liliyah Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Well here goes i was with my bf for over a year he was great loving always buying flowers for me very affectionat great with my 2 children but a few months ago he became distant no cuddles no holding hands then the phone calls got shorter so i ask what was going on he said that the kids we to much for him... note he was only at my house on the weekends any way he said that he will get over it and that he loved my kids dearly he got better then again he went weird and this monday he called and told me that is was over that his heart wasnt there anymore but he was going to be very sad without me in his life he was going to be heart broken ?yeah what about me well i got angry i called him all sorts of names i used the "im going to kill my self" thing and " i will change" and the begging of course he just hung up .. then he text me on the tuesday telling me that he was sorry for hurting me and that he couldnt live without me being his friend ?? so that got me confused how can i stay friends after what just happend.. so i would like to know if now is the time i need to do the NC if so should i tell him or just let it go? really need answers and when will the crying stop
Mcnulty Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Definitely go NC. he can't have the best of both worlds, it's not fair on you or your kids, as they will be feeling a loss also, with him leaving. He cited the kids were too much...end of in my book, if someone didn't accept my son, I would kick them into touch, no hesitation, even if I was in love with that person. You and your kids are the package and he doesn't want that.
PegNosePete Posted March 11, 2011 Posted March 11, 2011 Yep don't accept a demotion to friend. He's only saying that to feel less guilty about hurting you. It's all about him, not you. So do not accept that. NC him.
Author liliyah Posted March 11, 2011 Author Posted March 11, 2011 Thanks he's coming this afternoon to talk I will be back with what he had to say thanks again
MasonM618 Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 Hey Lili, Well to start with, saying things like you're going to "kill yourself" and begging him are 2 things that will work very well at NEVER getting him back. This just makes you look seriously desperate and crazy and this is gauranteed to only scare him away completely! Words of advice take a few days off from him to clear your head a little. Spend quality time with your kids, friends, family, and do things that you find fun or things that make you feel better about yourself (i.e. hair or nails done). When you talk to him again keep it light. If you still care about him tell him you would like to remain friends, it has to start from there anyhow, but keep it as just that --FRIENDS!- Don't randomly "hook up" it will only make matters worse, trust me. If he finds the kids to be too much, than you can't force him to be able to deal with it. Bottom line take a little break, stay friends, keep it light, and if possible seek professional help. Start from there. P.S. If things don't work out remember that there are a million guys out there and though it may seem like he is the only one, I am sure you loved someone deeply before. Furthermore, Im sure you thought the same thing about previous loves but that was evidently not the truth!
Trovador Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 He's being honest and like everybody else you should try to respect his wishes (of ending the relationship) because nobody can force a person to love them or stay with them... it's sad, of course, and despite you will get better (we all do) there will be really bad days... being now just friends is sort of demeaning (imo) so if it's a big deal to you, let him go because the friendship with an ex it's more painful than going NC...
depplover_1980 Posted March 12, 2011 Posted March 12, 2011 I really think you need to look at why you were threatening to 'kill yourself' - even in anger this is a highly irrational outburst. I suspect you have lots of pain under the surface from other hurts bestowed upon you, that is at times overwhelming?
Author liliyah Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 Well he came to see me yesterday he was at my house at 12 am he told me he was upset and sorry and that he won't be able to move on that he was heartbroken and that he misses our little life together , so I decided to act fine I said everything will be ok that I needed time to heal we went for a drive and he didn't stop telling me he cared about me and was holding my hand after the drive we went back to mine we sat and started to watch tv then he came to give me a cuddle and started to cry telling ne that his head was telling him to leave but his heart doesn't want to ? What am I suppose to think... I was good I didn't get upset or cry I stayed nice and calm and always smiled hr also kept asking me what I was going to be doing for the rest of the weekend after all that and lots of hugging he left it was 1 am in the morning he stayed alk day and night why ?? He also said he would call me today what do I do now I'm confused ???
MasonM618 Posted March 13, 2011 Posted March 13, 2011 Great Job for staying strong! Keep on the path I suggested. Keep Things light. He was drawn to you even more because you kept your composure. Keep that composure. Take some time for yourself like I said. Keep conversation light and friendly. You would be shocked how many times someone says all that stuff and then you put your guard down and they take off again. Make sure that he demonstrates to you over time that he is serious. For now stay busy. Don't be available everytime he wants you to be (when he calls) if he asks how come you didnt answer say you were busy with....you didnt hear the phone or what ever works for you. Return his call a little later. Try your best to keep it off your mind as much as you can. You have the "ball in your court" right now, so to speak.
Author liliyah Posted March 13, 2011 Author Posted March 13, 2011 thanks... but i must say today is horrible cant stop crying and realising that hes not here anymore ill never get over it i just hope that it will stop hurting so much
Author liliyah Posted March 20, 2011 Author Posted March 20, 2011 Just a little update I've been doing NC and he has been coming to see me lol it's been hard when he came around again he got upset and told me he misses our life together and knowing that he has hurt me is killing him! Bla bla I've been acting ok and didn't cry I just let him do the crying ! He kept telling me have have to be friends because he doesn't want to lose me ( then why dump me ) anyway I'm feeling better it's been 2 weeks that he broke up with me and I feel he is changing it's a funny feeling but really I don't care I'm moving on I've got my 2 little ones who love me and I owe it to them to be happy i deserve better someone who wl love me for me abd my kiddies anyway just letting you know that it does get better one step at a time !
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