 40 year old virgin movie, at least not all of it, but the lead character (at least quotes from the movie) reminds me so much of myself. Right down to the love of scifi and fantasy, and the love of prog rock. And also the social awkwardness, and the disinterest in sex around girls in real life (while, at the same time, desiring sex, but hiding it because I like them so much that I leave them alone!)
Eeyore79 Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Women could care less if a man dies a virgin. All they want to do is pay attention to the guys who are A.) good looking, B.) socially adept, and C.) rich. If you don't fit this criteria, you might as well just give up, because no woman will want to be with you. And she'll make fun of you for being a virgin, and the only way out is either through getting prostitutes, or suicide. My boyfriend was a virgin in his late twenties when I met him. He's a shy, quiet person, is ok looking but not universally considered to be hot, and he earns a salary that I'd class as roughly average. And no, I didn't make fun of him for being a virgin - I tried to be understanding and we had a few attempts before he felt relaxed enough to pop his cherry. You're claiming that girls are only interested in handsome/popular/rich guys, and my boyfriend isn't one of those but he still has a girlfriend, so you're clearly wrong. Perhaps the type of girls you're interested in are only interested in that sort of guy, which says more about your taste in women than about women in general. My boyfriend didn't get a hot blonde popular girl - he got me, a shy girl with glasses and brown hair. There are women who are interested in nice guys, but they're probably not the type of hot trophy girlfriend that some guys want; they get turned down by all the Barbie doll type girls and then say that women are bitches, while simultaneously ignoring all the average mousy quiet girls who might actually be interested in them.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 No, that is not me in my avatar. That is the singer Fish, from the 80's band Marillion (one of my favorite bands.) That pic was taken in the 80's, when he was still with the band. I look a lot like Steven Wilson, the lead singer/guitarist/main songwriter of Porcupine Tree (the band.) I will provide a pic. http://www.wpm003.com/images/steven2006.jpg My problem isn't my looks, it's the fact that I'm not a social butterfly, and I don't "fit in" well. Maybe I have Aspergers, I don't know. All I know is, I've always been "the outcast", and that is who I am. Girls have found me cute before, but since I never have had a cool image, they always move on to the football player, or the jock, or the player. I have female friends...who are all married with kids. The last single female friend I had just got engaged. I don't bring up my love life with them, and they assume I'm gay. Why would they not? I never make a move on them, or anyone around them! I've never seen the 40 year old virgin movie, at least not all of it, but the lead character (at least quotes from the movie) reminds me so much of myself. Right down to the love of scifi and fantasy, and the love of prog rock. And also the social awkwardness, and the disinterest in sex around girls in real life (while, at the same time, desiring sex, but hiding it because I like them so much that I leave them alone!) I think you need to talk to at least one friend about your love life. Maybe two, tops. Preferably two that don't know each other. At this point any advice they can give will be better than none.
Kamille Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 No, that is not me in my avatar. That is the singer Fish, from the 80's band Marillion (one of my favorite bands.) That pic was taken in the 80's, when he was still with the band. I look a lot like Steven Wilson, the lead singer/guitarist/main songwriter of Porcupine Tree (the band.) I will provide a pic. http://www.wpm003.com/images/steven2006.jpg My problem isn't my looks, it's the fact that I'm not a social butterfly, and I don't "fit in" well. Maybe I have Aspergers, I don't know. All I know is, I've always been "the outcast", and that is who I am. Girls have found me cute before, but since I never have had a cool image, they always move on to the football player, or the jock, or the player. I have female friends...who are all married with kids. The last single female friend I had just got engaged. I don't bring up my love life with them, and they assume I'm gay. Why would they not? I never make a move on them, or anyone around them! I've never seen the 40 year old virgin movie, at least not all of it, but the lead character (at least quotes from the movie) reminds me so much of myself. Right down to the love of scifi and fantasy, and the love of prog rock. And also the social awkwardness, and the disinterest in sex around girls in real life (while, at the same time, desiring sex, but hiding it because I like them so much that I leave them alone!) So what are some steps you can identify to help you change how you act around women? Because, really, that seems to be the one major issue that you yourself have idenfied.
