killer_cain Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 This is a long story sorry..... I have made the worst mess of my life. I've been with a girl 4 years she is now 34, the last year I moved to a different country to be with her, I stayed at her place where she lives with her sister, only temporarily, but ended up living there & basically I sat around while she did everything for me, getting my visa sorted etc. - I got a job but otherwise, I was a useless thoughtless careless arsehole, completely withdrew into myself, didn't even talk with people at work, stopped going out and became a recluse, drinking on my own & way too much & dragged her down with me...I got so used to living this way - I didn't even notice. Even when she tried many times to get me to talk or consider the future, I never listened. On 14th of Feb just gone, instead of the ring she was expecting I got her worse than useless crap. That moment she realised I did not understand what would make her happy or what she wanted from our relationship, she was upset & angry like I never seen. The next morning she demanded a commitment from me & I walked out of the house while she was begging me to talk. That evening she told me our relationship was finished - I still didn't take any of it seriously. I moved out and now can see with sickening clarity all the crap I put her through. I have completely changed as a person since it all happened. But she seen her ex since - now is imaging a future with him - and won't listen to me. I have gone over every detail in my life and changed myself - but she is beyond anger, she is just too fed up with me to care. We can't even have space because we actually sit across from each other at work! I can't bail on the job, I need it to show her I am a responsible person - having never taken responsibility before. I have tried explaining everything I feel and now understand what I did to her - sometimes it seems to make sense to her, sometimes she is worse than ever - her feelings are very up and down. She tells me not to bother - she has feelings for her ex etc. - I know it's a rebound cos she is sick of me & I feel she would be with anyone who offered her hope & comfort now. When she thinks of being with me she just remembers all the stress & pressure I put her under & just the thought of that puts her in a pissy mood. But I really love this girl & want to do whatever it takes to get her back, I will still try to win her until the bitter end but the more I try the more I seem to push her away. It is all because of me & I accept this. I realise how much I have hurt her emotionally, but now I am confident in myself yet not hopeful of a re-union (if that makes sense) but I won't give up. I am Really sorry for the long read guys, I want to listen to anyone who took the time to read all my idiot-brain-created stupidity, If anyone can give me advice or even tell me to quit I will listen - I just don't want us both to regret the last 4 years of our lives. Again, Thanks for taking the time.
PegNosePete Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Dude you have blown it with her. She has moved on. You need to accept this and take it as a life lesson not to repeat with the next person. If she sees you have changed then maybe one day she will want to try again but you can't force her. Don't hold your breath. You need to move on dude, she has.
rikk60 Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Wow does this sound familiar. With all love and honesty, perhaps you might consider slowing down. Stopping even... Stop figuring it out. It's really hard, but if you've landed in a place where you're alone and drinking over a woman, maybe she's not the right one. If you still think she is... stop. Take your time and be very clear, if you can, as to why you feel the way you do. Look at the positives and negatives in the both of you. I'm not a guru and I sure ain't God, but I went through something very similar for over two years. Dropped me to my knees. Bigtime. As tough as it was, it really helped me to see, over time, that I have the right to make good choices and be my own best friend. As well, I have to grow the hhhheck up and be accountable for the choices I have already made. Good and bad. Doesn't do any good to punish yourself. It's wasted time and we have so damn little of it when it comes down to it. Hey, good luck. I wish you the best.
Author killer_cain Posted April 5, 2011 Author Posted April 5, 2011 Well guys after six weeks of telling her giving as much space as I could & over & over everything I felt inside & what I thought of myself & going through every detail in my life we are back together. It was down to being honest, realistic and in the end being the guy she loved in the first place.
Mov Posted April 5, 2011 Posted April 5, 2011 I'm glad for you, Just don't make the same mistakes, you are very lucky to get a 2nd chance!
Recommended Posts