TouchedByViolet Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 So what are some steps you can identify to help you change how you act around women? Because, really, that seems to be the one major issue that you yourself have idenfied. I feel the same way. Also, ask your married friends on advice in socializing, meeting women, and getting dates. Honest friends can be a great resource. Focus on self improvement. Sounds like you have the basics in terms of attracting a women but don't have the social skills/personailty to build on the attraction.
welikeincrowds Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Girls have found me cute before, but since I never have had a cool image, they always move on to the football player, or the jock, or the player. I don't bring up my love life with them, and they assume I'm gay. Why would they not? I never make a move on them, or anyone around them!The most common thing I find among people who make arguments like these, OP, is that they almost never take responsibility for their situation, even when the need for it is obvious. Most often they shift the cause to some outlying factors, particularly those out of their control (stuff they were born with, society, women, etc.). It's not surprising of course. We naturally defend our actions, because we made them. If we believed it made sense to do something differently, generally we would have done that instead. Resist that temptation. What you want is not out of your reach. You instinctively know this or you wouldn't be so frustrated, the same reason you're not so frustrated that you can't live on Mars. You have to make the next step, and admit to yourself that the reason you haven't found a girl is because of you preventing yourself from doing so. There is nothing you have listed in this thread that you cannot cope with. You will have to make concessions and put in effort but so do we all.
Intricategirl Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 I get you and you're not here to assist Leaning. Nope, absolutely not. However, I will feel free to post my opinions and thoughts, just the same as anyone else on this board, thank you.
betterdeal Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 (edited) Lots of good advice here. You are almost certainly missing a million and one cues from women who are interested in you. Took me years to realise the amount of sex there is in the air when men and women meet. Two things held me back: phimosis (tight foreskin making erections painful (I didn't know any better - had it all my post-pubescent life) and fear of getting hurt / rejected / turn down. That first problem is fixed by circumcision or topical hormone treatment. See your doctor if you think that might be an issue for you. As for the second one, accepting who we are is how we deal with being let down. I like cycling. I cycle to work every day. In my youth I broke my shoulder, knee, big toe falling off bikes and each time it hurt like hell. But I still cycle. I love it. But now I wear hi-vis clothing, a helmet and am much more road aware. Maybe I'll be knocked off again by an inconsiderate motorist, but I won't be falling off due to trying to things I'm not good at. Whenever I've tried to bed a woman, they've seen right through it and found it funny at best and tedious at worst. I even thought that being a bad boy was the trick and that meant pushing, bullying, being nasty. They saw right through that too and called my bluff. What women like about me, is me. The same goes for you. Whatever you are, whoever you are, just be you. You befriend women and some think you're gay. You know why that is? They wonder why you keep missing those cues, those barely perceptible winks, the gaze held a fraction too long, the change of scent in the air and the like. When you get those tingles, those butterflies in your stomach, it's not random. Your subconscious, your soul, your inner, real self is taking in all these cues and reacting. Don't be ashamed, don't try to be anything other than yourself, and just accept what your subconscious is screaming out to you - you're a man, she's a woman, you both have some interest in each other. Enjoy the sensation. Maybe take the lead some times, but don't push. Get to know your real self and e.n.j.o.y the sensations. Rinse and repeat. Edited March 11, 2011 by betterdeal
Eddie Edirol Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Hey Muse, how exactly are women supposed to be attracted to you when you are walking around with the attitude of a victim? How is a victim supposed to be attractive to other people? The sooner you fully accept that everyone is only out for themselves, the happier you will be. The sooner you accept that doing for things for people that didnt earn it is bad for your image and self esteem, the better you will be. Heres a twist on all of your logic, if you really want to learn how to deal with women, PM me. i can help you.
NoMagicBullet Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 All I know is, I've always been "the outcast", and that is who I am. But that is not all you are. You're pretty bitter and cynical right now, but you're blaming it on women for not liking who you are. What's really going on is that you're buying into views presented by society and the media that you are not likable for who you are. I disagree with fortyninethousand322 and the general view that something has to be wrong with a person for being over the age of 25 and still a virgin, never having kissed someone, whatever. Sure, there are likely reasons for this, but I do not buy into the idea that such a person is fundamentally flawed, unlikeable, or unlovable. Yeah, maybe there is extra work to be done in developing better social skills or getting past negative childhood experiences, but things can get better. I wish we could all get past the brainwashing that we have to have a list of so-called "normal" experiences checked off by a certain age, and that if we don't, we are lesser human beings because of it. It's crap, but it's dumped on us every single day. And we make the mistake of dumping it on ourselves and others. OP, take a breather, turn off the computer, the TV, the radio and all that, and go do something fun, just for yourself. Take a friend or two, but only if they're positive and upbeat, not someone to reinforce your bitterness. Get out and just try to enjoy being you in that moment. Then try to shed these negative attitudes about yourself and the opposite sex. Holding onto these bitter stereotypes is not going to help you.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 But that is not all you are. You're pretty bitter and cynical right now, but you're blaming it on women for not liking who you are. What's really going on is that you're buying into views presented by society and the media that you are not likable for who you are. I disagree with fortyninethousand322 and the general view that something has to be wrong with a person for being over the age of 25 and still a virgin, never having kissed someone, whatever. Sure, there are likely reasons for this, but I do not buy into the idea that such a person is fundamentally flawed, unlikeable, or unlovable. Yeah, maybe there is extra work to be done in developing better social skills or getting past negative childhood experiences, but things can get better. I wish we could all get past the brainwashing that we have to have a list of so-called "normal" experiences checked off by a certain age, and that if we don't, we are lesser human beings because of it. It's crap, but it's dumped on us every single day. And we make the mistake of dumping it on ourselves and others. OP, take a breather, turn off the computer, the TV, the radio and all that, and go do something fun, just for yourself. Take a friend or two, but only if they're positive and upbeat, not someone to reinforce your bitterness. Get out and just try to enjoy being you in that moment. Then try to shed these negative attitudes about yourself and the opposite sex. Holding onto these bitter stereotypes is not going to help you. I never said something "has" to be wrong. I said "likely" and that "odds are" that there are negative consequences to being a late bloomer. This doesn't necessarily mean that the person is completely damaged goods, but that they might have a little tweaking to do here or there. Often the issues are circumstantial not fundamental or intrinsic. And some women would not mind dating a guy without experience, but in my experience many would. Granted, everyone is different, I'm talking about generalities. The OP would like to meet a girl and start dating he has wanted to for a while. He's old enough to do so, and most people his age have. How could that not have negative affects on someone?
HeavenOrHell Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 I've never fitted in and nor has my partner and neither of us have wanted to, who wants to fit in? Boring! I want to be myself. I'm not interested in anyone with a cool image, shallow c*** as far as I'm concerned. >And also the social awkwardness, and the disinterest in sex around girls in real life (while, at the same time, desiring sex, but hiding it because I like them so much that I leave them alone!)< My partner could have written that in his 20's. he went on to have a very LTR and now is with me. No, that is not me in my avatar. That is the singer Fish, from the 80's band Marillion (one of my favorite bands.) That pic was taken in the 80's, when he was still with the band. I look a lot like Steven Wilson, the lead singer/guitarist/main songwriter of Porcupine Tree (the band.) I will provide a pic. http://www.wpm003.com/images/steven2006.jpg My problem isn't my looks, it's the fact that I'm not a social butterfly, and I don't "fit in" well. Maybe I have Aspergers, I don't know. All I know is, I've always been "the outcast", and that is who I am. Girls have found me cute before, but since I never have had a cool image, they always move on to the football player, or the jock, or the player. I have female friends...who are all married with kids. The last single female friend I had just got engaged. I don't bring up my love life with them, and they assume I'm gay. Why would they not? I never make a move on them, or anyone around them! I've never seen the 40 year old virgin movie, at least not all of it, but the lead character (at least quotes from the movie) reminds me so much of myself. Right down to the love of scifi and fantasy, and the love of prog rock. And also the social awkwardness, and the disinterest in sex around girls in real life (while, at the same time, desiring sex, but hiding it because I like them so much that I leave them alone!)
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 I guess I was really depressed today, when I started this thread. I went back to bed for 4 hours, and now regret starting this. Yes, I know I'm depressed. I'm sleeping 16 out of 24 hours nowadays. My dream life is more exciting than my real life, at least I get love, sex, and relationships in it! And thanks, HOH. It's thoughts like yours that are really refreshing. There are women out there like you...problem is, like you, they've already got geeky boyfriends! There are 2 male geeks for every 1 female geek lover.
Imajerk17 Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 (edited) Women could care less if a man dies a virgin. All they want to do is pay attention to the guys who are A.) good looking, B.) socially adept, and C.) rich. If you don't fit this criteria, you might as well just give up, because no woman will want to be with you. And she'll make fun of you for being a virgin, and the only way out is either through getting prostitutes, or suicide. EDIT: I reread your posts. The toughest thing is to learn social skills. Therapy would not be a bad idea for you in the meanwhile, man. (No shame in that, lots of us have done it...) Edited March 12, 2011 by Imajerk17
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 EDIT: I reread your posts. The toughest thing is to learn social skills. Therapy would not be a bad idea for you in the meanwhile, man. (No shame in that, lots of us have done it...) I've been to therapy. Didn't help. The meds I was put on helped a bit, but didn't completely. I mean, how do you medicate someone who's lonely because he has trouble attracting women? The loneliness comes from not having someone, not from not having medication to treat depression. Depression feeds on loneliness, which feeds on depression. I know I'm not going to kill myself. I value life too much, and as a Christian, I view suicide as a sin. But there is no denying that I'm pretty well screwed (and not in the good way.)
betterdeal Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 The meds I was put on helped a bit, but didn't completely. I mean, how do you medicate someone who's lonely because he has trouble attracting women? The loneliness comes from not having someone, not from not having medication to treat depression. Depression feeds on loneliness, which feeds on depression. Learning how to be alone instead of lonely will help you live a happier life. Learn how to enjoy your own company. You might as well: you're going to spend a lot of time in it; and if you expect someone else to do so too, then you might as well make it good company for them to be in. You don't have trouble attracting women: you're growing and learning more about yourself. Now is a time to treat yourself well, to be your own best friend, to do stuff for you. I like money - it doesn't make me happy but it does help me to do things that make me happy (like eat a nice meal or go on holiday). That's one of the main reasons I work. I *could* stop working, become a bum and live off things I find in bins. But I prefer my house and nice food and having the money to have both. I make money for my sake. I like feeling well. Part of that is exercise. That's one of the main reasons I do yoga and why I'm losing weight. It makes me feel good. More physical wellness feels good. I do it for my sake. I like people. Not all people, but generally I like to socialise, be able to talk to people, enjoy company. That's why I go and do things that bring me into contact with people. I go to chess club, yoga, massage, play racquet-ball, go to the pub, chat on the internet. I do it for my sake. There are literally billions of people poorer than you, physically uglier than you, more socially inept than you, and they have relationships, kids, arguments, nagging, sex, bills, laughter, love, affairs, boredom. You know - stuff. So it's not money, it's not looks, it's not about women, and it's not social skills. It's about you. You are in a growth period in your life. Take this opportunity to try out new things. Try yoga classes. Try swimming. Try skinny dipping at midnight. Try joining a book club. Try going for a walk. Try doing some charity work with homeless people or old people. Learn guitar. Join a band. Try anything at all and if you like it, do it some more. Get more out of life. Sex is fun, but, honestly, it's about 5% of all the fun there is to have out there.
Titania22 Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Hey Leaning, I feel you, and you know what, your time will come. Lots of people here have giving you good advice. And a few of us know the ups and downs of the depression rollercoaster. And although rare in the modern world, there are those of us who will do things to help and support others in making their dreams come true, even when there is no obvious personal benefit. On the one hand when you finally do get the sex, you will probably wonder why you thought it was such a big deal, but on the other hand, since you have struggled so long to get it, hopefully it will feel like a real accomplishment when you get it. I read what you said about 2 geek guys, to every 1 girl that like geek guys, and it made me think of china with their 1child policy, and how many girl babies were killed, because people preferred having sons, and now there is a huge imbalance between the numbers of women and numbers of men there. So from that perspective 2:1 isn't as bad of a ratio as say 10:1, but i know from your perspective it still sucks. Something else to consider is that different places have different ratios of men to women. Sydney, where I live, has a greater density of women, so it is very hard for women here to find a relationship, whereas, I have heard that i would have a much easier time finding a man in america or europe as apparently there is a greater density of men there.
Els Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 OP, I think you need to take a break from these forums. This is NOT real life. I repeat, NOT real life. You can often find the most insensitive, narcissistic comments here that you would be hard pressed to find in real life. Stop listening to them before you become a waynebrady yourself, because your opening post is looking close to it.
HeavenOrHell Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 You're welcome I've PM'ed you. I empathise with the depression as I've suffered with bouts of myself over the years. Hope my PM will be of some use. I guess I was really depressed today, when I started this thread. I went back to bed for 4 hours, and now regret starting this. Yes, I know I'm depressed. I'm sleeping 16 out of 24 hours nowadays. My dream life is more exciting than my real life, at least I get love, sex, and relationships in it! And thanks, HOH. It's thoughts like yours that are really refreshing. There are women out there like you...problem is, like you, they've already got geeky boyfriends! There are 2 male geeks for every 1 female geek lover.
Mark11 Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Women could care less if a man dies a virgin. All they want to do is pay attention to the guys who are A.) good looking, B.) socially adept, and C.) rich. If you don't fit this criteria, you might as well just give up, because no woman will want to be with you. And she'll make fun of you for being a virgin, and the only way out is either through getting prostitutes, or suicide. Hey Leaning. Interesting post you started. I actually feel the same as you except I'm not as depressed about it. Life is hard for some people. And yes, I guess it is hard for some of us to get relationships and sex. I'm glad to hear the advice that ppl are giving you and that you're not gonna commit suicide. Alot of ppl have problems and life can be challenging and frustrating, but whatever your situation and circumstances, you gotta keep going and do the best you can. I've been to therapy too. The best therapist for me was one I saw last year at my school that was a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist. Also I read, take swimming lessons, surf the net, watch movies, volunteer, play video games, and read about current events. Soon I'll be going back to school and hope to start working out again. And of course it's ideal to have real lasting relationships or even just FOB's, but contrary to popular belief, there's nothing wrong with prostitution as a contingency plan. I'm not talking about drug using street whores, I'm talkin about clean, reputable, well reviewed escorts and the girls at the brothels. I came to that crossroads almost 8 years ago, when I noticed regardless of how hard I tried, I couldn't get a woman THAT I WANTED to save my life. Now I could settle for one that I dont, but what's the point. So I could either go on not getting any, or pay for it and get what I want and have some fun. My point is that if you're depressed about not having a woman, there are things related and unrelated to your sex life that you can do to make it more enjoyable so you're not so depressed, because I know that's no way to live.
Eeyore79 Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 The meds I was put on helped a bit, but didn't completely. I mean, how do you medicate someone who's lonely because he has trouble attracting women? The loneliness comes from not having someone, not from not having medication to treat depression. Depression feeds on loneliness, which feeds on depression. I was in a similar situation. I told my therapist that the only way to fix my depression was to have friends and a partner, and she couldn't magic those things up for me, so she couldn't help me. I strongly felt that my depression was not a treatable illness because it was entirely due to my situation, which I felt too depressed to change, and which I really felt that I couldn't change anyway. I was kinda wanting to be magically fixed without actually having to do anything to achieve it. I felt that I was too depressed to do anything, but when I forced myself to do something, it actually fixed the depression. It was hard to drag myself out of bed and force myself to talk to people, take up a hobby, and generally build a more productive life. But I now realize that before I could have a partner, I had to become the type of person who someone would want to have as a partner! You really need to stop lying in bed feeling sorry for yourself; it's accomplishing nothing. If loneliness is causing your depression, go out and fix the loneliness - you will have to go out there as a depressed person and start meeting people, and it will be a struggle, but gradually the depression will go away as the loneliness goes away.
somedude81 Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Yes, I know I'm depressed. I'm sleeping 16 out of 24 hours nowadays. My dream life is more exciting than my real life, at least I get love, sex, and relationships in it! You get love, sex and relationships in your dreams?! No fair. I rarely dream, or at least rarely aware of them. I've also never had sex in my dreams. I've gotten close a couple of times but either something happens in the dream to change that path or I wake up
Author LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted March 12, 2011 Author Posted March 12, 2011 You get love, sex and relationships in your dreams?! No fair. I rarely dream, or at least rarely aware of them. I've also never had sex in my dreams. I've gotten close a couple of times but either something happens in the dream to change that path or I wake up Yeah, I've had some pretty wild sex dreams. One, I had as a teenager, involved me and Sarah Michelle Gellar naked in a shower (and a variety of sex acts.) Another had me getting a blowjob from Christina Aguilera. It's funny, I actually feel "something" when having sex in my dreams. If sex is anything like what I dream about, how it feels, then sex is definitely not overrated. I was in a similar situation. I told my therapist that the only way to fix my depression was to have friends and a partner, and she couldn't magic those things up for me, so she couldn't help me. I strongly felt that my depression was not a treatable illness because it was entirely due to my situation, which I felt too depressed to change, and which I really felt that I couldn't change anyway. I was kinda wanting to be magically fixed without actually having to do anything to achieve it. I felt that I was too depressed to do anything, but when I forced myself to do something, it actually fixed the depression. It was hard to drag myself out of bed and force myself to talk to people, take up a hobby, and generally build a more productive life. But I now realize that before I could have a partner, I had to become the type of person who someone would want to have as a partner! You really need to stop lying in bed feeling sorry for yourself; it's accomplishing nothing. If loneliness is causing your depression, go out and fix the loneliness - you will have to go out there as a depressed person and start meeting people, and it will be a struggle, but gradually the depression will go away as the loneliness goes away. I see what you mean. And I generally am a pretty happy person. I am listening to one of my favorite comedians right now, and laughing my ass off (I'm laughing so hard I can barely type, lol.) I have a great sense of humor, and love life...and I find peace in new music, movies, tv shows, and other stuff (as mark as said.) It just feels like something is lacking, and I don't know how to "get over it." I can write a song, but I can't ask out a girl. I can play a kickass guitar solo, but I can't get a date. Maybe I'm blessed in ways that others aren't, but they're blessed in ways that I'm not...and I end up looking like the weirdo, because I don't play by society's rules. Thanks HOH, I sent you back a PM (at least, I think I did...let me know if you got it.)
Eclypse Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Hey there mate, I can empathise with you to a certain degree (I was a virgin for a long while, then I lost it). Although I got a girlfriend considerably before you I don't think that feeling of longing changes much as you get older. It was on my mind a lot so I know what you're going through man... Anyway, as cliched as it sounds and I'm sure you've heard this before: Just live your life as you would normally do and don't be actively looking for a relationship. It will hit you when you least expect it, and it will be amazing. For me it was my first ever kiss with my friends younger sister at a drunken party just over a year ago. Not one of my finer moments but my life completely changed. Doors were magically opened it seemed. Now there are heaps of women interested in me (not that I'm allowed to do much with them because of gf ) but the point is you need to act like you're not looking for it. That's what's attractive to women. If you go around following them like a puppy dog, it won't work out. When I say don't be actively pursuing women I mean don't go around asking every hot chick you see, however if you see an opportunity arise you'd better jump on it fast and grab it tight before someone else can wrest it from you! I used to feel similar to you do. I was pretty pissed off at those girls who wouldn't pay me any attention. I hated womenfolk. But whether we agree with it or not that's the simple fact of life and you have to adapt to it. Everyone out there you meet is only looking out for numero uno and I suggest you do the same. Confidence is key. Let's not forget what Tim Robbin's character told us: Either get busy living, or get busy dying. Don't take that literally, but get out there! P.S I am similar to you. I'm dreadfully antisocial, I listen to prog rock and psychadelia (which no one my age seems to like anymore) and feel more confident online than in real life. It CAN be overcome
Leeway Harris Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Sometimes a person who's obviously in a lot of pain will start a thread like this, and a bunch of people will pile on top of him, just to say "Get a load of the loser!" And then there's this thread. It's nice to see people sincerely trying to help someone in distress. I can think of a few regular posters who would've injected their hate into the discussion right away, just to make things worse. I'm glad none of them have made it to this thread yet. To the OP, I know you said you tried therapy, but it takes a really long time. And it also takes the right therapist. Sometimes you have to go through a few that you're just not connecting with before you find one you feel understood by. Do you have insurance? If possible, don't limit yourself to therapists who are preferred by your plan. I had to go out-of-network to get a good one. It's a little more expensive for me, because they cover less of the total, and it's a pain because you have to fill out an annoying claim form to get them to pay, but it's worth it because I found a good, dedicated professional who genuinely helps me.
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